Is It Ever Ok To Snoop?!


I’m sure by now you’ve all heard of Bravo’s new hit TV Show Blood Sweat & Heels, where 6 ambitious women deal with the ups and downs of living in New York City.  If you haven’t, then you’ve been under a rock.  If you missed Sunday’s episode the women discussed rather or not if it’s ok to ever snoop on your man.  You know, going through his phone, email, voicemail, mail mail, facebook, instagram or whatever else you can think of.  The group of six women seemed to be split on that topic but they refused to agree to disagree.  

I honestly am not a snooper…..I’m a great believer in, if you go looking for something then you are sure to find it.  I know plenty of women who are avid snoopers and I’ve actually assisted in some of their snooping.  My friends tend to think that I work for the FBI and have access to information that they can’t find all because I happen to have a PhD in “Google.”  Hey, I said I don’t snoop on my man, I never said I didn’t assist.

The big question is…..Is it ever ok?  First let me say something to you men.  If you’re going to cheat on your woman, be smart enough to cover your dang on tracks.  The only time I feel that it’s ok to snoop on your man is if he was stupid enough to leave evidence around.  What kind, you ask?  If he leaves his facebook page or email open on your computer or if he leaves two movie tickets in your house.  Sounds simple but there are plenty of stupid men who have made those very same mistakes.

Women, I hate to tell you this, if you already have an inkling that your man is cheating, then he’s cheating or he’s in the secret service (pick the one that makes you feel better).  Now women, we go searching for this evidence because something deep inside of us say “I just have to know,” but you really already know.  All searching will do is cause a deeper hurt and an angrier heart.  

So what do you do when you find this information?  I’ll tell you, you end up calling or emailing the other woman who has nothing to do with the situation in the first place (unless it’s your cousin, friend or someone else you know…lol).  Your man comes home, you get in an argument, leave him or at the very least get mad at him for a couple of days and then you’re back in love with him.  If you find the information that you’re looking for, please do something with it.  As naive and as weak as this may sound….if you’re not going to leave him after finding hard core evidence that he has cheated just don’t look for it.  What you don’t know won’t hurt you.  

In order to avoid being in a situation where you might have to snoop, it’s definitely best to have the lines of communication open and be honest with one another.  Realistically that’s not always the case.  You have to ask yourself how much are you willing to put up with, with this man and be ok with it.  If you’re fine with him cheating on you and you snooping on him, then do you. If you’re not ok with that, then you should probably find another man.  I know that it’s easier said then done but sometimes doing what’s right may be the hardest thing to do.

Until Next Time….





The Most Complicated Fake Love Story EVER!



Guess who’s Bizzzzack!  Sorry I’ve been away for so long but I’ve finally found the time and the inspiration to write again (not to mention my daughter is sleep, allowing me to write).  But anywho…I’m back! Today’s topic is a little interesting and the situation should be simple enough to deal with but it’s actually quiet complicated.  

Sooooo…..Ladies and Gents put yourself in this situation…. There’s a guy or girl that you’ve been kind of feeling for a couple of years and yes they’ve been feeling you too, but things have never lined up for the two of you to be together.  What could be so big to stop two people from being together or at least seeing what might happen between the two?  Well…..listen to this there’s about 240 miles that separate the two and here’s the BIGGIE, one of them has a significant other.  

An opportunity popped up where the two decided to just hang out because first and foremost they’re friends.  When the two people came together it felt right.  He was the perfect gentleman and she enjoyed his honesty and appreciated the fact that he shared part of his soul with her.  He laid on her, they talked about life, love, God, the best comedies…it was one of the most natural experience she’s ever had.

Of course the evening had to come to an end, but not after he gave her the sweetest, looooongest kiss.  Before she even walked out of his door, she began missing him.

