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Is It Ever Too Early To Know You Love Someone?


We’ve all been in the position before where we’ve met a nice man or woman and everything about him or her seems so perfect and we wonder where the hell has this person has been all of my life? After a few weeks of bliss things are still the same, then months past and before you know it the two of you have hit 6 months.  You sit down and you wonder how you’ve made it through 20/30 something odd years without this person and then you realize that “hey, I think I love this person.” Then your mind starts playing tricks on you, maybe it’s not love, maybe I’m just in love with the sex or maybe I’m just infatuated.  The only reason you’re questioning yourself is because it’s only been 6 months.  Can you really love someone in 6 months, is 6 months too early to know that you love someone?

In my opinion there should be no time limit on love, if you know you know.  Let’s not get anything confused, there are stipulations to this.  Speaking to someone for a year through a dating app or site is not the same as knowing someone and physically seeing them for 6 months.  Believe it or not, I’ve heard of cases where people agree to be in a relationship with someone they’ve never met.  To me, that’s crazy but to each it’s own.  It’s easy to deal with someone through the phone or behind a screen.  You can pick up when you want to, write back when you want to.  The other person can’t see when you’re rolling your eyes or not, you can’t see how the other person lives, and most importantly you can’t verify anything that they’re saying with your own eyes. He could tell you that he’s the CEO of a fortune 500 company but leave everyday to sell oil on the street.  So for those of you who claim you’re in love with a person you’ve never met, I’m going to have to call bullshit on it.

Why am I calling bullshit on it?  I’m calling bullshit on it because you must give yourself time to learn one another, to know one another and that’s the big difference with an exclusive online relationship vs. a personal one.  When you’re in a relationship with someone you see on occasion or everyday for 6 months, you have the opportunity to figure each other out, to see how the other half lives and you still have enough time to decide if you can deal with the way the other person is or not.  I like to think that during the honeymoon phase (the first three months) people give you their best self, not to say what you see isn’t a part of who they  are but they’re careful in not showing you their ugly side (we all have an ugly side).  After those three months they begin to let their guard down and reveal more of themselves, if you like what you see you stay.

So, can you really love someone in 6 months, yes you can but it doesn’t mean that the two of you are meant to be together or that you won’t have rough times, it just simply means that you love him or her.  I think one problem we have as humans is that we think that we’re supposed to be with everyone we love, but that’s a different blog so I won’t get into that, today.  Remember to just take your time, don’t be stupid.  A lot of times we see signs of a person we don’t like or we ignore how horrible they make us feel all because we want to force ourselves to be in love with someone.   You can know that you love someone in a short amount of time but be honest with yourself about it, don’t stay just because you want someone.



Dear Loyal Readers,

I want to thank you all for supporting me and staying connected to me for almost 8 years. I know I haven’t been the most consistent writer due to personal reasons and my career, which is no excuse but I promised myself that I will do better.

My goal with this blog is to bring you content related to Love, Sex & Relationships, that you want and content that you’re interested in reading.  In order to do this, I may need your help.  If there’s a subject you want me to address please email me at and I will gladly address it.  I’m asking for your input because it can be extremely difficult to come up with fresh topics at times.  I usually just hit my friends up and have them give me topics but I now want to hear from you.

I also want to incorporate my “Ask R.L” section more, so I ask that you do the same with this.  Email me, inbox me on my new Facebook page (since my last page got shut down due to someone reporting one of my most popular posts): The Risque The Novel, and ask me whatever you want and I will address it, not in blog form but in answer form.  Don’t worry about people knowing who you are, I will address you anonymously.

I’m looking forward to bringing you all fresh new content and tackling the most Risque topics that most people are afraid to utter, so Get Ready! Get Ready! Get Ready!!

Thank you again!








What Do You Do When You Have Bitten Off More Than You Can Chew?


When women get together we talk about sex often, it’s just a natural conversation that comes up. One of the topics that always come up is a man’s penis size, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS.  If it’s small you better believe we’re calling our girlfriends at the first chance we get, hell we’re probably texting them right in front of your face.  If the penis is an average good size, we don’t spend a lot of time talking about it, we’ll say something like “Yeah it was a good size,” and then the girlfriend will follow up with “Does he know how to work it?” Most men fall into the average size category followed by the tiny penis men category.  So that leaves us talking about what we rarely find in a man, a WELLLLLL endowed man, and I’m not talking a very long penis without width, or a wide penis without length but a man who is blessed with both length and width.  A penis that when soft is heavy when you pick it up (yes, I just said that).  A penis that you thought only belonged to porn stars. 

