Would You Rather be the one CHEATED ON or CHEATED WITH?

miptvs_most_wantedWARNING: This topic is very controversial and is not suitable for the high and mighty judgemental folk!

In this day and age it seems as though the “side chick” is becoming more popular on tv. There’s Mary Jane from Being Mary Jane, Olivia Pope from Scandal and Angela from Power. People are making it seem like being a side chick is something new but the truth is side chicks have been around since biblical times. We’ve all heard the stories about Granddaddy having an whole other family across the tracks….LOL.

I was talking to my homegirl one day and some how we started talking about cheating and the pain that comes from it, if we preferred to know, if we could handle the truth and so on. During our conversation it suddenly dawned on me that the majority of women are either being cheated on or being cheated with. In my opinion 80% of men stray, business men, thugs, God fearing men, old men, young men, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, ALL MEN! I don’t think it makes them a bad person, it just makes them a person who cheats (we all have our vices).

I know a lot of ladies reading this are saying “Women should have enough respect for themselves to not engage in these activities with men who are taken.” You ladies may also be saying “how can you do another woman like that? We gotta stick together as women.” I might address that later but for right now I’m going to leave it alone. ūüôā

In my opinion people who feel that way are not being realistic. Stay with me now because I’m just being honest, I know a lot of people can’t face the truth especially when you’ve been hurt by someone who’s cheated on you. Guess what?! I don’t know not one woman who’s never been cheated on, no matter how they look, how well they cook, how well they put it down in the bedroom, they’ve been cheated on. All women may not know that they’ve been cheated on but they have.

So here’s the question, would you rather be the woman being cheated on? Or, would you rather be the woman that he is cheating with? You don’t have to be either, your man could fall in that 20% percentile. Listen, every woman would love to have the perfect fairy tale relationship where they never argue, no one ever steps out, money is flowing, sex is great but that’s not the reality of a lot of relationships. Some women play both roles; their man cheats on them so they then go out and cheat on their man with a man who’s “occupied.” (<—-That’s also another story)

There are positives and negatives to both sides. The positives of being a “side chick” is that you should know the deal. There should be no surprises, your heart shouldn’t get broken because you know he’s going home to the main chick. The negative is that if you deal with the person long enough your feelings may get involved and you may start to wonder when he’s going to leave the main for you. Let me answer that, never!

A lot of women don’t handle surprises well, especially when it involves finding out that her man is cheating. Of course every woman prefers to be someone’s main chick, wife, girlfriend or what have you but do you want that title if it means you’re sharing him with someone else? The negative about being the woman who’s being cheated on is getting your heart broken if you ever find out.

Let me make this totally clear, as a woman I feel like no woman should have to be on either side of the spectrum but unfortunately that’s not realistic. AND for the record I do believe that there are plenty of men who are faithful, notice I didn’t say ALL men cheat.

I could have gone a lot deeper with this topic but no one looks at the deeper issues or reasons why people cheat when they find out they’ve been cheated on. The only thing that matters is that he or she cheated. I’m not being sexiest either because women cheat just as much as men so this topic can easily be flipped. So I’m interested in hearing from both men & women on this topic. What do you guys think?





Do we as adults ever grow up sexually?  Should we ever grow up sexually?   

