Archive for January, 2017

TOP 5 THINGS MEN SHOULD STOP DOING


A couple of days ago I presented to you The Top 5 Things Women Should Stop Doing and I hope you all enjoyed it. In that same post I also promised you a men’s version of that article and here it is. 

Stop Leading Women On
Listen, I can’t say this enough…. STOP leading women on just so you can get what you want because contrary to what you think, if a woman wants to be with you she will.  The lies you tell in the beginning will only make things worse at the end (and there will be an end).  Are you really that afraid to be honest about what you want and who you are?  I had one guy tell me that he did it because he didn’t want anyone else to have her, but mean while he was out doing his thing while she believed they were in a relationship. I know plenty of women who would be ok with having a friend with benefits situation but you gotta be honest and upfront with her. You can get much further with a woman if you stop playing with her emotions for your benefit. Playing with a woman’s emotions is the perfect recipe to turn a woman crazy and now you’re caught up in a real life fatal attraction like Martin. 

Stop Being Flaky

Most women prefer consistency and that’s something we normally get in the beginning of our relationships. In the beginning of the relationship men are willing to do anything to get our attention, they’re soooo into us, they call us every morning just to say have a nice day, call before we go to bed, occasionally take us on dates, tell us how beautiful we are and once we latch on to their hook and become just as into them, things change. The phone calls slow down, it takes him longer to respond to text messages, he begins to come up with excuses as to why he can’t see you (the reason is mostly work but you were also working when you first met). Now all of a sudden we’re sitting here like, what the heck happened to the guy I first met? I understand that things change a little once you’re settled in a relationship but simple things like communication should remain consistent. We fell for you because of your consistency in the beginning not your flaky ways you began to showcase in the middle of our relationship. 

One thing I’ve learned as an adult is if someone wants to be with you, they would. If someone wants to call you, they would. When you don’t do the things you say you don’t have the time for any more we tend to not have time for you anymore….. but that’s probably what you wanted anyway…..and oh! If you wanna break it off with the girl, just tell her. Don’t go ghost or do things to make her mad to try and get her to leave you. That’s petty & childish, which leads us to our next topic……. 

Act Your Age, Not Your Shoe Size 

I know this is an old saying but if it ain’t broke don’t fix it, right? I also know this title doesn’t have the word “stop” in it but keep reading. A lot of different things can fall in to this section but I’ll do my best to keep it simple. There are a lot of grown men (let’s say 28 and up) out here doing very childish things but always broadcasting how much of a man they are.  Listen up, real men don’t have to broadcast the fact that they’re “grown ass men.” We see your beard, we know you’re a man. Real mean allow their actions to speak for them. Real men can walk or ride a bike to work because they understand that they have to take care of their family by any means necessary. To help you out further, here’s a list of things you should stop doing if you’re a “grown ass man.”

– Stop living beyond your means. Yes you need a car, but do you really need a 2017 Benz, only to have it repossessed a few months later. While you’re busy tricking everyone into believing you got it “made”, your lights are getting turned off at home. 

-Stop disrespecting women, a real man will walk away. 

– You kinda shouldn’t be living with your mom. The only exception to this is if you’re taking care of her & not the other way around. 

-Stop comparing your growth to others around you. Everyone isn’t meant to be as successful as the next so instead of complaining and wondering why them and not you, try figuring out how they became successful and begin working hard towards your goal. 

Stop Buying Magnums When You Should Be Buying Lifestyles

The title of this may sound funny but I’m serious…. Lol I know that it’s probably an ego thing with most of you and you would feel less of a man if you walked up to the counter with anything other than Magnums. You want everyone behind the counter and behind you in line to know that you’re “hung like a horse.”  Guess what everyone isn’t and its quite ok for you not to be because believe me, just because you pull out that gold wrapper it’s not going to magically make your partner believe that you’re larger than you are. 

Now, let me remind you why this isn’t funny. When you wear a condom that doesn’t fit you properly, it comes off so much easier and now the both of you are exposed to each other & if she’s not on birth control she could possibly become pregnant. Now you’re worried about diseases and pregnancy, all because you wanted to front in front of strangers in the pharmacy and buy the wrong-sized condoms, you my friend just wasted money. Please take my advice and buy the appropriate size, if she’s with you then she’s ok with whatever you may be holding, now it’s time for you to be ok with it. 

Stop Messing A Good Woman Up For The Next Man

Now I really contemplated hard about putting this one on this list but I ultimately decided to include because it actually came from a man, so if he said this about his own, then it must be true (he also said “and vice-versa” but he missed the women’s post). So to all of you men who are abusing and mistreating your women, just do us all a favor and let her go before you do anymore damage. When you constantly mistreat your woman and she stays, she gets used to it and eventually she’ll begin to think that this is how she should be treated and then she begins to feel worthless because by this time her self-esteem has hit rock bottom. 

