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Now I Want That Old Thang Back!

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Guess who’s bizaaaaack!  That’s right R.L. is back on the scene and I apologize for being away for so long BUT after being pregnant, sick every day and then raising a little girl in the rough city of NY( and not to mention working full time) I’m just now finding the time to transform from Mommy to R.L.  I’m really going to try and keep this thing up because I really have missed writing and interacting with you all.  BTW, Risque The Novel’s sales are still doing well online and I hope to have another book out by next summer.  

 
Now that I got that out of the way let’s get into today’s topic.  In the words of H-Town “Now I want that old thang back!”  Hmmmm, this subject may be a little sticky for some of us but I’m sure most of us have had at least one woman or man that they can’t get enough of.  We break up, we argue, we scream I hate you and I never want to see you again….we do all that just to be laying up with that same person again telling them how much we love them.  Why is that? I mean we must know that something isn’t right and that maybe it’s not meant for you and whomever to continue to deal with one another but something keeps reeling you back in.  Let’s discuss…. 
 
I believe the number one reason this keeps happening is because of what we call love, even if it’s a dysfunctional love, well obviously it’s a dysfunctional love if you gotta keep going back and forth with someone.  It’s extremely hard just to up and leave someone that you truly love.  I know some of us, women especially we care too much for the other person and we begin to say things like “Well he is stressed and having a hard time,” or “I invested too much in this man and to start all over again with someone else is just out of the question.” Or, how about “If I have to go through it with someone it might as well be him.”  In my opinion those are all valid points but the question I always ask myself is “Will my life be better and/or happier with or without this person,” whatever my answer is, I try to then work on a plan to make that happen.  It’s definitely not as easy as it sounds.
 
The number two, this is actually number one but I wanted to give some of you the benefit of the doubt and not portray you as a shallow person….hee hee hee.  SEX!!! Sex is the number one, I mean the number two reason why a lot of this back and forth mess keeps happening.  Some people say (not me, but some people), that the best sex is make-up sex.  After a huge argument you can have sex and forget what the hell you were arguing about in the first place.  I mean we’ve all seen Baby Boy, right?  One of the best scenes is the one where he hit her and then made up for it with what?????? SEX! And Yep, she forgot allll about her black eye…lol.  A lot of times our bodies are stronger than our minds.  “My mind’s telling me noooooo…..but my body….,” yall know the rest.  
 
The final reason……drum roll please, is because we don’t know how or like to actually deal with issues head on.  Most of the time, your issues are never spoken about unless you’re arguing about them.  When you do get back together you act like nothing ever happened and you try to continue the relationship but the same issues that caused the past break-ups keeps coming back therefore resulting in another break-up.  See the cycle?  If you actually sit down and talk about what’s happening in your relationship then you can move on and hopefully break the cycle. 
 
How do we overcome this horrible disease?  I think it really has to do with self-worth and what you’re willing to deal with.  If you don’t mind having to go back and forth, to break up to make up, then this life is for you.  No judgement here, we’re all different and we all want different things. I’m sure by now you know who you’re dealing with and if you’ve known that person for a while he or she will probably be who they are for the rest of their lives.  
 
If you believe you deserve to be treated better, then you have to put YOU first.  What’s the worst that can happen?  You’ll be alone until someone else comes along?  Fine, but now you know and understand what you will and won’t put up with and this will help prevent the back and forth thing from happening.  
 
As always, this is only my opinion I didn’t do research on this and I didn’t gather tons of references to back this up.  This is only my opinion but I know a lot of you can relate to my opinion.  If you wanna put in a request for my next topic, please do so…..I love writing but I write for you.  
 
Until next time….Peace, Love & Freakiness
 
R.L. Wynder   
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I Want That Presidential LOVE!

 

For four years now some of you have been saying things like; “I want my Michelle or Barack,” “I want a love like theirs.”  There’s nothing wrong with wanting what you want but allow me to put some things in perspective for you. 