Sweet, right? LOL. What should happen next? Obviously the right thing to do is to just let it be, mainly because of the distance between them.  The worst thing to ever do in this world is to wonder “What if?”  I would personally have a rough time just letting it go with no discussion, with no effort.  I’m too much of a go-getter to let something so good go.  BUT what about the significant other, you ask?  Honestly at this point…..Who?  LOL No, but seriously it’s complicated obviously and for this situation I don’t have any answers, suggestions or opinions.  

Someone will probably end up at the very least not liking the outcome of this situation but hey at least they tried and don’t have to wonder…. What it, or I shoulda did this or I shoulda did that. It can feel right for everyone in this situation, but just because it feels right, doesn’t mean that it’s meant to be or that it will even happen.  Good luck to those complicated nuts!  








I decided to do today’s post because I’m beginning to notice a trend. An absurd trend!  I’m going to try and do my best to help end this trend so that precious eyes are protected and laughter and giggles of many women around the world will cease once and for all.   

Over the weekend a good friend of mine told me a story about how she was on a date and her date (after a few drinks), decided to pull out his man meat, penis, rod or whatever you prefer to call it.  Instinctually, her eyes followed his hand to see what he was working with.  Her eyes bulged at the miracle laying before her eyes…..she could not believe that she had the pleasure of actually seeing the world’s smallest penis.  AND one day this week at work, I was talking to my co-worker and she told me a similar story and she described the penis as “smaller than a tampon.”
Now first of all I know that whoever those guys were, knew the size of their penis, I’m pretty sure they saw it at sometime throughout that day, hell it’s been a part of them since birth.  He had to have known that he was not hanging with the big boys. Listen there’s nothing wrong with having a small penis, ladies if that’s what you prefer than power to you but here’s my point…..
Men you can’t just be pulling your little baby piece out all willy nilly as if you’re working with the biggest one out there.  You’re going to instantly turn her the hell off.  So here’s my advice to all of you men who aren’t working with much.  You MUST MUST MUST get to know that woman as well as possible and make sure she knows you just as well; before you even make mention of your penis, let alone pull it out.  
Your goal is to get this woman to fall so deep in love with you that her love becomes blind, and at that point it doesn’t matter what you have in your pants. If she’s in love with you, it’s more likely that she’ll love the sex too (not guaranteed). Let’s just say she loves you, hates the sex and that takes a toll on your relationship.  I suggest you become real familiar and become rather great at oral sex.  You have to be able to offer up something.  
I want you men to know that women do talk and we tell our girlfriends about these hilarious encounters (unless he’s our actual man, then we keep that on the low low). So if you know you’re not working with much, don’t pull it out and grin and expect the woman to jump for joy.  Don’t tell her to “suck it,” and get upset when she responds “suck what?”  I have never met a woman who gets excited about anyone’s small penis, so for your benefit and the sake of your pride I suggest for you to keep your little secret well hidden for as long as possible.  But who am I kidding there are tons of small penis men in the world and let’s face it they have sexual needs like every other man and unfortunately the small head always win over the larger one.  Women we must NOT lead these men to believe that he’s larger than life.  Go on and share this with someone who needs to read this! Guys you can thank me later!
Until next time…….
Love, Peace and Freakiness,
R.L. Wynder

Now I Want That Old Thang Back!


Guess who’s bizaaaaack!  That’s right R.L. is back on the scene and I apologize for being away for so long BUT after being pregnant, sick every day and then raising a little girl in the rough city of NY( and not to mention working full time) I’m just now finding the time to transform from Mommy to R.L.  I’m really going to try and keep this thing up because I really have missed writing and interacting with you all.  BTW, Risque The Novel’s sales are still doing well online and I hope to have another book out by next summer.  

