Archive for the ‘ Relationships ’ Category



Today’s inspiration comes from the 2004 movie starring Jamie Foxx, Morris Chestnut & Gabrielle Union.  This movie wasn’t in my plans to be apart of the Art Imitates Life Series but it came on late one night on the Oxygen Network.  I actually, forgot all about this movie but in the first 20 minutes of watching it, I knew I had to include it in our special series.  Quincy Watson (Jamie Fox), was instructed to write a manual on firing employees the correct & sensitive way to prevent crazy folk from shooting up the office the next day. Before he could finish the manual his wife to be broke up with him in the worst way possible and that’s when he realized that breaking up with your partner and firing people are one in the same so he quit his job and wrote a book on “breaking up,” and sort of became a master in it.  Which brings us to today’s topic; The Break Up, The Good, The Bad & The Ooooogly!


In my opinion there is no good way to break up, unless its a mutual decision and most of the time it’s not a mutual decision.  But you guys know me, I always try and keep an open mind and look at all sides of a situation.  Quincy’s man purpose with his book called “The Plan,” is to do it so well that you keep the other person away from you.  Because we all know when a break up isn’t mutual, the one who didn’t do the breaking up will be the one constantly calling and if the breaker upper isn’t mentally strong enough then he or she could possibly work their way back into the other person’s life.

The first thing Quincy suggests is that you do the breaking up at their house, so you can do the leaving.  I thought about it and that’s very smart, because let Tony come over here and break up with me I’m either going to react one or two ways.  I’m either going to be so angry I’m going to start throwing shit at you or I’m going to be so hurt I won’t be able to do anything but cry.  Either way the breaker upper won’t loose, I’ll be breaking up my own shit and if I cry I’ll be giving him an easy escape .

After that’s done, Quincy suggests you change your voicemail to the automated voice message (house or cell phone).  Why?  Because that person will be calling just to hear your voice and that keeps them attached to you just a little longer.  That makes sense, because a lot of times we do things for reasons we can’t understand and a lot of times it’s definitely subconscious.  I really don’t think this is an important factor to remember when it comes to breaking up, but I would remember it if you have a stalker on your hands.

Another thing that bugged the shit out of me that Evan Fields (Morris Chestnut) did, is that he sent Quincy out to pump up his girlfriend Nicky’s (Gabby) head about him because he was afraid of her breaking up with him all because he wanted to be the one to do it first.  The reason why it bugs the shit out of me is because I encounter men all the time who send their friends over to do their dirty work or to be their wingman.  What will happen is you won’t get the number and the wing man will get cursed out, HARD! It always back fires, just as it did that night with Quincy and Nicky.  Nicky obviously knew who Quincy was so she lied to him, told him a different name and she had a new hairstyle so Quincy had no idea that he was spilling his guts to his cousin Evan’s girlfriedn.  So men do your own dirt, don’t send your friends to do it for you.


As I mentioned before there’s nothing good about a break up for the person that’s being broken up with, especially in their eyes at that time.  When you actually sit down and think about it, most of the time there are always warning signs that the relationship isn’t going so well.  According to Quincy’s book, when a person says “Baby, we need to talk;” that’s the beginning of a break up.  Besides those things, your interactions between your partner becomes different; you become more distant emotionally and physically (unless you’re blind to the fact and don’t want to notice it).  On rare occasions you can meet someone like Evan, who has a 3 month rule, no matter how well the relationship is going he’s going to break up with the girl and that’s the position Nicky was in.

Breaking up is hard to do, especially when you’re in love with the person.  Sometimes you know that it should be over and you just wont do it and you need a lil help.  Your help just so happens to be your partner breaking up with you.  I’m sure you wont think it’s a good thing at the time but if it’s a bad relationship the best thing that he/she could do for you is break up with you.  Just always try to look at all the positives in bad situations.


In my opinion, everything about a break up is bad, bad, bad.  There’s nothing good that comes from it,unless you’re the breaker upper.  The worst part of a break up I believe is getting over it.  Your heart will hurt, the tears will fall and you’ll feel like the world is ending, just as Quincy did in the movie.  The only thing that can heal a heart is one or two things; time or another person (I suggest the first one).

The more time that passes the better you’ll feel about it and eventually you’ll begin to forget about the other person.  That is until you remember what they did to make you laugh, the way they made love to you, they way they smelled, their smile.  Eventually time will take care of those things too, you’ll always remember but it’ll begin to hurt a little less.

I don’t recommend getting another person right away (especially for us women) because if you think about it all we’ll be doing is trying to replace the person who just left you and you can’t replace a person with a different person.  When you leave them, you’ll still be thinking about your ex.  It only helps for the moment, you have to ask yourself how you’ll feel afterwards.  This is why I say we women will have a hard time using this method because it’s extremely hard for us have disconnected sex with men, we’ll end up getting hurt all over again.  So just give it some time.