When you think about your introduction to the opposite sex back in the day, we did what we could, where we could. ¬†Why? Because we didn’t have a place of our own and if you were crazy enough to do anything in your parent’s house you still risked basically your life! ¬†Honestly maybe that was the exciting thing about it, maybe it wasn’t about the actual act. ¬†Maybe the thrill came from being outside in public places, the fear of getting caught by some stranger rolling up on you, or even worse the cops. ¬†
I’m from the country and in the country there are tons of back roads, dirt roads, hidden roads, beaches, graders (if you ain’t from the country you wouldn’t know), parking lots, baseball fields, parks….yall get my point. ¬†When reading these places I know my sexually grown friends are asking, “who in their right mind will have sex in those places?” First of¬†all let me be clear, I’m almost certain that the sex is probably happening in cars at these locations (besides the beach). Secondly any and everyone who doesn’t have a place to get down in will be more than willing to choose any of these locations. ¬†Their main goal is to get some not to choose the best location. ¬†Why not a hotel you ask? Yeah you could go to a hotel but that’ll take the fun out of everything.
It may also be true that the majority of people who are taking advantage of these five star locations may be creeping.  What married person or couple who lives together need to go and find secret locations?  Not many.  
¬†To answer my earlier question, no I don’t think we as adults ever grow up sexually. ¬†I know people way up in their 60s hitting these not so secret places. Honestly I don’t think we should ever grow up sexually. ¬†I think being young in the ¬†“pants” will keep everything new and fresh. ¬†I hear some stuck up women right now saying “I have way too much respect for myself to do those things in those places, I’m not his hoe.” ¬†To those women I say this respectfully and I’m sorry to say this to you but you are his hoe, you’re his girl, you do any and everything you physically can for that man and men vice versa you are her hoe! Also let’s be clear I’m not telling you to be everyone’s hoe.
All I’m saying is don’t grow up too quickly sexually, keep it young, have fun with it. ¬†If you are a house person and wouldn’t dare take it outside, try doing it in the garage, on the dining room table, the kitchen counter, on the stairs, on top of your car (at your house), camp out in your backyard and do the dang on thing. ¬†You can be a hoe in your house too! All men say that want a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed, I think it’s time that we take the freak out of the bedroom and take your alter ego to the streets. ¬†Just try not to get caught because you will get arrested!! LOL


Can I Watch?

Can I watch you have sex?

I got the weirdest email in my Risquethenovel@gmail.com account this morning. ¬†It was a very short email but I read it multiple times, just to take it all in. ¬†I have no idea who sent it but if they took the time to email me, I’m going to do my best to address their situation. ¬†The exact email is below:

My best friend asked me two questions. 1. If she could see the d*ck of the person I’m dealing with?¬†2. ¬†If she can watch us have sex? ¬†PS. I like the guy but I’ll never be with him. ¬†What should I do?

I’ll start by LMAO…..this is hilarious. ¬†Letting someone watch is not as bad as some other things you could do. It’s actually pretty low on the freaky scale but there are a lot of things you should consider or ask yourself. ¬†

1. What’s the purpose? ¬†Is it someone’s fantasy to have another person in the room to watch them do freaky things? ¬†If it’s someone’s fantasy ¬†(I’m not including the “watcher”), then maybe you should put some consideration into it. ¬†As I stated above, there are worse fantasies someone could dream up. ¬†

2. How do you really feel about this person? ¬†If it’s a serious relationship I think it’s an absolute No-NO! There are other freaky things you could do with just the two of you. ¬†Bringing another person in your bedroom will not boost your sexual relationship. ¬†Yeah, you may have tons of fun in the moment but afterwards you may end up paranoid, wondering if they’ll hook up without you. ¬†You don’t wanna live that way. ¬†

3. How casual is your relationship? No matter how casual your relationship is with this guy, you’ve already admitted that you “like” the guy (whatever that means) but you’ll never be with him. ¬†I think it’s safe to say that at the very least you have a small amount of feelings for the guy and when your feelings are involved no matter how small they are this could make this situation way more confusing and difficult then it should be. ¬†So it’s probably not a good idea.¬†

Here’s what I know, if your best friend wants to watch you have sex, you’ve obviously been talking to her about the guy. ¬†Hopefully she’s a true friend because you don’t want her to go behind your back and get him for herself. ¬†The same advice goes to men. ¬†

I just feel like if you’re going to put someone else in your bedroom, even to watch then all parties involved should agree and be comfortable with the arrangement. ¬†If everyone can handle it, then by all means put on a show. ¬†When it comes to your best friend wanting to see his manly parts, in this situation, if he’s ok with showing her, then fine. ¬†Whatever floats yall boat. ¬†Either way, have fun and be safe!

I hope this helps.  


R.L. Wynder

Women Step Your Sex Game Up!!!