When you think about it we have no idea what type of love our President and the first lady have.  Yes we see the beautiful side of it, the great father, loving husband, down to earth woman and supportive wife, but what we don’t see is how they are behind closed doors.  Don’t get me wrong, I too find their love to be a beautiful one and sometimes wish I had my “Obama.”  Then I found myself thinking, what if the love we see isn’t the love they really have?  Would we still want our Michelle or our Barack?  What if they were exactly like the men or women we have or already had?  Would we still want a love like theirs?  

Everyone of us who’s been in a relationship know that it’s not an easy task.  Every relationship has it’s issues and it seems like (from what we can see) Michelle and Barack have worked very hard to keep their relationship together.  If you want your Michelle or Barack, here’s my suggestion and this can only work if the both of you want this kind of love and are willing to work for it.  You have to really communicate and work through your issues.  If you’re married, you have to remember the vows you took before God.  You can’t run when things get hard.  Let’s not get it twisted I’m not saying if he/she cheats on you repeatedly that you should stay.  That’s a clear sign that you and your partner are not on the same page and they obviously don’t want that Presidential Love.  You have to pick and choose your battles because every battle is not worth fighting.  If it took him 5 minutes to call you back instead of the normal 3, just let it go.  Don’t forget, just let it go (LOL).  

We see all the good stuff with Michelle and Barack but let’s not forget they both have a lot of lonely nights because of the positions they have.  Michelle just can’t call Barack at any moment and expect him to pick up the phone.  He may be in an interview, a debate, a meeting and of course running the country and she’s just as busy as he is.  That’s where the give and take comes in.  So you gotta ask yourself, What’s more important to you?  Having your man or woman there in arms reach all the time or having him away from you 60% of the time.  Their relationship may be so great because they don’t see each other as often as a regular couple do.  We all know that “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”  When you’re starring at the same person every single day, they’re bound to get on your nerves.  

Little do you know, you may already have your “Michelle” or “Barack,”  you just never know until you go through somethings together and make it out of it.  The grass isn’t always greener on the other side so stay on your side a little while longer, there’s a little Michelle and Barack in all of us we just have to find it and pull it out of one another.  

 

 

THE NUMBERS GAME…HOW MANY IS TOO MANY (SEXUAL PARTNERS)

I finally got the chance to listen to J. Cole’s new album and overall I like the album.  He raps about a lot of things that people our age go through and it just feels real when you listen to it.  It was very interesting to me, to hear a man’s point of view on things such as love, women, abortion and his father.  

One of his bars really caught my attention.  In his song “Nobody’s Perfect,” feat Missy Elliot, he said and I quote “She say she only fucked bout’ four or five niggas, so you know you gotta multiply that by 3.”  LOL……now, how truthful is that? AND Who the hell told him that?  I think it’s safe to say (for normal women, not hoes) that multiplying the number by 3 is an exaggeration, adding 4 or 5 sounds more realistic to me.  If you’re a hoe then multiplying may be the best math technique to use.  

Here’s a question for you men…if you think you multiply our numbers by 4 or 5 is it safe for us to divide your numbers by 4 or 5?  Hmmmmm….I thought so.   I’m going to get real with you men for a minute.  TRUTH IS sometimes women lie about the amount of men they’ve been with for four main reason (they may not be the only reasons but these are the MAIN reasons).  These are in no particular order.  

The number 1 obvious reason why women play down the number of men they’ve been with is because they don’t want to give the impression that they’re a hoe (in lack of better words).  The good ol’ double standard rears its ugly head again.  I mean how many is too many anyway?  That answer, I don’t know.  I think every woman has a different answer with different rules depending on their standards.  For example for me reaching double digits is too many for me, which is why (before I had a steady boyfriend) I would prefer to go backwards just because I didn’t want to add another number.  I will say to determine how many is too many a person’s age and relationship with the men should be taken in consideration.  