Now depending on a person’s situation this can go from a horrible curse out to someone ending up dead.  Let Tony come over here and unexpectedly break up with me.  It’s going to end ooooogly because if you hurt me, I’m going to try my hardest to hurt you as well.  I’m going to attempt to whoop his ass, even though one of his biceps is half the size of my thigh.  I can’t beat that man,but I’m going to sure as hell give it a try.

Sometimes people take it a step further, busting out window, slashing tires and I’m sure you’ve heard this line before…….”If I can’t have you than no one can.” That’s when keeping it real goes wrong as hell and people do dumb stuff. Snapped on The Oxygen Network is one of my favorite shows and you think about it, most of those murders happen because the woman didn’t know how to break up with her husband and/or money was involved.  For those of you who’ll take it that far, I suggest you get a copy of Quincy’s book and some mental help before you’re the next person I see on Snapped.

There’s no good way to break up with someone.  I say forget the games and the so called rules and just be as honest as possible to your partner because the more honest and straight forward you are with the person the less of a response you may get.  Why?  Because he or she maybe so shocked by what just came out of your mouth that they’ll probably just sit there and look at you for a couple of minutes.  You better be a smart person and get the hell up out of there before they realize what you just said.  People expect people to lie and make excuses when it comes to situations such as this so they already know their reaction but if you do the unexpected they won’t know how to react.

If you’re in the process of wanting to break up with someone, watch this movie first (it might help) and just try to do it as respectful as possible……Good Luck!

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Love, Peace and Freakiness!

R.L. Wynder




Hi guys and welcome back to my second installment of the Art Imitates Life Series.  Today’s inspiration comes from the movie Something New, starring Sanaa Lathan and Simon Baker.  If you’ve been with me since the beginning of this blog I’m sure you’ll recall my first blog Something New, if not you can check it out here.  I decided to do a part II to tackle the actual issue of interracial dating first hand.  The first blog was about my something new, dating an older man so I decided to watch the movie again to put it in perspective for everyone.

I’m sure most of you have seen it and right off the bat it reminded me of the 1967 film Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner starring Sidney Poitier but in reverse.  Sanaa’s character Kenya was the one from a wealthy family while her love interest Brian was a hard working landscaper who happened to be white.  Kenya’s friend decides to hook her up on a blind date which was immediately ended as soon as she discovered he was white.  Kenya leaves Starbucks leaving Brian long behind her, or that’s what she thought until she hires a landscaper who turns out to be him.  Through out the many weeks Brian spent at her house working on her back yard, she finally falls for him until he starts asking questions about her weave (LOL, that was the funniest scene ever).  She overreacts and kicks him out, begins dating a black man (that fine Blair Underwood) until she realizes she’s not happy with the successful, handsome and probably hung black man.  Because that’s not who her heart wanted, her heart wanted Brian, the white man she was too embarrassed to be with, the one her mom didn’t accept.  We all know what happens, she ends up following her heart to be Brian.

That was a really short version of the movie but through out it Kenya dealt with her own issues as well as society’s issues and a lot of times when people are faced with those dilemmas society usually wins and that’s not fair to yourself.  Now I’ve never personally dated outside of my race but I don’t have anything against it.  Maybe society has secretly hypnotized me to believe that I’m supposed to be with a black man, I don’t know.  I do find other races attractive but I’ve never ventured outside of my race and I believe that more men venture outside of their race than women.  Why?  Because for men to be with someone outside of their race it becomes exotic, it’s a fantasy, it’s something out of the norm to them that they want to conquer.  Men also have a lot to look at, they can see the size of her breast, her ass, her face, her hair, sometimes even the size of her vajussy that makes them want to be with a woman.  When women look at men we see his face, arms, sometimes chest.  We can’t see the real money maker which is in his pants, we can’t see his penis to be like yeah he can get it.  We have to wait to come say hi, meet and greet before we find out what’s in the pants to make us instantly say yes he can get it, but you men can stand from across the room and say yes I’ll fuck her.  Let’s be real, a man is only interested in a woman that he wants to fuck.  The only time a woman can look at a man from across the room and say I’ll fuck him is if he’s fine as hell.  So it’s easier for a man to date outside their race, they don’t see race they see ass.

Interracial dating has been a serious issue for as long as many of you can remember and that’s because racism is still very much alive.  I’ll tell you this because I’m always honest with you all, the only time I’ve ever felt some type of way about interracial dating is when it’s a man that I could possibly be interested in.  If you’re ugly and not my type I don’t give a crap who you’re with, but I don’t hate and I say to each it’s own.  She just got to him before I did, good for you! LOL.  This is what does anger me, when I come across black men who say and believe “I don’t date black women because they don’t know how to treat a man like a white woman does.”  That seriously angers me because you’re putting all of us in a box, we all aren’t the same.  It’s the type of women you’ve attracted that don’t know how to treat a man, get a different type of black woman and I guarantee you that black woman will treat you good.

