Breaking Up is Hard to Do….But Sometimes it Must be done!

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

 

I’ve been thinking about this post for a while and I took my time writing this because I really wanted to think this thing through and appropriately explain at least one side of this.  Lately I’ve been speaking to a lot of people in relationships, married & unmarried.  I always tend to bring up sex or relationships because I use it as part of my research and oddly enough over the past two months a lot of the ones I’ve spoken to  are in situations or “relationships” that they don’t quite know how to get out of. 

So the question is, why be with someone that you don’t want to be with?  I understand no relationship is perfect, by far and every couple will go through their ups and downs.  The one question that I always ask anyone in this situation is, Are you happier with or without him/her?  A lot of the times I’ve heard without. Through my findings I’ve found that there are 6 main reasons why people stay in relationships that they don’t want to be in.   

1. Connivence/ Security:  If you’re sharing a home, bills and other responsibilities with a person, it definitely makes life easier for the both of you.  If you leave the person that you’re with, you now have to think about how this bill will get paid or will you have enough money for food or gas.  So instead of having to worry about your livelihood you opt to stay with that person because your life will be easier.  

2. Boredom / loneliness:  Believe it or not people actually stay with people and sacrifice their happiness because they’re afraid of being alone.  Hey, I get it, no one wants to be alone, especially a woman, so they choose to stay with someone just so they don’t have to come home to an empty house at night.

3. Appearance:  A relationship looks different to anyone on the outside looking in and if you only see the couple in public hugging, laughing and kissing of course it looks great.  It may even make you wish you had a relationship similar to theirs.  Unbeknownst  to you, that’s the only time that they’re happy, behind closed doors, they argue about money, sex and how the other could be putting more work in. Of course no one wants anyone to know the real about their relationship so sometimes it’s just easier to allow people to believe they are the best couple in the world and put up with their horrible relationships behind closed doors. (see my old post about relationship appearances http://wp.me/pTTLF-9J )

4. Afraid to start over:  Everyone knows that being in a relationship can be exhausting and we all like to think, the more we go through with a person the stronger it’ll make our relationship.  No one likes to feel like their time has been wasted, especially if you’ve put in years of work with a person. No matter how much two people may genuinely love one another the truth is  they may not be meant to be together.  A lot of times people realize this but the thought of starting over with someone new and putting in years worth with someone else is just not worth it for some and the thought is just exhausting.  

5. Sex:  The only time a couple may get a long is during sex.  If you spend most of your time in your relationship having sex, when do you actually get the time to evaluate  the state of your relationship?  In between your sexual romps you argue, you ignore each other and the next time you two actually speak is when you’re having make-up sex.  During that make-up sex the only thing you can think of is “how can I ever leave him/her, when the sex is this good.”  

6. Family: Last on my list but certainly not the least.  I understand couples who have children and they want to create the family unit for their children.  As I said in number 4, sometimes relationships just aren’t meant to be.  I totally get that you’re doing it for the kid’s sake but let’s give the children some credit.  They will know when something isn’t right between the two of you, you’ll only be fooling yourselves.  Your happiness should always come first because if you aren’t happy your kids will definitely pick up on it!

Ok, so what to do, if you really want to leave the person?  I clearly understand that leaving may not be easy but your happiness must come first.  If connivence or security is your issue, you should figure out a way you can get by without your significant other.  If you have to cut down on cable, Netflix or going out to eat every now and then just to make it on your own, then it may just be worth it.  If loneliness is your problem, then this is will be the perfect time to start dating and getting to know yourself and what will make you happy.  If appearance is your issue….then just get over that, because that just isn’t worth you being miserable.  If you’re afraid to start over, then just step out on faith or really really try and address your issues with your partner and if it doesn’t get better, you gotta go!  If great sex is the reason why you’re staying, I guarantee there are other people out there that can please you just as much, if not you can always teach them ;).  

Good Luck!  Remember your happiness comes first!

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  • Comments (1)
    • Animal Lover
    • January 23rd, 2014

    Thinking about this all day…. I get home from work and your blog pops up. #4 stands out to me and some of # 6. I know another fear is meeting someone 10x worst. Stepping out on faith is definitely something we have to practice. Of course this is easier said than done but like you said, your happiness must come first. Decisions decisions ……thanks for the read

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