We sit around and we say “I need for my man to have a big penis,” “I only want a king-dinga-ling.”  Yeah, yeah, yeah, we say that because we don’t know what that actually means, or what it actually feels like.  What happens when you’re with a man, you put your hands in his pants, you grab his penis but in your mind you know you’ve made some type of mistake and grabbed his balls and his penis because what you’re currently holding is just too wide (and it’s soft).  But, you take your hand and rub it up and down his shaft only to realize that you didn’t make a mistake and that you’re actually holding the loch ness monster in your hands.  You become excited and you want it right away, the sex begins and you physically can’t handle it, you want to, but your body is telling you other wise.  There’s is no space in your vagina, it sucks up all of your natural fluids without you even telling your body to do so.  It’s at this very moment when you realize you’ve never experienced anything of this nature and you may have bitten off more than you can chew.  

If this is just a fling, fine; finish it up but you have the option to leave him alone without any regrets.  Believe me, I don’t care what he says you’re not hurting his feelings because he’s heard this over and over.  Let’s say this is your boo or husband, someone you’re going to have sex with over and over; you’re going to have to figure out how to make this more comfortable for the both of you.  I have come up with a list of things to help you lucky or not so lucky ladies deal with a well endowed man.  

1.  Naturally the more you have have sex with someone the more your vagina will get used to the very large penis.  So as much as your vagina will allow, have sex with that man.  Morning and night! 

2. You gotta be well lubricated and there’s two ways you can make this happen, natural lubrication and store bought lubrication.  Four play will be really important when dealing with this type of man, make sure you are turned on as you can possibly be.  Your muscle walls will stretch easier and it’ll help prevent soreness (even though you’ll probably still be sore).  When picking an over the counter lube there are two main types; water based and Silicone based.  Water based is best for those who have a sensitive vagina but you will be re-applying it more often.  If you don’t want to have to re-apply as much then you should choose a silicone based lube.  Ladies don’t be ashamed to have to use lube because this is not a normal sized penis you’re dealing with so it’s ok to use a little extra help. Oh, you can also use spit but you will be using a lot of it. 

3.  If you’re in a trusting relationship and you and your partner have discussed not using condoms, then don’t, because the condom will add more friction and you’ll be able to feel the condom go in and out making the soreness worse.  You can also use lube while wearing a condom, a water based lube is best.  

4.  Get yourself a dildo, a large one, something that resembles your man.  Use it on yourself in between the times the two of you have sex.  If you bring this issue up with a doctor, he or she will probably tell you the same thing.  

5.  You have to have communication.  When he puts you in an uncomfortable position let him know, so he can switch it up.  If he’s in too deep, let him know.  Try different positions until you figure out what works best for your body.  If you don’t talk about it neither one of you would know what works best.  Closed mouths don’t get fed.  

6.  Give it time.  Don’t give up on the man because it’s not his fault that he’s blessed in that area.  It’ll get better over time.  Don’t focus on the fact that it’s so large, focus on the parts that make you feel good because if he’s good at what he does, it will feel good.   

7.  Smile because you know first hand that a very large penis is not a myth, it is true but only a few people are in that elite club.  

So ladies if you happen to bite off more than you can chew, humble yourself and take some of my tips.  Men be easy on the ladies, don’t try and power drill them during your first encounter because that just might be your last but she’ll stick around if she really cares about you, if she doesn’t……she’s running like hell! LOL

Are Men the new Women?



One of the best things about being an adult is that you have the right to do any and everything you want to do (of course only if it’s legal…  You can walk into any situation understanding what’s about to happen or what may possibly happen and leave that situation feeling like the same man or woman you were before you walked in.  In pure Risquethenovel fashion, of course I’m making this about sex.

Let me start this off by saying how much I despise double standards, I feel as though if it’s ok for a man to do certain things then it should also be ok for a woman to do the same and not be judged, you can call me something like a feminist.

With that being said I’ve been noticing a popular trend lately, there are a lot of men who can’t manage to keep their mouths shut after having a sexual encounter with a woman they feel it’s necessary for them to tell the world, via Facebook or by mouth about what happened.  Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy me a good cup of tea on the book but I started to ask myself, when did the tables turn?  When someone’s business is put out publicly the reader then judges and then for some reason the woman becomes the one in the wrong.

When did men start talking more than women?  Why are men talking more than women?  I’m not sure when the tables turned, maybe it’s always been this way but maybe, just maybe men only told their closest friends that they trusted and those friends actually kept their mouths shut.  I also feel like if a man deals with a woman that he’s always wanted or that everyone wanted then it’s only natural for him to scream from the mountain tops and let everyone know that he finally conquered the unconquerable.  