Whoever you decide to be with no matter race, sex, or age you have to do what makes YOU happy because you know what, when you go home and lay down in your bed there’s only one person laying beside you not the entire world.  You must learn how to be comfortable with your decision and not allow others to dictate how you feel or what you should do.  Your happiness should be the only thing that’s important to you.  For a couple of months I was embarrassed to be with a 46 year old man, but that man is fine, he treats me good and he makes me happy so what the hell was I embarrassed for?

If you’re not comfortable with it, believe me the relationship will not work.  I know plenty of interracial couples who’s relationships ended just because of the looks people gave them, the whispers they’ve heard, the junk their friends were talking.  Like I told you before don’t let other people in your relationship, it’s just you and partner.  Maybe you don’t need to be in an interracial relationship if you can’t handle the pressures that come along with it, because people are going to talk (it may not be right but it’s going to happen).  Love should be enough, the love you have for someone should be way stronger than some outside talk.  If you let something as small as that dictate your relationship than you should stick with your own race.

For those of you who throw out the outlandish comments and are advocates for hate.  Go get a life, find something constructive to do and leave them alone.  If its something you seriously, seriously hate to see, do me a favor……just think about the love of your life (no matter what color) and imagine if the world didn’t want you to be together and said every hurtful thing possible to break you up and you fell into it.  Wouldn’t you be sad, upset and hurt?  Why would you want anyone else to feel your pain?  It always helps when you place your feet in the other person’s shoes, if the world thought that way we would have peace but unfortunately it doesn’t.

Good luck to all my interracial couples out there!  Keep your head up!

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Love, Peace and Freakiness!

R.L. Wynder



Hi guys!!! Today will be my first installment of what I like to call Art Imitates Life, with a Risque twist.  Let me explain exactly what I’m talking about.  Most of you know that my main income comes from the world of television and film and I love to write and produce so much that when ever I get the opportunity to combine the two, I do.

I always think a person can learn so much from films when it comes to any aspect in life, especially with relationships.  Last night I watched The Best Man, which is a movie from the male’s prospective on relationships and how the four best friends from college view women (I think we’ve all seen the movie, if not I suggest you watch it).  I believe its really important for women to understand men and vice versa because it’s true what they say “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.”  Besides talking to my good males friends watching movies is another method I use to understand my opposite necessity.

There was one really important scene in the movie that gave me 5 blog ideas.  Do you remember the scene when the guys were in the hotel room playing cards and chatting about women?  If not after reading this put that DVD in watch that one scene.   I couldn’t just choose one of the topics so I have to hit all of them.


Taye Digg’s character Harper Stewart, the successful writer who causes most of the drama throughout the movie, is labeled a serial monogamist, meaning he always has a girlfriend and remains faithful to her BUT has been afraid to take it to the next level, marriage.  One of his boys was quick to point out the reasoning behind Harper’s serial monogamist activities, he assumed it’s because no other woman has measured up to Jordan Armstrong (Nia Long’s character), who by the way was never his girlfriend.  I know that most of us have been guilty of this at some time in our lives (even me).

How do I feel about this whole concept?  Waiting on the right one because you’re still hooked on someone else.  I look at that as an excuse to keep doing what you’re doing.  In my case, what I was doing was remaining single because somewhere in the back of my mind I felt like something could possibly still pop off between the two of us and I wanted to be available just in case something did.  The other side of it is that when I leave one person you better believe it’s going to be an upgrade in every aspect, why leave one person just to go to someone on a lower level?  That doesn’t make sense to me.

The down side to holding on to someone who isn’t holding on to you is that your blinders are on and you can’t see the person that’s been standing directly beside you the entire time, having your back and supporting you through all of your bullshit.  It took something drastic to happen (Harper getting his ass whopped) before he realized he needed Robin (Sanaa Lathan’s character).  I guess Lance (Morris Chestnut’s character) beat the blinders off his ass and he was finally able to see Robin the person who was beside him the entire time .

I’ve been on both sides of this and let me tell you it doesn’t feel good to be the one standing by someone who isn’t even looking at you.   But let me tell you I now have 3 ex’s wishing they could have another chance with me because they just now took their blinders off, sorry I’m taken.

Guys do me a favor and if you’re the one holding on to someone who doesn’t want you, pull your blinders off and take a look at the person standing next to you, they just might be the one.  Don’t wait until something horrible happens to you before you realize that’s who you want.  If you’re the one supporting a person who’s still holding on, leave them because you know what?  They’ll be back!  Believe me!


Now this one is a bit tricky but it made perfectly good sense when Murch said it in the movie.  Lance made the comment that his fiancé’s place was right at home cooking and cleaning.  He then took it a step further and said a woman like Jordan (successful & making bank) doesn’t need a man and she’s one step from being a lesbian…..really?