Now that I got that out of the way let’s get into today’s topic.  In the words of H-Town “Now I want that old thang back!”  Hmmmm, this subject may be a little sticky for some of us but I’m sure most of us have had at least one woman or man that they can’t get enough of.  We break up, we argue, we scream I hate you and I never want to see you again….we do all that just to be laying up with that same person again telling them how much we love them.  Why is that? I mean we must know that something isn’t right and that maybe it’s not meant for you and whomever to continue to deal with one another but something keeps reeling you back in.  Let’s discuss…. 
I believe the number one reason this keeps happening is because of what we call love, even if it’s a dysfunctional love, well obviously it’s a dysfunctional love if you gotta keep going back and forth with someone.  It’s extremely hard just to up and leave someone that you truly love.  I know some of us, women especially we care too much for the other person and we begin to say things like “Well he is stressed and having a hard time,” or “I invested too much in this man and to start all over again with someone else is just out of the question.” Or, how about “If I have to go through it with someone it might as well be him.”  In my opinion those are all valid points but the question I always ask myself is “Will my life be better and/or happier with or without this person,” whatever my answer is, I try to then work on a plan to make that happen.  It’s definitely not as easy as it sounds.
The number two, this is actually number one but I wanted to give some of you the benefit of the doubt and not portray you as a shallow person….hee hee hee.  SEX!!! Sex is the number one, I mean the number two reason why a lot of this back and forth mess keeps happening.  Some people say (not me, but some people), that the best sex is make-up sex.  After a huge argument you can have sex and forget what the hell you were arguing about in the first place.  I mean we’ve all seen Baby Boy, right?  One of the best scenes is the one where he hit her and then made up for it with what?????? SEX! And Yep, she forgot allll about her black eye…lol.  A lot of times our bodies are stronger than our minds.  “My mind’s telling me noooooo…..but my body….,” yall know the rest.  
The final reason……drum roll please, is because we don’t know how or like to actually deal with issues head on.  Most of the time, your issues are never spoken about unless you’re arguing about them.  When you do get back together you act like nothing ever happened and you try to continue the relationship but the same issues that caused the past break-ups keeps coming back therefore resulting in another break-up.  See the cycle?  If you actually sit down and talk about what’s happening in your relationship then you can move on and hopefully break the cycle. 
How do we overcome this horrible disease?  I think it really has to do with self-worth and what you’re willing to deal with.  If you don’t mind having to go back and forth, to break up to make up, then this life is for you.  No judgement here, we’re all different and we all want different things. I’m sure by now you know who you’re dealing with and if you’ve known that person for a while he or she will probably be who they are for the rest of their lives.  
If you believe you deserve to be treated better, then you have to put YOU first.  What’s the worst that can happen?  You’ll be alone until someone else comes along?  Fine, but now you know and understand what you will and won’t put up with and this will help prevent the back and forth thing from happening.  
As always, this is only my opinion I didn’t do research on this and I didn’t gather tons of references to back this up.  This is only my opinion but I know a lot of you can relate to my opinion.  If you wanna put in a request for my next topic, please do so…..I love writing but I write for you.  
Until next time….Peace, Love & Freakiness
R.L. Wynder   

I Want That Presidential LOVE!


For four years now some of you have been saying things like; “I want my Michelle or Barack,” “I want a love like theirs.”  There’s nothing wrong with wanting what you want but allow me to put some things in perspective for you. 

When you think about it we have no idea what type of love our President and the first lady have.  Yes we see the beautiful side of it, the great father, loving husband, down to earth woman and supportive wife, but what we don’t see is how they are behind closed doors.  Don’t get me wrong, I too find their love to be a beautiful one and sometimes wish I had my “Obama.”  Then I found myself thinking, what if the love we see isn’t the love they really have?  Would we still want our Michelle or our Barack?  What if they were exactly like the men or women we have or already had?  Would we still want a love like theirs?  