The number 2 reason is really simple…..some people don’t deserve to be considered a number.  What do I mean?  Ladies you already know what I’m talking about so let me be REAL honest with you men.  Sometimes the sex ain’t worth a number.  For those of you men who’ve came in .5 seconds….guess what?  Your girl didn’t count you and she probably didn’t give you a second chance if she wasn’t in love with you (you probably turned her alllll the way off!).  Or how bout’ those of you men who actually entered the woman but she quickly changed her mind…..guess what?  She didn’t count you either.  Same for you men with the incredibly small penises that your girl couldn’t feel anything through the whole ordeal, yep you got it, she didn’t count you either.

The #3 reason is something that me and my man argue about all the time.  Men, don’t for one second believe that you can count a woman as one of your sexual partners if all you did was give her oral.  Now if a guy only gave me oral (believe me it happens more often to women then you guys think) I will not consider him a sexual partner.  Now my man on the other hand believe that its worthy of a number.  He believes if a woman opens up her legs it’s considered sex.  I guess he also considers fondling sex as well, let him tell it.  Again, this is my opinion and I’m sure others agree with me.  For those of you men who disagree, you’re just mad because at the end of the day you felt like a sucker.  Even if she made it very clear to you in the beginning that nothing outside of you giving her oral was going to happen. BUT you my friend felt like your oral skills would be so great that she’ll automatically want the dick. In order for men to not feel like a sucker, they chalk it up as another one under their belt.  I would definitely separate the two groups into sexual partners & people who’ve given me oral sex.  Ladies let me just say if some of you are like these men who just give the man oral sex and that’s it……you my friend are a sucker too! LOL

Lastly the reason why women may not count a man as a sexual partner is simply because she’s embarrassed.  She must have been out of her mind to have slept with you.  Men don’t act like you don’t do this either.  There are some women you’ll scream to the mountain top about and others you pray to God no one finds out about (until of course you get her pregnant).  

Honestly the amount of people a woman or a man has been with in no way shape or form defines them.  Having a lot of sexual partners doesn’t make you a hoe and having a small amount doesn’t make you an angel.  The MOST IMPORTANT thing is that everyone knows their HIV/AIDS status and routinely get checked for STDS if you’re out there sowing your oats.  There are some women who’ve only had sex with 1 person and contracted HIV and there are some women who’ve slept with hundreds of men who’ve never contracted a thing.  The world is a funny place, just do your job in keeping yourself and those you come in contact with safe.  

 

IS IT TABOO FOR WOMEN TO APPROACH MEN?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just yesterday in the office I was asked by a woman do I ever approach men.  Just a couple of days before that a man asked me the same exact question.  So it’s only natural that I write about this topic.  First and foremost let me put this out there for everyone….I R.L. WYNDER HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH APPROACHING A MAN.  I’ve always been a go-getter with anything in life, if it’s something or someone I want I will go after it.  A lot of times I catch men off guard and they have no idea how to react, I either turn them totally off or completely on, no in between.

From all of the noes I’ve heard (yes people have turned the magnificent R.L down) you would think it’ll stop me from approaching men; I wouldn’t be R.L. if I do that.  When a man is taken aback just because I approached them then they’re not strong or should I say man enough to be with me any way.  It’s honestly no love lost on my end, besides closed mouths don’t get fed.  I understand, it takes a very secure man to be ok with the fact that a woman just approached him and did “his job.”  I appreciate those secure men.

There are two reasons and two reason only why women don’t approach men.  1. They feel that they’re too good to approach a man.  She believes if a man wants her then he should walk his happy ass across the room and approach her.  AND 2. She’s just simply afraid of rejection.  Reaching back to #1, she assumes if he didn’t come and approach her then he must not want her.  Which then puts her in a position to get rejected if she decides to approach him.

I believe it’s somewhat the same way when it comes to guys, except with a little twist.  The man may not feel that he’s worthy or good enough for the woman so he avoids the embarrassment and settles on dreaming about being with the woman instead of actually saying hello.