I take offense to that because in a way I am Jordan.  She was a producer for BET, had a mind of her own, and did whatever it took to make it to the top, with hard work and not by spreading her legs.  Before getting with Tony I was in a similar position as Jordan.  What was I supposed to do play damsel in distress until some man came along and decided to take care of me?  Hell no!  My mother taught me how to take care of myself with or without a man.  Just because Jordan and I are strong independent women doesn’t mean we don’t have a softer side to us that we preserve just for our man.  We cook, we clean, we love and we fuck just like any gold digger; but the only difference is that we’re also bringing a little dough to the table, maybe just as much as you.  Which is another issue because a lot of men have a problem with their women bringing more money home, but the good thing about Tony is that he loves money just as much as he loves me and I’m sure even more.

After Lance made that outlandish, barbaric comment Murch says something very smart.  He says: “Why is it that men who want women to stay at home are always talking about gold diggers but can’t take a woman who works and possibly make more money than them.”

Men if you think about it most of you want a gold digger but don’t even know it.  When you’re at the club making it rain on them hoes, when you pull up in your too expensive car and unaffordable rims, when you buy an entire Gucci outfit just for one night you’re doing all of that just for women, not for yourself.  If you were doing it for yourself, you would catch a ride to the club, drink before you come and wear a wife beater, jeans and your air force ones.  I say that to say, all of that supposedly shows how much money you have and that’s the first thing you want a woman to see, so obviously that’s the first thing she sees and becomes attractive to.

Here’s a hint men, if you want a real woman, start off by saying, hello miss, how are you?  Start having a conversation with her before you pull out your wad of money and if she gives you some attention THEN you offer to buy her a drink.  That’s when you know she’s talking to you because she’s interested in you and not because she wants a drink.  Let me be the first to admit, if you present a drink to me 1st then that’s all I want from you because I don’t deal with men I meet in a club they’re only good for one thing and that’s buying me a drink.  That’s the only time I play the gold digging role, I guess you can call it drink digging because I don’t pay for drinks when I go out.

Let me also say to you men who present their money before anything else, most of you are insecure and believe that’s the only way you can get a woman.  Grow some fucking balls, if not, you’re going to keep running into those gold diggers and mess around and marry one of them and as soon as you loose your money they’ll be out.  I stated what I said above about you men because that came straight from my honey’s mouth, besides the fact he presented his money to me.  I took advantage and brought the most expensive meal on the menu because I never planned on seeing him again.  Until I got to know him, now I wouldn’t leave that man if he was broke or in jail because I love him past his money.


Through out this movie Lance, the groom was known to be a little of a ladies man.  He’s been caught numerous of times cheating on Mia, his girlfriend during their college days.  Each time he got caught, he begged his way right back in and Mia forgave him.  About 85% of all women who catch their man cheating, forgives them.  As soon as Lance found out that Mia cheated on him years ago he was ready to throw it all away.  Forgetting about the many times he’s broken her heart, cheating on her with nameless hoes.

Men I have two questions for you.  Why is monogamy so hard for you?  AND.  Why is it so hard for you to forgive?  Everything is so fucking hard for you men.  Why?  You don’t have babies, you don’t bleed from your penis every month, you don’t go through hormonal changes as much as us women.  So, what the fuck is the proble?  Why is everything so freaking hard for you guys?  Believe me, I will be asking Tony these same questions but I already know his answers.

When it comes to being in a monogamist relationship and forgiving, I ask you men to place yourselves in our shoes.  How would you feel if we did to you what you do to us.  I’m not bitter because I haven’t really caught any of my men cheating on me (what I don’t know won’t hurt me).  I’m just a really firm believer in treating people the way you want to be treated.

Why are you strong enough and bad enough to fuck around on your woman but not MAN enough to forgive her for the same shit she forgave you for.  Now I know men aren’t the only cheaters we women cheat too but you rarely have to forgive us because we rarely get caught.  It’s unfair to ask her to do something for you that you won’t do for her, relationships aren’t supposed to be one sided and neither is forgiveness.

Tony and I have spoken about cheating on one another, we’re both realists and neither one of us condone each other to cheat on one another but we also know if we really want to do it, we can and we will.  He told me he’ll be extremely hurt and will possibly cry if I gave another man head…..LOL I laughed so hard.  He feels like that’s more intimate.  I’m sorry but anything sexual between a man and a woman is intimate to me so I prefer you to do nothing!

Enough ranting about you men and your barbaric ways of thinking.  I just ask for both men and women to be considerate of each other’s thought process and why we do certain things.  We women definitely think differently from men and vice versa.  You’ll have a better understanding of your partner and why he or she does certain things.  For instances, if I leave Tony today he’ll probably be sad but he’s not going to run after me because he doesn’t get too attached to people because he’s lost 3 siblings.  That has nothing personally do with me.  He believes all women are a certain way because of how certain women in his life are.  It’ll take a while for him to change the way he thinks but I need to be patient and understanding as he needs to be the same with me.  Just try it, I’ll promise you it’ll help your relationship.