Everyone of us who’s been in a relationship know that it’s not an easy task.  Every relationship has it’s issues and it seems like (from what we can see) Michelle and Barack have worked very hard to keep their relationship together.  If you want your Michelle or Barack, here’s my suggestion and this can only work if the both of you want this kind of love and are willing to work for it.  You have to really communicate and work through your issues.  If you’re married, you have to remember the vows you took before God.  You can’t run when things get hard.  Let’s not get it twisted I’m not saying if he/she cheats on you repeatedly that you should stay.  That’s a clear sign that you and your partner are not on the same page and they obviously don’t want that Presidential Love.  You have to pick and choose your battles because every battle is not worth fighting.  If it took him 5 minutes to call you back instead of the normal 3, just let it go.  Don’t forget, just let it go (LOL).  

We see all the good stuff with Michelle and Barack but let’s not forget they both have a lot of lonely nights because of the positions they have.  Michelle just can’t call Barack at any moment and expect him to pick up the phone.  He may be in an interview, a debate, a meeting and of course running the country and she’s just as busy as he is.  That’s where the give and take comes in.  So you gotta ask yourself, What’s more important to you?  Having your man or woman there in arms reach all the time or having him away from you 60% of the time.  Their relationship may be so great because they don’t see each other as often as a regular couple do.  We all know that “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”  When you’re starring at the same person every single day, they’re bound to get on your nerves.  

Little do you know, you may already have your “Michelle” or “Barack,”  you just never know until you go through somethings together and make it out of it.  The grass isn’t always greener on the other side so stay on your side a little while longer, there’s a little Michelle and Barack in all of us we just have to find it and pull it out of one another.  




I finally got the chance to listen to J. Cole’s new album and overall I like the album.  He raps about a lot of things that people our age go through and it just feels real when you listen to it.  It was very interesting to me, to hear a man’s point of view on things such as love, women, abortion and his father.  

One of his bars really caught my attention.  In his song “Nobody’s Perfect,” feat Missy Elliot, he said and I quote “She say she only fucked bout’ four or five niggas, so you know you gotta multiply that by 3.”  LOL……now, how truthful is that? AND Who the hell told him that?  I think it’s safe to say (for normal women, not hoes) that multiplying the number by 3 is an exaggeration, adding 4 or 5 sounds more realistic to me.  If you’re a hoe then multiplying may be the best math technique to use.  

Here’s a question for you men…if you think you multiply our numbers by 4 or 5 is it safe for us to divide your numbers by 4 or 5?  Hmmmmm….I thought so.   I’m going to get real with you men for a minute.  TRUTH IS sometimes women lie about the amount of men they’ve been with for four main reason (they may not be the only reasons but these are the MAIN reasons).  These are in no particular order.  

The number 1 obvious reason why women play down the number of men they’ve been with is because they don’t want to give the impression that they’re a hoe (in lack of better words).  The good ol’ double standard rears its ugly head again.  I mean how many is too many anyway?  That answer, I don’t know.  I think every woman has a different answer with different rules depending on their standards.  For example for me reaching double digits is too many for me, which is why (before I had a steady boyfriend) I would prefer to go backwards just because I didn’t want to add another number.  I will say to determine how many is too many a person’s age and relationship with the men should be taken in consideration.  

The number 2 reason is really simple…..some people don’t deserve to be considered a number.  What do I mean?  Ladies you already know what I’m talking about so let me be REAL honest with you men.  Sometimes the sex ain’t worth a number.  For those of you men who’ve came in .5 seconds….guess what?  Your girl didn’t count you and she probably didn’t give you a second chance if she wasn’t in love with you (you probably turned her alllll the way off!).  Or how bout’ those of you men who actually entered the woman but she quickly changed her mind…..guess what?  She didn’t count you either.  Same for you men with the incredibly small penises that your girl couldn’t feel anything through the whole ordeal, yep you got it, she didn’t count you either.

