A good male friend of mine called me today and gave me a wonderful idea for today’s post.  He wanted me to write a post on how to give a woman an ORGASM.  This is a very touchy topic for men because EVERY man wants to be able to please their woman and send them riding on the Big O wave.  They sometimes feel like failures in bed and honestly we sometimes agree with you.  Men it’s not all your fault but most of it is.  There are a lot of factors that can ultimately bring on a woman’s Orgasm.

Did you know that 50-75% of women only receive an orgasm through clitoral stimulation?  Which is good news for you guys because this is one part of the Va Jay-Jay that you can actually see unlike the mythical “G-Spot.”  Here are a couple of things I believe will help a man give a woman an orgasm.


Women are like cars and when it comes to sex you must treat us like cars.  On a cold winter’s day you would let your car warm up for a couple of minutes. Why? Because it’ll take the fluids in your car longer to thaw out and start flowing if you didn’t warm it up.  *CLEARS THROAT* If you warm us up with some thoughtful foreplay, we would then in turn be “Turned On” and  our juices will begin to flow (which makes the sex better for both parties).

When I say thoughtful foreplay, I mean take your time.  Introduce your mouth, hands and tongue to her body every single time even if you’ve been dealing with this person for years.  A little rub and a lick just don’t do it for us.


This is one of the most important parts of sex and it remains a factor throughout the entire process.  You have to get the woman’s mind right and keep it right.  From the start to the end we need to think that you’re into it and the only thing you care about is getting us to the finish line.  Sounds hard, right?  Well it’s not because we do it all the time.  All that moaning, screaming, and telling you you’re the best that you hear from women (SORRRY LADIES) most of it is for show and to keep you thinking that you’re doing something.  We’ve become so good at it that you have no idea that we’re actually doing it.

You can also keep the mind right by setting the mood right.  Dim the lights, light some candles, throw rose petals over the bed, or role play.  I like to call that mental sex because I can guarantee if you do it right she’ll already be turned on and ready before you even touch her.


First off you don’t always have to be the largest to give the most pleasure.  Honestly if you’re too too LARGE we ain’t messing with you anyway unless our profession is in the porn industry…..LOL And if you’re too small that’s an instant turn off!  You do need to know what to do with what you have.  Your stroke game should be on point.  Be creative when it comes to sex, try new positions other than Missionary, Doggy Style, and Woman on Top.  Doing the same thing every time gets boring and becomes routine, so our mental is already gone because we already know the outcome.

Don’t pump too fast! Why? Because 1. It makes you cum quicker and 2. Most of the time it does nothing for us.  Women will look at you like you’re crazy then go tell their friends about their quick pumper of a boyfriend.  You’ll know if you’re doing the right stroke for your lady.  Just listen to her moans, look at her face and notice her body actions.  If you think you have the right stroke in the right position and it seems like she’s on the verge of coming just keep doing what you’re doing because if you change it up she could possibly loose that feeling and you’ll have to start all over again 😦

If you have no idea if you’re doing the right thing, don’t be afraid to ask her.  Talk to her during sex, let her know how it feels, how you feel and what you want her to do.  Don’t be shy.  The best position for a woman to receive an orgasm is having her on top because she’s able to regulate the depth of penetration of the penis and the rate of thrusting.

Don’t forget that 50-75% of women only come off of clitoral stimulation, so during sex you can gently massage her clit or use a vibrating toy.


If some how after all this you still haven’t made her come, I suggest you learn how to properly give oral sex and become a pro at it.  If you become really good at it I don’t see how she can’t come.  It’s ok to use toys, it means less work for you and we don’t mind showing you how to use them on us….because we know.

I hope this help a couple of guys out.  Let me also add that some women don’t care if they don’t receive an orgasm every time.  If they love the man and he makes her feel good during sex that’s all that matters.  Some women get off by pleasing their man.  Some women even fake an orgasm just to make their man feel good (others fake it just because they want it to be over…LOL)  Good luck guys!

Leave a comment I’m interested in what you have to say about this one.



I decided to tackle a topic that we all know exist but most of us don’t talk about it because it’s considered to be a taboo subject.  I’m talking about fetishes yall!  And no not E-V-E’s clothing line (does that still exist…LOL), but sexual fetishes.  I’ve broken down the fetishes into three categories; 1. Most Common 2. Weird as Hell & 3. Disgusting.  I couldn’t believe some of the things I was reading and if some of these things are what you like, do you.  I DO NOT JUDGE.

According to Wikipedia Sexual fetishism, or erotic fetishism, is the sexual arousal brought on by any object, situation or body part not conventionally viewed as being sexual in nature.

Below you will see my Top 5 fetishes in three categories and if any of you ‘practice’ any of these activities I will like to hear from you 🙂 (I’m just nosey. Right?).

Most Common


Kleptophilia AKA ‘Just Crazy’

Basically this is the act of ‘getting off’ by stealing.  So in a nut shell these fools are willing to risk their freedom by stealing just to get a nut.  What’s wrong with a good ol’ masturbation session?