So what have we learned from The Best Man?  1. Don’t stay too caught up on an ex.  That person is in the past and if preventing you from seeing the person right beside you.  2. Men figure out what type of woman you really want, a woman or a gold digger and start presenting yourself properly for one you want.  Women don’t alter your style just because the majority of men want a certain woman.  Meaning don’t become the woman who spreads her legs just to get what you want just because you see others benefiting from doing that.  Stay true to yourself.  3. Treat others the way you want to be treated.  Don’t go cheating on your partner if you don’t want them doing the same to you.  Be understanding of your partner’s feelings and try and figure out the root of their actions.  Remember to forgive as much as you want to forgive.

Don’t forget to subscribe to Risque The Novel Blog and as always please leave a comment.

Love, Peace, and Freakiness

R.L. Wynder

What Makes a Man a Bad F*&%……From The Female’s Prospective!

Ok Ladies, my last post was catered to the men and how they really feel about us in bed.  They went in on us ladies and I thank each and every last one of my contributors because we can’t get better at anything if we don’t know what we need to improve on.  So, the guys had their chance to vent now it’s our turn.  I must say that I’m very disappointed in the number of women that responded but I’m grateful for the few comments I did receive because they’re really good!  My good lady friends have spoken and let’s hear what they have to say in their opinion on what makes a man a bad sex partner!

I think you all know that I hold nothing back on my site and I give it to you straight and to the point and this one is no different.  Let’s GO!!!!

Patricia Lee, Eastern Shore, VA

“When they change positions every 2 mins. and when they stop every 6 strokes to stop from cumin fast.”

She makes a wonderful point guys!  First off guys let me say that I understand why you change positions as often as you do, if you do.  It’s because the vajussy that you’re in is so good that you can’t handle it, or you’re just very weak, wack and haven’t gotten any in a minute (take your pick).  Let me explain what switching positions and stopping every 6 strokes does for us women…..NOT A DAMN THING!!! You’re not giving us enough time to enjoy the position, to feel the position to allow your dick to massage our G-Spot enough to even give us an orgasm.  Which is why it’s much harder for us to cum.  Think about it, no matter what the position is, guys you are still getting stroked up and down giving you the same feeling the entire time.  For women the change of position or stopping could prevent us from having an orgasm because our sexual buttons are no longer being stimulated and then we have to start all over and build back up to our orgasm.  It’s just a turn off guys.

Here’s how you can save yourself.  Jerking off before you have sex can help prevent you from prematurely ejaculating during intercourse.  You can also use masturbation as a means of practice.  How?  You can practice not coming, when you’re on the verge of coming try to fight the feeling and use those same practices while you’re having sex.

There are also creams and gels to help you stay in the vajussy longer.  The creams will help desensitize your penis, allowing you to live in the sauce longer than usual.  You can find these creams over the counter in sex shops, Ricki’s and in your local drug stores.  Ginseng, is another method of giving you more stamina and energy (they come in drops as well as pills).

You can also practice something called the “Squeeze Method.”  When you feel like you’re about to come, squeeze the tip of your penis firmly for 10 to 20 seconds.  This will prolong ejaculation.  And as always if you prolong the four-play session and please the hell out of your woman, we may over look the fact that you can’t hang.  Remember, you can’t lack in both areas!

Christina Simon, Eastern Shore of VA

“I’m going to say a small packaged man. Sorry size does matter in my book. If I cant feel ya I can’t be with you lmao. If its the right size I can make it good cuz I will lead, but if it’s too small my stomach and head will hurt, I’m out lol.”

Guys you’ve heard this soooo many times.  Just in case you don’t know, let me remind you that we don’t give a flying crap about the motion of the ocean, if your boat isn’t large enough then we’re not going to sail that ship.  Size really does matter to us women.  Why?  A small penis effects our mental and our physical state.  For example, if we’re involved in a hot and heavy session of four play and our undies are soaked with our juices and we’re ready to go and then we place our hand on your small ass penis, our vajussy will dry up in a second.  Women who are extremely nice may continue and decide to have sex with you out of sympathy but strong minded, vocal women will let you know it ain’t happening.

Unfortunately men there is really no cure for the small dick disease.  I have yet to hear of one cream, oil or pump that actually enlarges a man’s penis but if you don’t believe me feel free to try.  You can find all types of products online and I refuse to look up any for you because they don’t work.  BUT here is a piece of advice you better learn how to eat the vajussy like you’ve never eaten it before, you better become the king of eating Vajussy, you better eat it so well that the woman forgets all about the fact that you have the smallest penis she’s ever seen.

Joi De Vivre, New York, NY

“If he sweats profusely and humps like a jack rabbit, all the while keeping his eyes closed lol.”

Joi actually gives me two problems in this one statement so I’ll start off with the sweating.  Some men can’t help the sweat, but I understand that too much sweat starts to feel a little disgusting.  When my guy sweats, he sweats just enough and leaves a light coat of it on my body and I think that’s sexy.  But if it’s dripping everywhere that may become a little unbearable.  There’s not much you can do but I suggest you keep a towel by the bed so that you can wipe the sweat off in between pumps.  Try having sex in the shower, if you sweat she’ll never know because you both are already wet….. 🙂  Ladies if you have this issue and are afraid to say it to your man, try suggesting the shower that way you’re not criticizing him and he’ll think you just want to be freaky.

