Archive for January, 2014

Women Step Your Sex Game Up!!!


No Sex

After I posted my most successful blog post ever last week (Who Wants To Put a Penis in Their Mouth, First Thing in the Morning?, I got a lot of feedback from the men, especially married men and I was actually surprised by the things they shared with me.  Marriages are ending and being ruined because of one simple thing.  To me it seems like a very simple thing and silly ol’ me, I even thought it came with the territory especially in a marriage.  After posting last week’s post I found out how so untrue my thinking was.  

It wasn’t the first time I’ve actually heard this, it’s been a huge topic in movies, TV shows, and novels but I wasn’t really buying into it, I just thought it made great entertainment.  What is this thing that I’m talking about that’s ruining marriages?  I was told from more than 10 married men that they actually have a hard time getting sex from their wives let alone a little morning head.  I’m still having a hard time believing this but if I’m hearing it from more than one man then there must be some truth to it.  

So ladies I’m becoming a spokesperson for the men (for just this one blog).  If you are one of these women, you better listen up & listen up good.  Unless you have a mental or health issue that prevents you from having sex  with your husband then you have no excuse to be withholding sex from your husband just because you’re tired or because you have a headache.  I’m sure before he proposed to you, you were doing all  the little nasty things you could do to him just so you could keep him.  Now that you have him, you feel like you don’t have to do the things you did to get him because you got him.  I’m sure if you read between the lines in your vows it says that it’s your job to sexually please your husband (and I’m only speaking to the women in healthy relationships).  Here’s a question, now that you got him, what are you going to do to keep him? 

I’m not even married but I know that men are simple human beings.  Feed them, make them laugh, give them some great sex, give them some space and 9 times out of 10 you’ll end up with a happy man.  We women love to feel special and wanted by our men and believe it or not they love to feel special and wanted by us.  If you ever believed in the saying “treat others as you want to be treated,” then this will be the perfect time to throw that saying into gear. 

We like to be surprised with flowers, candy, Edible Arrangement bouquets and maybe a night off from cooking.  Men like to be surprised with a little head in the morning, some fondling in the car before you get home (just to get the four play rolling), he’ll loose his mind if you push him on the bed and ripped his clothes off for once.  Men NEED to feel like you want them in every single way.  What’s wrong with initiating sex every once in a while?  You shouldn’t be embarrassed because he’s your husband.  

Do you want to know what’s going to happen if you don’t start pleasing YOUR husband the way HE wants to be pleased?  HE will then get someone to do the things that you don’t want to do.  He’ll go out looking for someone else to fulfill his sexual fantasies.  I think the fun part about being married is that you can do all the nasty things you’ve ever wanted to do and not be looked at or thought of as a hoe, because he’s your man.  The sky’s the limit with him because in normal cases the two of you shouldn’t have to worry about “catching” a STD or worse.  

Now you may be the type of woman who can get by with just one sexual act a month, hey, whatever floats your boat.  There’s nothing wrong with that but he may not be that guy, he may need it 3 to 5 times a week.  If that’s the case then the two of you are not sexually compatible. If you used to sex him down 3 to 5 times a week and you no longer do, then you need to contact the woman he’s cheating on you with and figure out how to get some more stamina. As a wife, there’s just no excuse! 

Please women, whatever you do, don’t act like you’re doing him a favor just by opening up your legs and laying there just so “mister can do his business.”  No one wants to have sex with someone who doesn’t want to have sex with them (unless they’re a necrophiliac).  

Men, don’t think I’m letting you off easy.  Don’t expect a woman to want to please you sexually if you’re not making them happy out of the bedroom.  If this is happening in your marriage, that’s probably the number one reason why she’s not excited to have sex with you.   It’s always mental with women.  If that’s the case I suggest the two of you to go to counseling or at the very least discuss your issues with one another.  

It’s sex people, it should be fun, especially with the person you’re going to be with “til death do us part.”





Breaking Up is Hard to Do….But Sometimes it Must be done!

Breaking Up is Hard to Do


I’ve been thinking about this post for a while and I took my time writing this because I really wanted to think this thing through and appropriately explain at least one side of this.  Lately I’ve been speaking to a lot of people in relationships, married & unmarried.  I always tend to bring up sex or relationships because I use it as part of my research and oddly enough over the past two months a lot of the ones I’ve spoken to  are in situations or “relationships” that they don’t quite know how to get out of. 

So the question is, why be with someone that you don’t want to be with?  I understand no relationship is perfect, by far and every couple will go through their ups and downs.  The one question that I always ask anyone in this situation is, Are you happier with or without him/her?  A lot of the times I’ve heard without. Through my findings I’ve found that there are 6 main reasons why people stay in relationships that they don’t want to be in.   