When she finally gets the strength to leave you, she’s damaged goods & she’s built an unbreakable wall around her. Now she’s unwilling to give the next guy a chance because of her last experience. She becomes the “angry black woman” that a lot of men love to talk about and the number one reason why some black men only date outside of their race. But if you actually took the time out to ask her why she’s so angry, your feelings about her may change. Men be gentle with us, I know we’re super strong (that’s only because we have to be) but we’re just as fragile on the inside. 

I contemplated putting this on the list because I believed that women play a role in this too for staying. Then I realized that leaving and getting over something like this is not as easy as it seems. Especially because as women, we’re fixers, we want to make everything ok and by the time we realize that a person can’t be fixed or changed, it’s too late for us and then we become the victim. Just let her go. 

Honestly it wasn’t as easy for me to come up with 5 great ones. I came up with a lot but I really wanted this one to resonate because men keep doing the same ol’ things with no regard to women or themselves. I’m sure this post won’t change any lives but hopefully it’ll open a few eyes, so share this with a man near you. 

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TOP 5 THINGS WOMEN SHOULD STOP DOING

 

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Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to look in the mirror and recognize stuff about ourselves, no matter how many times we’re told by others.  I want us to be great and not foolish so I’ve come up with a list of things we gotta stop doing as women (Don’t worry men, your list is coming up next).  Below you’ll find of list of things you gotta try and stop doing.

STOP BUILDING OUT YOUR FUTURE WITH SOMEONE YOU JUST MET IN YOUR MIND 

This might be the most important one on the list.  Just this past week, I was talking to someone who was recently reconnected with her ex-boyfriend.  She started talking about how he’s the one, how she could see herself marrying & having kids with and I was like whoa, whoa, whoa!   After telling her she was acting a little crazy I realized that a lot of women do this.  We do this because we always believe in the fantasy, we always believe that our prince charming is on the way and we get wrapped up in the thought of it all.  We start imagining our kids running around in a yard we’ve never seen before, we imagine sending our husbands off every morning with mind blowing sex and then two weeks later reality knocks on our door and we realize he’s not the one.

My advice to all of you fairy tale believers is just try to live in the moment and focus on the right now.  When it comes time for the TWO of you to think about the future, the TWO of you WILL be on the same page and it won’t be just you and your mind planning your entire future with someone you just met.  Men move a lot slower than us and even if they know they want to be with us forever, it’ll take them a lot longer than 24 hours to figure it out.

STOP SNOOPING

I’ve never been the one to snoop because I’m a firm believer of if you snoop you shall find….sooooo let’s get into this.  The only way that I would ever suggest snooping to someone is if some said to me “I swear fo goodness, If I find something I’m leaving him and I’m never looking back,” but how often does a woman actually leave a man when she finds evidence of him cheating?  Not often.  So what’s the point of snooping to find something so the two of you can argue about it just for you to stay. I honestly believe if you’re searching for something, you already know.  So stop snooping if it actually won’t make a difference if you stay or leave and not to mention it makes you look and feel crazy as hell when you snoop and you don’t find anything.

STOP LOOKING TOO DEEP INTO THINGS

Now this is something that I’ve just recently discovered about us.  I was pleading my case to someone and I KNEW that I was right.  I mean I presented an exhibit A, B, & C while he presented nothing but three words and then he wrapped it up with, “you were just looking too deep into it.”  At that moment, I was like nah this is bull crap I mean you can’t really beat evidence right. LOL.  Then the next morning I’m watching the morning news and the female host is reading off the number one thing that men and women do that bothers the other sex and what do you know!  Looking too deep into things was the answer for women and not looking too deep into things was the answer for men.  Most men think one dimensional, very simple.  For example, if a guy thinks we’re dealing with someone on Facebook he’ll probably just check out the other guy’s page.  Not us, we will check the girl’s page, look through all their photos for the ones he liked, then we’re going to find her best friend’s page and look for jokes they may have shared with our man, go through her pics, then send those pics to our best friend to get their opinion…..LOL  We just do too much, keep your thought process simple, try and back it up when your mind gets to the third level of thinking.

STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT THE SAME THINGS WHILE CHOOSING TO STAY IN THE SAME SITUATION

This is pretty much self explanatory, if you’re tired of your man disrespecting you, coming home late, cheating, flirting on Facebook or whatever the case may be, stop arguing with him about it over and over and over sounding like a broken record.  If he hasn’t stopped by now, you then need to decide if it’s something you can deal with or not.  If you can’t deal with it leave him and if you’re going to stay stop brining the same ol’ stuff up.  After a certain point men stop taking our threats about leaving them seriously if they continue to stay after they’ve treated us like crap.  Why should they stop?  The worst that will happen in their mind is that they may have to hear your mouth for a couple of hours.  Either leave or shut up, people rarely change.