2nd issue, the infamous Jack Rabbit pump.  For those of you that don’t know what that means, it means pumping extremely fast. Men I’ll tell you this right now, pumping really fast is selfish, immature and shows the lack of your sexual skills.  Let’s start off with selfish, we all know the quicker you pump, the quicker you come which then leaves us upset, frustrated and most of all orgasmless!  Immature can also fall under selfish because only an immature person will be for self during sex.  The more mentally mature you are the more you understand that your job is to please your partner.  LACK OF SEXUAL SKILLS: If you knew anything at all about sex you wouldn’t perform this horrible move.  It also let’s me know that you know no other moves but this one.  It does nothing for us women and it fucks our heads up.

Ladies, I blame this on you too because you should learn how to be more vocal about what you want in bed, stop him, grab him by the waist and guide his ass the way you want him to.  If you’re too afraid to do that tell him to stop because you a fool if you lay there and allow him to jack hammer your Vajussy.

MEN please know that we HATE this type of stroke and if you’re doing because you’ve seen it done in porn, do me a favor and take a look at the woman’s face I can promise you she’s not enjoying it.   And guess what?  We talk about it too, we’ll go back and tell our homegirls what a horrible fuck you were, I have a homegirl right now who talks about how much she hates it when a man fast pumps.  So please just take my advice and I’ll promise you, your lady will love you a little bit more.

I would like to thank Patrica Lee, Chrissy Simon & Joi De Vivre (I don’t think that’s her real last name….LOL) for contributing to my post.  I write for you all and I love to write what you want me to write and I especially love it it when you contribute to the post. Please leave a comment and subscribe to my blog.

Until Next Post……Love, Peace and Freakiness!!!


I honestly believe that as humans we are naturally built to want things we’re not supposed to have or can’t have.  We like to go against the norm, break rules and do things we’re told not to do.  This is something that has always been embedded in us, looking back at the Adam and Eve’s situation.  Eve began to wonder why they were forbidden to eat the apples and with a little help from the lil ol’ serpent she convinced Adam to go against God’s will, to do something he knew he wasn’t supposed to do.  If the apple was never off limits I’m sure that Eve nor the serpent would have been that interested in a simple apple.  We love to push limits, that is until we get caught and have to suffer the consequences

Which brings me to today’s topic.  Sleeping with a married person and I’m talking about both men and women.  I don’t read a lot about men who sleep with married women, because I think society loves to blame those types of situations on the women and let the men slide.  Even when its a woman sleeping with a married man.  They blame it all on the woman as if the husband had nothing to do with the affair.  Before I go off early in this post I’m going to discuss why people do it, the beginning, middle, and the end.  NOTE: I AM NOT JUDGING ANYONE, just merely discussing the topic.

Why People Do It

Everyone who engages in sexual activities with a married person are all not the same and they all do it for different reasons.  When it comes to men who are involved with married women they normally don’t care and somewhere down the road they begin mentally competing with the husband (men are some competitive creatures), which keeps them involved longer.  When you look for a real reason of why people do it, there’s no real answer most people say it’s something that just happen and there are those who say because I wanted it to happen.


THE SINGLE MAN: When it comes to the single man they normally become involved with a married woman because of the simple fact that he’s single.  Let me explain.  he’s obvious single for a reason, most likely it’s by choice.  So when becoming involved with a married woman it’s easy to just have sex and not worry about catering to her, caller her or showing her attention because she’s married and that’s what her husband is for.  It’s the perfect relationship for a single man, sex with no strings attached.  That’s not including the gay men who mess with married men (but that’s another topic).

THE SINGLE WOMAN:  This is definitely more complicated than the single man so I’ve split the single woman into two categories.

TYPE I: THE HEARTLESS SINGLE WOMAN, This is the woman who don’t give a damn.  She doesn’t care who’s involved or who’s feelings will get hurt.  She’s just looking out for one person and that’s herself.  Whether she’s in it just for the sex or the added benefits such as money and gifts.  She may even go as far as blackmailing  the man for her gifts in exchange for her sex and silence.

TYPE II: THE REGULAR SINGLE WOMAN.  This woman just happened to get caught up.  She didn’t plan nor seek out this relationship.  She followed her heart or hormones (we sometimes get the two confused) and one thing lead to another.  A perfect example is Lorrell from Dream Girls, she got caught in the situation and ended up being with Jimmy Early for years.  She knew what she was doing was wrong but she couldn’t get out of the situation until she finally got fed up.

THE MARRIED WOMAN AND THE MARRIED MAN:  When a married person decides to cheat on their spouse one of the smartest things they can do is cheat with another married person?  Why?  Because they both have something to loose (their spouse) and they’ll both do whatever it takes to keep their secret.  In most situations they don’t have to worry about the other person getting jealous or threatening to tell, only in extreme and rare cases will someone get upset.