No Sex

After I posted my most successful blog post ever last week (Who Wants To Put a Penis in Their Mouth, First Thing in the Morning? http://wp.me/pTTLF-es), I got a lot of feedback from the men, especially married men and I was actually surprised by the things they shared with me. ¬†Marriages are ending and being ruined because of one simple thing. ¬†To me it seems like a very simple thing and silly ol’ me, I even thought it came with the territory especially in a marriage. ¬†After posting last week’s post I found out how so untrue my thinking was. ¬†

It wasn’t the first time I’ve actually heard this, it’s been a huge topic in movies, TV shows, and novels but I wasn’t really buying into it, I just thought it made great entertainment. ¬†What is this thing that I’m talking about that’s ruining marriages? ¬†I was told from more than 10 married men that they actually have a hard time getting sex from their wives let alone a little morning head. ¬†I’m still having a hard time believing this but if I’m hearing it from more than one man then there must be some truth to it. ¬†

So ladies I’m becoming a spokesperson for the men (for just this one blog). ¬†If you are one of these women, you better listen up & listen up good. ¬†Unless you have a mental or health issue that prevents you from having sex ¬†with your husband then you have no excuse to be withholding sex from your husband just because you’re tired or because you have a headache. ¬†I’m sure before he proposed to you, you were doing all ¬†the little nasty things you could do to him just so you could keep him. ¬†Now that you have him, you feel like you don’t have to do the things you did to get him because you got him. ¬†I’m sure if you read between the lines in your vows it says that it’s your job to sexually please your husband (and I’m only speaking to the women in healthy relationships). ¬†Here’s a question, now that you got him, what are you going to do to keep him?¬†

I’m not even married but I know that men are simple human beings. ¬†Feed them, make them laugh, give them some great sex, give them some space and 9 times out of 10 you’ll end up with a happy man. ¬†We women love to feel special and wanted by our men and believe it or not they love to feel special and wanted by us. ¬†If you ever believed in the saying “treat others as you want to be treated,” then this will be the perfect time to throw that saying into gear.¬†

We like to be surprised with flowers, candy, Edible Arrangement bouquets and maybe a night off from cooking. ¬†Men like to be surprised with a little head in the morning, some fondling in the car before you get home (just to get the four play rolling), he’ll loose his mind if you push him on the bed and ripped his clothes off for once. ¬†Men NEED to feel like you want them in every single way. ¬†What’s wrong with initiating sex every once in a while? ¬†You shouldn’t be embarrassed because he’s your husband. ¬†

Do you want to know what’s going to happen if you don’t start pleasing YOUR husband the way HE wants to be pleased? ¬†HE will then get someone to do the things that you don’t want to do. ¬†He’ll go out looking for someone else to fulfill his sexual fantasies. ¬†I think the fun part about being married is that you can do all the nasty things you’ve ever wanted to do and not be looked at or thought of as a hoe, because he’s your man. ¬†The sky’s the limit with him because in normal cases the two of you shouldn’t have to worry about “catching” a STD or worse. ¬†

Now you may be the type of woman who can get by with just one sexual act a month, hey, whatever floats your boat. ¬†There’s nothing wrong with that but he may not be that guy, he may need it 3 to 5 times a week. ¬†If that’s the case then the two of you are not sexually compatible. If you used to sex him down 3 to 5 times a week and you no longer do, then you need to contact the woman he’s cheating on you with and figure out how to get some more stamina. As a wife, there’s just no excuse!¬†

Please women, whatever you do, don’t act like you’re doing him a favor just by opening up your legs and laying there just so “mister can do his business.” ¬†No one wants to have sex with someone who doesn’t want to have sex with them (unless they’re a¬†necrophiliac). ¬†

Men, don’t think I’m letting you off easy. ¬†Don’t expect a woman to want to please you sexually if you’re not making them happy out of the bedroom. ¬†If this is happening in your marriage, that’s probably the number one reason why she’s not excited to have sex with you. ¬† It’s always mental with women. ¬†If that’s the case I suggest the two of you to go to counseling or at the very least discuss your issues with one another. ¬†

It’s sex people, it should be fun, especially with the person you’re going to be with “til death do us part.”




Breaking Up is Hard to Do….But Sometimes it Must be done!