Parthenophilia AKA ‘The Telly Syndrome’

This is the sexual attraction to virgins.  I call it the Telly Syndrome because of Telly from the movie Kids.  He made it his business to have sex with as many virgins as he could, it was sort of sport to him.  This fetish mostly pertains to men because women rarely want an unexperienced man.  Some men feel proud to take a woman’s virginity.  Just don’t take advantage of the women guys!


Foot Fetish AKA ‘Stinky Things Turn Me On’

The act of being aroused by feet.  We’ve all heard of people having a foot fetish but I’ve never quite understood how people can have an attraction to feet.  If you’re into porn there are a lot of videos supporting the foot fetish and they go from kissing and licking of the toes to actual insertion of the feet (if you know what I mean).  Interesting enough Ludacris, Eddie Murphy, Britney Spears & Ricky Martin are all reported as to having this fetish.


Martymachlia AKA ‘I Need an Audience’

For those of you freaks that get turned on because you know someone else is watching you have sex, this one is for you.  I actually don’t think this one is that bad, we all need a lil’ adventure in our lives.


Agoraphilia AKA ‘Having Sex in A Public Place’

This to me is the most common, most known and a lot of times it turns into a fetish by chance.  Sometimes things happen in the heat of the moment or you just want to be freaky so you just do the do where ever you are.  At least 85% of us have had sex in a public place.  For the other 15% of the population, LIVE A LITTLE!

Weird As Hell


Omorashi AKA ‘Bladder Control’

This sexual fetish first kicked off in Japan and I’m not surprised because they are some of the most sexual people in the world, but this right here is just crazy.  Omorashi is when you receive pleasure by holding your urine for a long time *BLANK STARE*  I don’t know about you guys but it hurts like hell when I have to pee really bad and these broads turned it into a sexual sport…SMDH


Plushophilia AKA ‘Furry Fandom’

This weird crap is when you dress up in a furry costume and dry hump each other and some how gain sexual pleasure.  I can’t really say much more about this one.


Klismaphilia AKA ‘Anal Masturbation’

Let’s see…how can I explain this on?  Some folk use enemas as a way to receive sexual stimulation.  It’s mostly practiced by men and sometimes used as a substitute for genital intercourse.  And get this the biggest pleasure comes from the “eliminatory process.”


Crush Fetish

Normally the sight of bugs and rodents makes the average person run the other way to get away from the pest.  But not for the weird freaks who love to crush.  They receive their big O by crushing anything from roaches to mice.  This is not only weird it’s disgusting.


Erotic Asphyxia AKA ‘Damn Near Suicide’

This is is the intentional restriction of oxygen to the brain for sexual arousal.  This can be done with and without a partner.  It’s one of the oldest fetishes, started back in the 1600s.  It was first used to treat erectile disfunction.  This is an extremely dangerous fetish, there have been accidental deaths while practicing this.  If this is your thing, please be careful and try to always perform this with a partner.



Formicophilia AKA ‘Fear Factor’

Just researching this one made my skin crawl.  Formicophilia is the fetish of having bugs crawl around or on your genitalia.  This is more common in developing countries because of their obvious pest situation.  I guess they made lemonade out of lemons.


Urolangia AKA ‘The R.Kelly’

Yall know I had to do it!  To me it’s a very disgusting fetish.  If I wanted a warm liquid sprayed all over my body for pleasure, I’ll just take a warm shower and not a golden one.  I just don’t get this one.  This goes hand in hand with Coprophilia, the act of defecating on one for sexual pleasure.  I’m not even going to get into that one.


Zoophilia AKA ‘Beastiality’

This is the practice of sex between animals and humans.  Are you freaking kidding me?  I’ve heard of wanting a stallion in bed and women calling men dogs but you’re not supposed to take it literally.  Sad thing is that there’re recent cases of this happening.  Geesh people!  Are you that unattractive that you can’t find a person.  Send me a letter I’ll find someone for you, just not me.


Vorarephilia AKA ‘The Hannibal Lector’

Hmmmm if this is number 2 you know number 1 has to be right down nasty.  This is the arousal by the thought of being eaten or watching someone eat someone else.  I’m not talking about oral sex, I’m talking about actually eating folk as a meal.  Really people?  This turns you on?  It makes me down right scared and if you’re one of them let me know so I can stay far away from you….LOL


Necrophilia AKA ‘Tales From The Crypt Lover’

This the most disgusting, disturbing fetish of them all.  Necrophilia is sexual attraction to corpse.  We all heard of people killing their victim and then raping them.  There are also cases of people who dig up graves to perform sexual acts on the corpse.  This is just the most disrespectful fetish for a human body there is.  Just nasty!

Don’t forget to click on and leave a comment tell me what you think!