People if we live our lives waiting on things or people to come to us, we’ll be waiting for  long time.  Yeah, yeah I’ve heard of “Good things come to those who wait,” but why wait if you can be in control of the situation sometimes.  Only a fool would let an opportunity slip from under them.  Everyone that I look up to in my profession as a writer or a producer have all been proactive.  Everyone I know who’s in a successful relationship and happy have all been proactive within their relationship from the beginning to the end.

I say all this to say, if it’s someone you want, don’t wait for them to approach you because if you wait too long he/she may approach someone else or someone else with more guts than you may approach them.  I always say this to my friends and to myself when I become hesitant to ask someone something…..the worst thing that can happen is that they say NO.  You’re not going to die from that no, you’re not going to have a heart attach from that no.  Your ego may be a little bruised, other than that your day will continue as normal.  It’s time to step out of your comfort zone, take it from me, I’ve always lived outside of my comfort zone.

Until next time…….

Peace, Love & Freakiness

EYE FOR AN EYE

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now I know I’ve been neglecting you guys and I’m sorry.  My other career has been keeping me busy. There’s something I want to speak on and I know I’m a couple of weeks late but there’s no reason why I still can’t bring this subject up.  Now, I know everyone has seen the last episode of Basketball Wives, Miami (I have to call it that now since it has now franchised….LOL) and the infamous scene where Eric throws a drink in Jennifer’s face.  When I saw the previews I was thinking, he is such a bitch! How dare he throw a drink in her face!  Buuuuuuuut, when I saw the full scene my feelings changed. 

Let me explain to yall the type of person I am.  I believe in equality between all races and sexes (the rules change when it comes to the elderly and the babies).  I believe once you do something to someone that person has a right to now do the same thing to you.  I spoke on the Chris Brown, Rihanna situation briefly…….in no way do I condone domestic violence on anyone’s behalf but if I hit someone I do expect to get hit back, male or female.  No one was there but the two of them and there are rumors that she began hitting him first.  I’ve always hated to see the women who argued with their boyfriends and constantly smacking them up aside their head while their man is yelling “Yo, Go Head” 50 thousand times before he ends up smacking her.  If I hit a man I’m prepared to get hit back and will most likely loose my battle but at least I knew what I was getting into.  Some of you may not agree but that’s just the reality of the situation.

Getting back to the matter at hand……So Jennifer’s punk ass decides to throw a drink at Eric once he gets up and walk away.  If she was going to throw the drink she should have been woman enough to throw it in his damn face.  Eric was probably thinking the same thing I was thinking so he was determined to show Jennifer that he was more of a WOMAN than she was and threw the drink in her face.  I say congrats to you Eric because in some sort of way I saw life coming back full circle.  How many times within the 3 seasons (I think 3) did we see Jennifer bitch out, opted to not throw hands but throw drinks instead at other women?  The other women never had a chance to throw them back at her because she hid behind Evelyn.  In a way this was Karma coming back to slap Jen in the face.  Unfortunately it was done by a scorned man but it was done.  I think it brought her ass down a couple of notches.  

Men don’t for one second think that I’m saying it’s ok to hit your girl and throw drinks in her face.  In this particular instance it was appropriate.  And Ladies don’t you think you can go around hitting men and it’s ok just because you’re a woman.  It’s not ok, now a days they are just as hard on women when it comes to domestic violence as they are with men .  Word of advice from R.L. EVERYONE, KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF AND YOUR DRINKS IN YOUR CUPS!

 

 

Risque’s Newest Celebrity Fan!