Breaking Up is Hard to Do


I’ve been thinking about this post for a while and I took my time writing this because I really wanted to think this thing through and appropriately explain at least one side of this. ¬†Lately I’ve been speaking to a lot of people in relationships, married & unmarried. ¬†I always tend to bring up sex or relationships because I use it as part of my research and oddly enough over the past two months a lot of the ones I’ve spoken to ¬†are in situations or “relationships” that they don’t quite know how to get out of.¬†

So the question is, why be with someone that you don’t want to be with? ¬†I understand no relationship is perfect, by far and every couple will go through their ups and downs. ¬†The one question that I always ask anyone in this situation is, Are you happier with or without him/her? ¬†A lot of the times I’ve heard without. Through my findings I’ve found that there are 6 main reasons why people stay in relationships that they don’t want to be in. ¬†¬†

1. Connivence/ Security: ¬†If you’re sharing a home, bills and other responsibilities with a person, it definitely makes life easier for the both of you. ¬†If you leave the person that you’re with, you now have to think about how this bill will get paid or will you have enough money for food or gas. ¬†So instead of having to worry about your livelihood you opt to stay with that person because your life will be easier. ¬†

2. Boredom / loneliness: ¬†Believe it or not people actually stay with people and sacrifice their happiness because they’re afraid of being alone. ¬†Hey, I get it, no one wants to be alone, especially a woman, so they choose to stay with someone just so they don’t have to come home to an empty house at night.

3. Appearance: ¬†A relationship looks different to anyone on the outside looking in and if you only see the couple in public hugging, laughing and kissing of course it looks great. ¬†It may even make you wish you had a relationship similar to theirs. ¬†Unbeknownst ¬†to you, that’s the only time that they’re happy, behind closed doors, they argue about money, sex and how the other could be putting more work in. Of course no one wants anyone to know the real about their relationship so sometimes it’s just easier to allow people to believe they are the best couple in the world and put up with their horrible relationships behind closed doors. (see my old post about relationship appearances¬†http://wp.me/pTTLF-9J )

4. Afraid to start over: ¬†Everyone knows that being in a relationship can be exhausting and we all like to think, the more we go through with a person the stronger it’ll make our relationship. ¬†No one likes to feel like their time has been wasted, especially if you’ve put in years of work with a person. No matter how much two people may genuinely love one another the truth is ¬†they may not be meant to be together. ¬†A lot of times people realize this but the thought of starting over with someone new and putting in years worth with someone else is just not worth it for some and the thought is just exhausting. ¬†

5. Sex: ¬†The only time a couple may get a long is during sex. ¬†If you spend most of your time in your relationship having sex, when do you actually get the time to evaluate ¬†the state of your relationship? ¬†In between your sexual romps you argue, you ignore each other and the next time you two actually speak is when you’re having make-up sex. ¬†During that make-up sex the only thing you can think of is “how can I ever leave him/her, when the sex is this good.” ¬†

6. Family: Last on my list but certainly not the least. ¬†I understand couples who have children and they want to create the family unit for their children. ¬†As I said in number 4, sometimes relationships just aren’t meant to be. ¬†I totally get that you’re doing it for the kid’s sake but let’s give the children some credit. ¬†They will know when something isn’t right between the two of you, you’ll only be fooling yourselves. ¬†Your happiness should always come first because if you aren’t happy your kids will definitely pick up on it!

Ok, so what to do, if you really want to leave the person? ¬†I clearly understand that leaving may not be easy but your happiness must come first. ¬†If connivence or security is your issue, you should figure out a way you can get by without your significant other. ¬†If you have to cut down on cable, Netflix or going out to eat every now and then just to make it on your own, then it may just be worth it. ¬†If loneliness is your problem, then this is will be the perfect time to start dating and getting to know yourself and what will make you happy. ¬†If appearance is your issue….then just get over that, because that just isn’t worth you being miserable. ¬†If you’re afraid to start over, then just step out on faith or really really try and address your issues with your partner and if it doesn’t get better, you gotta go! ¬†If great sex is the reason why you’re staying, I guarantee there are other people out there that can please you just as much, if not you can always teach them ;). ¬†

Good Luck!  Remember your happiness comes first!



Its no secret that I work in the television industry and I love watching tv, so whenever I can combine my love for TV and writing, I take advantage of it. ¬† With that being said…..today’s post is brought to you by¬†BET’s new hit series,¬†Being Mary Jane. ¬†If you haven’t seen the show it stars, Gabrielle Union who is a successful news anchor. ¬†To the outside world it seems like she has it all, money, a beautiful house, car and a dream career. ¬†Of course, she’s missing one thing, love. ¬†

Last week the season opener ended with a bang, literally, as that fine ass Omari Hardwick boldly took over Gabby’s body in a fancy gym’s locker room shower (I’m not really sure why he was able to walk up in the women’s locker room without getting stopped but that’s neither here nor there). ¬†Sounds great and all but the man is married. ¬†Fast forward to this week’s episode it opened up with the already married man, proposing to Gabby (yeah, none of this I believe because in what world do a man leave his wife for the side chick? But again that’s neither here nor there). ¬†In one scene Omari and his wife (not Gabby), were arguing about sex and his wife asks a very important question….. “Who wants to put a penis in their mouth, first thing in the morning?”