I know what you’re thinking.  What relationship?  No matter how you look at it, its considered a relationship.  Maybe not a good or ethical one but a relationship none the less.  As mentioned earlier people choose to get into a relationship with a married person for their own reasons.  Some like the challenge of the chase, the excitement of possibly getting caught and others really don’t give a fuck.

Whatever the reason may be the relationship usually turns out the same way for everyone.  In the beginning both parties clearly understand the rules of the relationship, which the married one usually sets.  No contacting, no dating in public, no coming by the house UNLESS “I say so.”  Both parties agree and the “Other One” seems to have no problem with it and understands and accepts all of the rules.

AND THEN…….you guessed it.  Someone begins to catch feelings and things begin to change for the worst.  Promises start being made about leaving their spouse just to keep “the other” person’s mouth shut and happy for the moment.  We all know what happens, the married one never leaves their spouse and the other one becomes distraught and left alone with a broken heart (in rare cases they will leave their spouse).

We’re human and no matter how hard you try to not catch some type of feelings for the other individual, you will.  When matters of the heart become involved situations change drastically.

Is it ever ok to do this?  I believe so.  In God’s eyes? No.  One of the reasons why I wrote this blog is because everyone has been giving Alicia Keys all this shade for her relationship with Swizz Beats.  I don’t know the situation and neither do most of you.  For all we know Alicia didn’t get with him until he separated. My only problem with people talking bad about Alicia is the fact that no one is talking bad about him.  He made the commitment to his wife not Alicia if you’re going to blame anyone blame both of them not the one who had nothing to do with the relationship in the first place.

Will this ever end?  No this has been going on for years.  I just think we should want more for ourselves then to be the other woman or man.  Don’t you think you deserve more than being somebody’s side piece?  If you’re ok with being the side piece and seeing your person when ever he/she allows you to, then this is the lifestyle for you.  Before you make your decision put yourself in the spouse’s shoes.  How would you feel if your spouse cheated on you?  Then base your decision off of that.  Just be comfortable with the one you make, because you may just be sleeping with the enemy.


As I sit in the office waiting on my burger, onion rings and black & white shake a great idea popped into my head.  Not really popped I’ve actually been wanting to write about this for sometime.  In my opinion the number 2 reason why relationships end is because of social networks like (Facebook, Twitter, Myspace  & for all you wack ass people….Black Planet).

Let’s be honest…….How many arguments have you ever gotten into with your boo over something that either you or someone else said on your page.  It could be something as small as “Hi! Haven’t heard from you in a while.”  LOL next thing you know…..”Who is this bitch?”  I’m laughing because it reminds me of Martin’s, You So Crazy; when the coat check lady asked for the jackets.  Anyway, the majority of you have gotten into arguments.  Luckily my man is too much of a private person for any of those sites so I don’t really have to worry about him.  I will tell you that I sometimes even hate to see my ex-boos with other girls or making sexy comments toward other women (just being honest).

So how harmful can a social network be to a relationship?  I’m glad you asked.  First off I think its a horrible idea to be friends with someone you’re seeing, unless the relationship is new.  I say that because I believe we should know who we’re dealing with and I’m a spier I will find out everything I can about someone when I first start seeing them.  You find out exactly who a person is through social networks, through them, their pictures and most importantly their friends.

If you already know the person and their friends I suggest you not be his friend.  Why?  Because you’re going to be looking at every girl’s page at every girl’s comment wondering who they are and why they’re commenting on your man’s page.  Right now at this moment I’m speaking to the ladies because this is what we do, I know I’m a woman.  Like I mentioned before I don’t have to worry about this situation but I’ve definitely done some “Research” for my friends and with my friends.  We’ve even figured out passwords…LOL

I know you men are thinking that’s messed up, she should trust me.  Men, women are curious beings by nature and if it’s nothing there to find you should be alright.  Listen, I personally don’t think a social site is worth your relationship and if it fails because of it your relationship wasn’t strong in the first place.  I know plenty of people who’ve had relationships end because of Facebook.  Sometimes it’s unfortunate because you get those conniving women who have nothing else better to do but break up your relationship.

It irritates the crap out of me to see two women go back and forth on FB about a man that obviously the both of you have been with.  The whole while their friends are cheering and motivating them to act more ignorant.  We never see two men do that.  The two women should come together and bust him.  Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.  Now you not only lost your man but you put your business on front street and you look ignorant as hell doing so (I’ll blog about this at another time).

So my suggestion to you is to not be friends with your boo if you are the type of person to feed in to negativity.  Haters are every where and a lot of them reside on FB.  If you’re the type of person who likes to throughly investigate and ask question and can let silly stuff roll off your back then go head and be friends.  One of my good friends is now engaged and refuses to be FB friends with her fiance just because she just doesn’t want to entertain the negativity if it presented it self.  Of course I took her advice because she’s where I will someday like to be, married (well about to be).