STOP GIVING IT UP SO QUICK

Yeah, I know, I know, it’s your body you can do what you want to do with it and give it to who ever you want to give it to….blah, blah, blah.  I have to tell you, if you’re going to do that, then I need for you to be prepared for the consequences and the backlash.  What do I mean?  I mean, don’t go looking for a relationship or respect from someone you gave up to a minute after meeting them.  I understand that one night stands or a friends with benefit type of situation may sometime turn into a real relationship but don’t feel some type of way when you see the person you gave it up to last night and he acts as if he doesn’t know you because guess what?! He probably sees you as a jump-off.  If that doesn’t bother you, then hoe on!  But if you think you’ll feel some type of way, let him prove himself worthy of your lady parts, even if it’s all about sex.  Everyone shouldn’t have the privilege to get in between your legs, leave some mystery to yourself.

There are of course plenty of other things that we should probably stop doing but these are the ones that stuck out to me the most.  Also, some of these rules can be thrown out if you’re married.  You have the right to do most of these when you’re married. 🙂   What are your thoughts?  Do you agree?  Disagree?  Let me know!

 

 

 

 

Is It Ever Too Early To Know You Love Someone?

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We’ve all been in the position before where we’ve met a nice man or woman and everything about him or her seems so perfect and we wonder where the hell has this person has been all of my life? After a few weeks of bliss things are still the same, then months past and before you know it the two of you have hit 6 months.  You sit down and you wonder how you’ve made it through 20/30 something odd years without this person and then you realize that “hey, I think I love this person.” Then your mind starts playing tricks on you, maybe it’s not love, maybe I’m just in love with the sex or maybe I’m just infatuated.  The only reason you’re questioning yourself is because it’s only been 6 months.  Can you really love someone in 6 months, is 6 months too early to know that you love someone?

In my opinion there should be no time limit on love, if you know you know.  Let’s not get anything confused, there are stipulations to this.  Speaking to someone for a year through a dating app or site is not the same as knowing someone and physically seeing them for 6 months.  Believe it or not, I’ve heard of cases where people agree to be in a relationship with someone they’ve never met.  To me, that’s crazy but to each it’s own.  It’s easy to deal with someone through the phone or behind a screen.  You can pick up when you want to, write back when you want to.  The other person can’t see when you’re rolling your eyes or not, you can’t see how the other person lives, and most importantly you can’t verify anything that they’re saying with your own eyes. He could tell you that he’s the CEO of a fortune 500 company but leave everyday to sell oil on the street.  So for those of you who claim you’re in love with a person you’ve never met, I’m going to have to call bullshit on it.

Why am I calling bullshit on it?  I’m calling bullshit on it because you must give yourself time to learn one another, to know one another and that’s the big difference with an exclusive online relationship vs. a personal one.  When you’re in a relationship with someone you see on occasion or everyday for 6 months, you have the opportunity to figure each other out, to see how the other half lives and you still have enough time to decide if you can deal with the way the other person is or not.  I like to think that during the honeymoon phase (the first three months) people give you their best self, not to say what you see isn’t a part of who they  are but they’re careful in not showing you their ugly side (we all have an ugly side).  After those three months they begin to let their guard down and reveal more of themselves, if you like what you see you stay.

So, can you really love someone in 6 months, yes you can but it doesn’t mean that the two of you are meant to be together or that you won’t have rough times, it just simply means that you love him or her.  I think one problem we have as humans is that we think that we’re supposed to be with everyone we love, but that’s a different blog so I won’t get into that, today.  Remember to just take your time, don’t be stupid.  A lot of times we see signs of a person we don’t like or we ignore how horrible they make us feel all because we want to force ourselves to be in love with someone.   You can know that you love someone in a short amount of time but be honest with yourself about it, don’t stay just because you want someone.

WELCOME TO THE NEW RISQUE THE NOVEL

Dear Loyal Readers,

I want to thank you all for supporting me and staying connected to me for almost 8 years. I know I haven’t been the most consistent writer due to personal reasons and my career, which is no excuse but I promised myself that I will do better.

My goal with this blog is to bring you content related to Love, Sex & Relationships, that you want and content that you’re interested in reading.  In order to do this, I may need your help.  If there’s a subject you want me to address please email me at risquethenovel@gmail.com and I will gladly address it.  I’m asking for your input because it can be extremely difficult to come up with fresh topics at times.  I usually just hit my friends up and have them give me topics but I now want to hear from you.

I also want to incorporate my “Ask R.L” section more, so I ask that you do the same with this.  Email me, inbox me on my new Facebook page (since my last page got shut down due to someone reporting one of my most popular posts): The Risque The Novel, and ask me whatever you want and I will address it, not in blog form but in answer form.  Don’t worry about people knowing who you are, I will address you anonymously.

I’m looking forward to bringing you all fresh new content and tackling the most Risque topics that most people are afraid to utter, so Get Ready! Get Ready! Get Ready!!

Thank you again!

R.L.