LOOK OUT! Risque has gained another celebrity stan and this time I happened to snag a very handsome, upstanding young man.  It only makes it better that he’s from my home state of Virginia.  I’m speaking of none other than Mr. Nate Parker.  You may have seen Mr. Parker in a little movie called The Great Debaters, among other great movies.  I had the great fortune of working with him recently and he’s a great down to earth man who reminds me a lot of the characters he portray.  A strong minded indiviual who stands up for his rights and doesn’t have any problems proving his point if you’re wrong.  Enough about him…..LOL

Nate actually asked me for a copy of the book and of course I was happy to give him a copy.  I promised Nate that I wouldn’t post this until he checked out the book and approved and he did!  So thanks Nate!  It was a pleasure working with you, good luck in all your future projects and I hope you enjoy!

You guys can follow Nate on twitter @NateParker and check out his website http://www.nateparker.com to find out what’s new with him.

 

Single Ladies Edition: No Licky, Licky; Eff The Sticky, Sticky

 

I know most of you have seen VH1’s show Single Ladies, created by Queen Latifah and Stacy A. Littlejohn.  If you haven’t, what rock have you been under?  I put the R.L. Wynder stamp of approval on this show.  African-Americans have very selective scripted shows we can choose from on TV now-a-days and this has the potential to be a great show!  With that said………on with today’s post.

 In the latest episode love starved Val (Stacey Dash) finally meets the man of her dreams and is on cloud 9 when she finds out he’s moving to Atlanta.  He’s handsome, educated and has a fruitful career as a chef.  What could possibly be wrong with him?  Nothing, right?  Wrong.  Val discovered that Mr. Chef doesn’t dine on Southern Cuisine and when asked why, he replied something to the likes of what’s in his pants is enough for women and they don’t need anything else. HA!!! That was the funniest joke I heard all night.  He also expected Val to give him oral because it’s “more natural” for women to give men head (another funny joke).  

 Like any sane woman, Val proceeded to kick him out of her house and end their fresh blossoming relationship.  Today’s questions (1 for the ladies and 1 for the men)…..LADIES: Is it a deal breaker for you if a man refuses to give oral sex?  MEN: How many of you really believe that women should give oral and not be on the receiving end?

 As a woman I can thankfully say since being an adult and being mature enough to handle sex and everything that comes along with it that I’ve never had to worry about a man not dining on my southern cuisine.  I can tell you, if I ever encounter someone who doesn’t do it, it’ll definitely be a turn off.  Since a young age, before I ever had sex I used to be an avid listener to Lil Kim and she would always talk about not letting a man fuck her without eating her out (I know that was blunt).  So I always took her advice and I’ll just like to say, thank you Lil Kim for the best advice ever!  So ladies if you feel the same way, I advise you to lay it out in the beginning and if he tells you he doesn’t do “those types of activities,” then you kick him to the curb like Val did. 

 I’ve said this before, sex is a huge factor in a lot of relationships.  Men must remember that the majority of women in the world do NOT I repeat DO NOT receive their orgasms vaginally.  The majority of us receive our orgasms through clitoral stimulation.  You men are going to cum regardless if we give you head or not, we are not always guaranteed a nut.  So for us to give you head, consider it a bonus.  You should be giving us head every time because that may be the only way some of us can get ours in, so STOP being selfish. 

 For all of you men who don’t give oral, get a grip and dive into it!  BUT every vagina does not need or deserved to be orally pleased.  If she’s a hoe, jumpoff, or not your main girl definitely think about it.  I always promote safe sex, so don’t be afraid to ask the woman to go with you to the doctor so both of you can get checked out together before dining.  There are also ways you can protect yourselves by giving oral with a dental dam or saran wrap (that’s wack so go get tested!).  Ladies we can protect ourselves by having the men wear condoms. 

 If you’re in a relationship with someone I believe the two people deserve to have the best sex life possible.  Don’t cheat the other one from an orgasm.  You should want to please your partner because ultimately he or she is fucking you to be pleased by you if they have to please themselves they’ll be better off masturbating or worse finding someone else to do it.  So step your game up!

I want to hear from you, so PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT!

 LOVE, PEACE AND FREAKINESS

 R.L. WYNDER

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