The purpose of a social network is to be sociable, to have the chance to communicate with people you don’t see on the regular.  Hopefully you see your significant other on the regular and if you do answer this.  What’s the point of being his friend on a social network?  He’s already your friend in real life and you know more about his whereabouts then his friends on FB or whatever site.  You have his number and address for God’s sake you don’t need to be in every single part of his life.

To each it’s own but please think about it before you become friends with your lover.  And yall know me if you have any good Social Site/Relationship stories please share at  Also don’t forget to subscribe to this blog for all of your Risque updates! Just click on “Sign Me Up”


This post goes out to all my crazy folk, those of you who get a lil touch of crazy at times.  By now you guys know that I’m willing to share a little bit about my life (I can’t give it all to you guys, I gotta keep some things to myself).  With that being said, this post is no different.

Have you ever been done wrong by your loved one? Or anyone period?  That person made you so mad that you were willing to do anything to get back at the person.  That person hurt you so bad that you didn’t care about the lengths you had to go through to get your revenge.

I’ve never really been the crazy girlfriend type but I’ve always been the person where I never let anyone get away with thinking they’re getting over on me.  I’m also not a fighter (I’m too fly to fight….LOL).  I’ll just use my mouth as a weapon and cut your ass so deep you wouldn’t even know you were cut until I leave.

But I’ve been a witness my girlfriends cut up and act a fool over their men (sometimes I would be right there).  I used to think if you gotta go through all that in order to be with him you might as well just leave him alone (spoken from a woman who wasn’t in a relationship).  I just like to be drama free, drama doesn’t look good on me.   I soon learned that the world doesn’t just allow someone to be drama free sometimes shit just happens.

This had to be one of the biggest arguments Tony and I have ever been in.  It really wasn’t an argument because one thing about Tony is when he knows he’s wrong, he’ll admit it and surprisingly he’ll sit and listen as long as we’re having a conversation and I’m not yelling at him (which I never do).  I’m not going to get into the details of it but know that I was extremely pissed.

I became an entirely different person and it was scary to me because I’ve never seen that side of me.  I was so angry I got up at 5:30 the next morning to meet him outside (because like I told you before I know his schedule like the back of my hand).  Anyway I got to his house (which is 5 mins from mine, driving) and the trash truck was coming. I got out of my car because I knew at any minute he’ll be running out behind the truck with his trash like he do every Monday morning.  Sure enough two seconds later he was running out of his house.

I ran up on him in front of the trash man and was just going in on him.  Then he made me even madder because after I went in on him he goes “yeah you’re right, I was wrong.” I was expecting him to get angry and some more but he didn’t.  Before that all happened I wanted to go Jazmine Sullivan on him and bust the windows out of his truck and slice all of his tires.  I decided on the car because its very difficult to hurt Tony but I knew if I messed his car up I would be doing a lot to him because he uses his car for work. There are only two reasons why I didn’t do it.  1.  I forgot I was afraid of the law. & 2. I knew I was acting out of character.

I took a look at myself and I was like.  I should never give anyone that much power over my emotions.  Where I’m willing to go outside of my morals and do something that messed up.  I’m not a get back person because I believe in karma and I want no type of relationship with her.

I’m sure there are some of you who’ve participated in the “Get Back Marathon,” and I’m sure that in most cases it ends up bad.  I’ve heard it all and I’m sure you guys have some interesting stories to tell (U know I want to hear them). Men you play it too! Oh let me also mention that one of the worst “Get Backs” ever is going out and cheating on him/her.  What are you doing?  Giving another person your body……ok and? The one person it hurts the most is yourself.  That just doesn’t make sense to me.  If you’re going to cheat, cheat because you want to not because of the other person (that advice is to women ONLY…LOL but it’s bad advice, just don’t cheat).

Obviously I believe that revenge in a relationship is horrible.  It only make matters worse, someone will definitely get arrested or have a restraining order.  Most of you reading my blog are adults, we are too old to be doing this type of stuff.  Including going on facebook and clocking every single girl he’s befriended (oooh new idea).  Thankfully my man is too old and doesn’t have the patients or the want to be on FB.

Think twice before “Keeping It Real,” because it can definitely go wrong.  But I will say if you are that person without being ticked off, just a natural vindictive angry person then some jail time may do you well and God bless who ever you’re with.  If you guys are the same I pray I don’t see you guys on one of my favorite shows SNAPPED

Moral of this blog is that revenge is never worth it, take the high road.  I had a very hard time saying that last sentence because the angry side of me is saying “sometimes it is worth it.”  It’s hard keeping my Gemini side tamed.  Let me say the right thing to do is to take the high road.  I know it’s hard to do.  Ask yourself if it’ll make you feel better.  Most likely it will…LOL Ask yourself if you’re still going to be with him the next day.  If so let it be, it ain’t worth it.