Who? I’ll tell you who should want to…..His wife! The woman who asked that ridiculous question. ¬†First off I personally believe if you’re in a relationship with someone from boyfriend to girlfriend to man and wife and you’re currently sexually active with that person then you both have an obligation to please each other. ¬†If you’re grown….Let’s say at least 28 and up I’m going to assume that you participate in oral sex. ¬†If your man wants to be awaken by a little head in the morning, then gosh darn it roll over and give that man a little head in the morning. ¬†Put him right back to sleep, and when he finally gets up and out of that house he’ll be thinking of you all day until he gets back home for part two. ¬†You should want to please your man and surprise him every once in a while.

Am I suggesting to do it, every single morning? Helllllll NO! LOL, maybe twice a week, lol. ¬†I’ve said this before, I believe giving a man oral sex should sometimes be earned. ¬†Definitely don’t be waking up and rolling over and surprising him with morning head if he’s a disrespectful bastard. ¬†If he’s good to you in and out of the bed, then he earned some morning head. ¬†Everyone knows if you ain’t giving a man what he wants then he will go out and find it else where. ¬†I’m not saying be submissive to him but sex should be fun. ¬†Sex shouldn’t feel like a job and if you do the same ol’ crap over and over it becomes a job so you gotta throw some wrenches up in there, like some morning head. ¬†

To my ladies who don’t believe in that, here’s my advice. ¬†You better start believing in it, especially if you expect the guy to give you some morning or night head. ¬†To my ladies who may not be as good as you’ll like to be at giving head or need some help in that department…. I actually happen to have a very popular entertaining youtube video (almost 14,000 views) that’ll give you some help.¬†http://youtu.be/_Cpqt_piI8k

Thank me later!

R.L. Wynder


Oh My! He has really BIG…..Feet!


I recently over heard a conversation on the subway, where two women were discussing the possibility of having sex with some man. ¬†Here’s how the conversation went: Girl 1: “I can’t wait until I get all of that 11.5 inches…..” ¬†Girl 2: “Wait, what?! ¬†How do you know the exact size of that man’s penis.” ¬†Girl 1: “I think he wears about a 11.5 in shoe size so obviously that’s the size of his penis.” Girl 2 then starts to laugh in a similar way that I was laughing in my head.

Do all men with huge feet have large penises? ¬†Is there any truth to this sterotype or is it just a flat out lie made up by some man with large feet and a small penis? ¬†I’m sure all men with large feet have no complaints about this saying, so I’m sure you’ll just disregard everything that I’ll say in this post. ¬†To your defense (and everyone who believes this), back in the day and I mean…..way back in the day according to¬†Darwinian Evolution Theory, if men had large penises and small feet, they would keep falling forward. Obviously one day they’ll hit their heads on a stone, bust their heads open to the white meat and eventually leading them to their demise. ¬†According to the Theory it was common sense, survival of the fittest. ¬†Well….sorry guys, my common sense is telling me that this is a bunch of bull crap! ¬†It should be no surprise to anyone that a man’s shoe size or his hand size has nothing to do with his penis size. ¬†

I’m sure every lady and some of you men have been in a “situation” with a man, checked out his shoe size, his hand size and thought you were about to see the king of kong but instead you were disappointed when he pulled out the smurf of all smurfs. ¬†All of your dreams and hopes for that myth to be true was shattered. ¬†

Don’t get me wrong there are some people with small feet carrying a huge gun and there are men who actually live up to the myth and It has everything to do with genetics. ¬†So to all of you men out there who don’t add up to your shoe size you should blame your daddy or the men on your mom’s side, and oh…please don’t act like you have more than you do, just embrace it and become great at other things (wink ;)). ¬†Ladies don’t just assume a man is packing based off of his shoe size…..you may end up disappointed. ¬†

For your entertainment only, I’ve included a chart of what your penis size should be, according to your shoe size. ¬†