Welcome To The Blog About Sex, Relationships, Books & More Sex

Hi Guys!!!  Welcome to my new blog for Risque The Erotica Short Story Novel.  I want to make this a fun environment for us to share our thoughts, dreams and nightmares about relationships and sex.  I know we all have questions and we may be afraid to face our fears but that’s why I’m here.  I’m here to tackle those taboo topics such as; 3-Somes, Anal Sex, ‘Experimenting,’….LOL, you catch my drift.  I’ll also be discussing serious situations such as; STDs, impotency & domestic violence.

I’m ready, waiting and excited to begin a blogship with each and every last one of you.  Make sure to tell a friend to tell a friend about Risque The Erotica Short Story Novel and become a fan on Facebook. Send all questions about Love, Sex, Relationships and books to

Can’t Wait To hear from you!!!!

Risque The Novel Trailer

Risque The Novel’s SIZZLING Trailer starring Lourdes (@LouLo_Star) & Will (@Hollyceasar).  Two very talented people, follow them on twitter and show them some love.  You can also follow me @RLwynder.


Risque The Novel

Experience Risque

Same Book, 2 Covers

Risque: The Erotica Short Story Novel is an addictive intoxicating piece of
work, which includes 14 alluring stories guaranteed to leave you ‘jonesing’
for more than your next read.  Risque extends an open invitation for you to
join the world of each character and experience the same electrifying
sensations as those portrayed in this spicy novel.   This racy compilation
of short stories also allows you to walk Hand in hand with euphoria as it
takes you on an invigorating trip full of spine tingling adventures.

Risque will be available on Amazon’s Kindle really soon.  They’ll also be an opportunity to order Risque off line in the upcoming days.  Shoot me an email ( or leave a message if you’re interested in a copy of Risque!

Risque Video Blog Intro To Risque & R.L. Wynder

Sorry for the constant hair touching…LOL it was my first blog I promise the future ones will not have as much touching of the hair.



For my first real blog post I decided to write about something personal.  I want my readers to be able to share anything with me so I’ve decided to share something about me that I know a lot of you can relate to.  Leave a comment, tell me what you think.

When most of us hear “Something New” we think about the 2006 movie starring Sanaa Lathan and Simon Baker.  We’re all familiar with the movie, Sanaa’s character Kenya a powerful attorney has a hard time finding love with the brothers.  The reasons being is because of her time consuming career and long list of qualities.  She unexpectedly falls in love with “Something New,” a white man.

That movie really got me thinking.  As a 27 year old living in the Big Apple finding a man became a little more difficult than I’ve ever imagined.  Even though I’m in a city full of gorgeous black men, I too have a list of qualities that a man must possess before I even give them a chance.   My list isn’t any where near outrageous as Chilli’s but I do understand where she’s coming from because I believe good women deserve to have the best and no less.

I started thinking about my future and having children and I realized I better jump into the dating game and eliminate the men in my life that I know I’ll never marry.  At this point I’m still unwilling to cross out anything on my list.  My list is actually quite simple, the man must be: Handsome, Funny, family oriented, and believes in God oh and have a nice body (see not that bad).

So check this out! One day while I’m attending my Boot Camp class at the local Y this man decides to bother me, talking me to death while I’m trying to work out.  I didn’t think much of him during our first encounter (let him tell it I was the one pushing up on him).  As time went on  I started to take notice of  his banging ass body.  I started paying more attention to him throughout our classes.  As I did my “girl push-ups” I watched him do his push-ups while his sweat hung off the tip of his nose.  I started imagining me under him while he did his push-ups….LOL (Hey I’m just being honest, I have a hell of an imagination).  What I’m trying to say is that I began noticing all of his handsome features, from his height, muscles, beautiful smile, out going personality, and his sense of humor.

After weeks of flirting he finally gave me his card and I gave him a call that same night.  I called him so soon because believe it or not he had tried to talk to me 2 years ago, I didn’t recognize him but I remembered his card.  We ended up going on a date the next night, May 20, 2009 and surprisingly I’m still with this man today damn near a year later.

Most of you who follow me on twitter know all about Tony.  Tony is my “Something New.”  No, I didn’t go the Sanaa route and swirl.  I went the other route, the other “Something New.”  Tony is 46 years old (45 when I met him), 18 years my senior.  When I first met him I had no idea he was that old I thought he was 35 (God has blessed him with great genes).

I thought about calling it off for the simple fact that he’s one year younger than my parents.  But I had already gotten the chance to know him and he’s a great person, mixed with a lil crazy.  I’m able to check everything off of my list with him.  If I’m going to be with a “Something New,” regardless of age or color he’s going to be the BEST “Something New.”  I have the best looking 46 year old man ever hands down, who treats me well!  Yeah we have our little spats, but what couple doesn’t.

I encourage you men and women if you’re not finding what you’re looking for, step a little outside your box.  Date someone outside of your age group or your race, because you can be just like Kenya and I and find love in an unexpected place, you can find your “Something New.