Here’s my question, why can’t two grown or maybe 3 or 4 grown adults get together for a little fun without having to worry about will my business end up on the street? That’s the last thing anyone should have to worry about after having a great night with someone.  

Another thing that I’ve also noticed is that before these encounters happen, men are willing to say and do whatever it takes to get with a woman but as soon as they get her sometimes all communication ceases and men go back to acting like they never knew the person.  Men, I’ll tell you what that does to a woman, it makes her feel stupid, less than, sometimes like a whore. Because, what? That’s all you wanted and you got it and now you’re done with her?  Fine, if that’s the case then you should be upfront about it.  Women are just as sexually hungry as men, if not more so you could have taken the easy way out and been upfront & laid your expectations down.  Cutting someone off abruptly only leads to drama because she could be a crazy person, cut your tires, put you on blast or bombard you with dozens of phones calls a day and it all could have been avoided.  She’s still a human being with feelings, so treat her as such. 

My point to this is, if you’re going to put yourself in grown up situations you should come out of the situation as an adult as well.  You men would get a lot more if you handled situations this way.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that women don’t talk, I’m just saying that lately it seems like their are a lot more men doing the talking, which is a little unusual.  Men, check yourselves and women make sure you’re getting involved with the right person, not everyone deserves a piece of you.  






Would You Rather be the one CHEATED ON or CHEATED WITH?

miptvs_most_wantedWARNING: This topic is very controversial and is not suitable for the high and mighty judgemental folk!

In this day and age it seems as though the “side chick” is becoming more popular on tv. There’s Mary Jane from Being Mary Jane, Olivia Pope from Scandal and Angela from Power. People are making it seem like being a side chick is something new but the truth is side chicks have been around since biblical times. We’ve all heard the stories about Granddaddy having an whole other family across the tracks….LOL.

I was talking to my homegirl one day and some how we started talking about cheating and the pain that comes from it, if we preferred to know, if we could handle the truth and so on. During our conversation it suddenly dawned on me that the majority of women are either being cheated on or being cheated with. In my opinion 80% of men stray, business men, thugs, God fearing men, old men, young men, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, ALL MEN! I don’t think it makes them a bad person, it just makes them a person who cheats (we all have our vices).

I know a lot of ladies reading this are saying “Women should have enough respect for themselves to not engage in these activities with men who are taken.” You ladies may also be saying “how can you do another woman like that? We gotta stick together as women.” I might address that later but for right now I’m going to leave it alone. 🙂

In my opinion people who feel that way are not being realistic. Stay with me now because I’m just being honest, I know a lot of people can’t face the truth especially when you’ve been hurt by someone who’s cheated on you. Guess what?! I don’t know not one woman who’s never been cheated on, no matter how they look, how well they cook, how well they put it down in the bedroom, they’ve been cheated on. All women may not know that they’ve been cheated on but they have.

So here’s the question, would you rather be the woman being cheated on? Or, would you rather be the woman that he is cheating with? You don’t have to be either, your man could fall in that 20% percentile. Listen, every woman would love to have the perfect fairy tale relationship where they never argue, no one ever steps out, money is flowing, sex is great but that’s not the reality of a lot of relationships. Some women play both roles; their man cheats on them so they then go out and cheat on their man with a man who’s “occupied.” (<—-That’s also another story)

There are positives and negatives to both sides. The positives of being a “side chick” is that you should know the deal. There should be no surprises, your heart shouldn’t get broken because you know he’s going home to the main chick. The negative is that if you deal with the person long enough your feelings may get involved and you may start to wonder when he’s going to leave the main for you. Let me answer that, never!

A lot of women don’t handle surprises well, especially when it involves finding out that her man is cheating. Of course every woman prefers to be someone’s main chick, wife, girlfriend or what have you but do you want that title if it means you’re sharing him with someone else? The negative about being the woman who’s being cheated on is getting your heart broken if you ever find out.

Let me make this totally clear, as a woman I feel like no woman should have to be on either side of the spectrum but unfortunately that’s not realistic. AND for the record I do believe that there are plenty of men who are faithful, notice I didn’t say ALL men cheat.

I could have gone a lot deeper with this topic but no one looks at the deeper issues or reasons why people cheat when they find out they’ve been cheated on. The only thing that matters is that he or she cheated. I’m not being sexiest either because women cheat just as much as men so this topic can easily be flipped. So I’m interested in hearing from both men & women on this topic. What do you guys think?