The #3 reason is something that me and my man argue about all the time.  Men, don’t for one second believe that you can count a woman as one of your sexual partners if all you did was give her oral.  Now if a guy only gave me oral (believe me it happens more often to women then you guys think) I will not consider him a sexual partner.  Now my man on the other hand believe that its worthy of a number.  He believes if a woman opens up her legs it’s considered sex.  I guess he also considers fondling sex as well, let him tell it.  Again, this is my opinion and I’m sure others agree with me.  For those of you men who disagree, you’re just mad because at the end of the day you felt like a sucker.  Even if she made it very clear to you in the beginning that nothing outside of you giving her oral was going to happen. BUT you my friend felt like your oral skills would be so great that she’ll automatically want the dick. In order for men to not feel like a sucker, they chalk it up as another one under their belt.  I would definitely separate the two groups into sexual partners & people who’ve given me oral sex.  Ladies let me just say if some of you are like these men who just give the man oral sex and that’s it……you my friend are a sucker too! LOL

Lastly the reason why women may not count a man as a sexual partner is simply because she’s embarrassed.  She must have been out of her mind to have slept with you.  Men don’t act like you don’t do this either.  There are some women you’ll scream to the mountain top about and others you pray to God no one finds out about (until of course you get her pregnant).  

Honestly the amount of people a woman or a man has been with in no way shape or form defines them.  Having a lot of sexual partners doesn’t make you a hoe and having a small amount doesn’t make you an angel.  The MOST IMPORTANT thing is that everyone knows their HIV/AIDS status and routinely get checked for STDS if you’re out there sowing your oats.  There are some women who’ve only had sex with 1 person and contracted HIV and there are some women who’ve slept with hundreds of men who’ve never contracted a thing.  The world is a funny place, just do your job in keeping yourself and those you come in contact with safe.  















Just yesterday in the office I was asked by a woman do I ever approach men.  Just a couple of days before that a man asked me the same exact question.  So it’s only natural that I write about this topic.  First and foremost let me put this out there for everyone….I R.L. WYNDER HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH APPROACHING A MAN.  I’ve always been a go-getter with anything in life, if it’s something or someone I want I will go after it.  A lot of times I catch men off guard and they have no idea how to react, I either turn them totally off or completely on, no in between.

From all of the noes I’ve heard (yes people have turned the magnificent R.L down) you would think it’ll stop me from approaching men; I wouldn’t be R.L. if I do that.  When a man is taken aback just because I approached them then they’re not strong or should I say man enough to be with me any way.  It’s honestly no love lost on my end, besides closed mouths don’t get fed.  I understand, it takes a very secure man to be ok with the fact that a woman just approached him and did “his job.”  I appreciate those secure men.

There are two reasons and two reason only why women don’t approach men.  1. They feel that they’re too good to approach a man.  She believes if a man wants her then he should walk his happy ass across the room and approach her.  AND 2. She’s just simply afraid of rejection.  Reaching back to #1, she assumes if he didn’t come and approach her then he must not want her.  Which then puts her in a position to get rejected if she decides to approach him.

I believe it’s somewhat the same way when it comes to guys, except with a little twist.  The man may not feel that he’s worthy or good enough for the woman so he avoids the embarrassment and settles on dreaming about being with the woman instead of actually saying hello.

People if we live our lives waiting on things or people to come to us, we’ll be waiting for  long time.  Yeah, yeah I’ve heard of “Good things come to those who wait,” but why wait if you can be in control of the situation sometimes.  Only a fool would let an opportunity slip from under them.  Everyone that I look up to in my profession as a writer or a producer have all been proactive.  Everyone I know who’s in a successful relationship and happy have all been proactive within their relationship from the beginning to the end.

I say all this to say, if it’s someone you want, don’t wait for them to approach you because if you wait too long he/she may approach someone else or someone else with more guts than you may approach them.  I always say this to my friends and to myself when I become hesitant to ask someone something…..the worst thing that can happen is that they say NO.  You’re not going to die from that no, you’re not going to have a heart attach from that no.  Your ego may be a little bruised, other than that your day will continue as normal.  It’s time to step out of your comfort zone, take it from me, I’ve always lived outside of my comfort zone.

Until next time…….

Peace, Love & Freakiness