Do we as adults ever grow up sexually?  Should we ever grow up sexually?   

When you think about your introduction to the opposite sex back in the day, we did what we could, where we could.  Why? Because we didn’t have a place of our own and if you were crazy enough to do anything in your parent’s house you still risked basically your life!  Honestly maybe that was the exciting thing about it, maybe it wasn’t about the actual act.  Maybe the thrill came from being outside in public places, the fear of getting caught by some stranger rolling up on you, or even worse the cops.  
I’m from the country and in the country there are tons of back roads, dirt roads, hidden roads, beaches, graders (if you ain’t from the country you wouldn’t know), parking lots, baseball fields, parks….yall get my point.  When reading these places I know my sexually grown friends are asking, “who in their right mind will have sex in those places?” First of all let me be clear, I’m almost certain that the sex is probably happening in cars at these locations (besides the beach). Secondly any and everyone who doesn’t have a place to get down in will be more than willing to choose any of these locations.  Their main goal is to get some not to choose the best location.  Why not a hotel you ask? Yeah you could go to a hotel but that’ll take the fun out of everything.
It may also be true that the majority of people who are taking advantage of these five star locations may be creeping.  What married person or couple who lives together need to go and find secret locations?  Not many.  
 To answer my earlier question, no I don’t think we as adults ever grow up sexually.  I know people way up in their 60s hitting these not so secret places. Honestly I don’t think we should ever grow up sexually.  I think being young in the  “pants” will keep everything new and fresh.  I hear some stuck up women right now saying “I have way too much respect for myself to do those things in those places, I’m not his hoe.”  To those women I say this respectfully and I’m sorry to say this to you but you are his hoe, you’re his girl, you do any and everything you physically can for that man and men vice versa you are her hoe! Also let’s be clear I’m not telling you to be everyone’s hoe.
All I’m saying is don’t grow up too quickly sexually, keep it young, have fun with it.  If you are a house person and wouldn’t dare take it outside, try doing it in the garage, on the dining room table, the kitchen counter, on the stairs, on top of your car (at your house), camp out in your backyard and do the dang on thing.  You can be a hoe in your house too! All men say that want a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed, I think it’s time that we take the freak out of the bedroom and take your alter ego to the streets.  Just try not to get caught because you will get arrested!! LOL


Can I Watch?

Can I watch you have sex?

I got the weirdest email in my account this morning.  It was a very short email but I read it multiple times, just to take it all in.  I have no idea who sent it but if they took the time to email me, I’m going to do my best to address their situation.  The exact email is below:

My best friend asked me two questions. 1. If she could see the d*ck of the person I’m dealing with? 2.  If she can watch us have sex?  PS. I like the guy but I’ll never be with him.  What should I do?

I’ll start by LMAO…..this is hilarious.  Letting someone watch is not as bad as some other things you could do. It’s actually pretty low on the freaky scale but there are a lot of things you should consider or ask yourself.  

1. What’s the purpose?  Is it someone’s fantasy to have another person in the room to watch them do freaky things?  If it’s someone’s fantasy  (I’m not including the “watcher”), then maybe you should put some consideration into it.  As I stated above, there are worse fantasies someone could dream up.  

2. How do you really feel about this person?  If it’s a serious relationship I think it’s an absolute No-NO! There are other freaky things you could do with just the two of you.  Bringing another person in your bedroom will not boost your sexual relationship.  Yeah, you may have tons of fun in the moment but afterwards you may end up paranoid, wondering if they’ll hook up without you.  You don’t wanna live that way.  

3. How casual is your relationship? No matter how casual your relationship is with this guy, you’ve already admitted that you “like” the guy (whatever that means) but you’ll never be with him.  I think it’s safe to say that at the very least you have a small amount of feelings for the guy and when your feelings are involved no matter how small they are this could make this situation way more confusing and difficult then it should be.  So it’s probably not a good idea. 

Here’s what I know, if your best friend wants to watch you have sex, you’ve obviously been talking to her about the guy.  Hopefully she’s a true friend because you don’t want her to go behind your back and get him for herself.  The same advice goes to men.  

I just feel like if you’re going to put someone else in your bedroom, even to watch then all parties involved should agree and be comfortable with the arrangement.  If everyone can handle it, then by all means put on a show.  When it comes to your best friend wanting to see his manly parts, in this situation, if he’s ok with showing her, then fine.  Whatever floats yall boat.  Either way, have fun and be safe!

I hope this helps.  


R.L. Wynder