1. Connivence/ Security:  If you’re sharing a home, bills and other responsibilities with a person, it definitely makes life easier for the both of you.  If you leave the person that you’re with, you now have to think about how this bill will get paid or will you have enough money for food or gas.  So instead of having to worry about your livelihood you opt to stay with that person because your life will be easier.  

2. Boredom / loneliness:  Believe it or not people actually stay with people and sacrifice their happiness because they’re afraid of being alone.  Hey, I get it, no one wants to be alone, especially a woman, so they choose to stay with someone just so they don’t have to come home to an empty house at night.

3. Appearance:  A relationship looks different to anyone on the outside looking in and if you only see the couple in public hugging, laughing and kissing of course it looks great.  It may even make you wish you had a relationship similar to theirs.  Unbeknownst  to you, that’s the only time that they’re happy, behind closed doors, they argue about money, sex and how the other could be putting more work in. Of course no one wants anyone to know the real about their relationship so sometimes it’s just easier to allow people to believe they are the best couple in the world and put up with their horrible relationships behind closed doors. (see my old post about relationship appearances )

4. Afraid to start over:  Everyone knows that being in a relationship can be exhausting and we all like to think, the more we go through with a person the stronger it’ll make our relationship.  No one likes to feel like their time has been wasted, especially if you’ve put in years of work with a person. No matter how much two people may genuinely love one another the truth is  they may not be meant to be together.  A lot of times people realize this but the thought of starting over with someone new and putting in years worth with someone else is just not worth it for some and the thought is just exhausting.  

5. Sex:  The only time a couple may get a long is during sex.  If you spend most of your time in your relationship having sex, when do you actually get the time to evaluate  the state of your relationship?  In between your sexual romps you argue, you ignore each other and the next time you two actually speak is when you’re having make-up sex.  During that make-up sex the only thing you can think of is “how can I ever leave him/her, when the sex is this good.”  

6. Family: Last on my list but certainly not the least.  I understand couples who have children and they want to create the family unit for their children.  As I said in number 4, sometimes relationships just aren’t meant to be.  I totally get that you’re doing it for the kid’s sake but let’s give the children some credit.  They will know when something isn’t right between the two of you, you’ll only be fooling yourselves.  Your happiness should always come first because if you aren’t happy your kids will definitely pick up on it!

Ok, so what to do, if you really want to leave the person?  I clearly understand that leaving may not be easy but your happiness must come first.  If connivence or security is your issue, you should figure out a way you can get by without your significant other.  If you have to cut down on cable, Netflix or going out to eat every now and then just to make it on your own, then it may just be worth it.  If loneliness is your problem, then this is will be the perfect time to start dating and getting to know yourself and what will make you happy.  If appearance is your issue….then just get over that, because that just isn’t worth you being miserable.  If you’re afraid to start over, then just step out on faith or really really try and address your issues with your partner and if it doesn’t get better, you gotta go!  If great sex is the reason why you’re staying, I guarantee there are other people out there that can please you just as much, if not you can always teach them ;).  

Good Luck!  Remember your happiness comes first!



Its no secret that I work in the television industry and I love watching tv, so whenever I can combine my love for TV and writing, I take advantage of it.   With that being said…’s post is brought to you by BET’s new hit series, Being Mary Jane.  If you haven’t seen the show it stars, Gabrielle Union who is a successful news anchor.  To the outside world it seems like she has it all, money, a beautiful house, car and a dream career.  Of course, she’s missing one thing, love.  

Last week the season opener ended with a bang, literally, as that fine ass Omari Hardwick boldly took over Gabby’s body in a fancy gym’s locker room shower (I’m not really sure why he was able to walk up in the women’s locker room without getting stopped but that’s neither here nor there).  Sounds great and all but the man is married.  Fast forward to this week’s episode it opened up with the already married man, proposing to Gabby (yeah, none of this I believe because in what world do a man leave his wife for the side chick? But again that’s neither here nor there).  In one scene Omari and his wife (not Gabby), were arguing about sex and his wife asks a very important question….. “Who wants to put a penis in their mouth, first thing in the morning?”

Who? I’ll tell you who should want to…..His wife! The woman who asked that ridiculous question.  First off I personally believe if you’re in a relationship with someone from boyfriend to girlfriend to man and wife and you’re currently sexually active with that person then you both have an obligation to please each other.  If you’re grown….Let’s say at least 28 and up I’m going to assume that you participate in oral sex.  If your man wants to be awaken by a little head in the morning, then gosh darn it roll over and give that man a little head in the morning.  Put him right back to sleep, and when he finally gets up and out of that house he’ll be thinking of you all day until he gets back home for part two.  You should want to please your man and surprise him every once in a while.

Am I suggesting to do it, every single morning? Helllllll NO! LOL, maybe twice a week, lol.  I’ve said this before, I believe giving a man oral sex should sometimes be earned.  Definitely don’t be waking up and rolling over and surprising him with morning head if he’s a disrespectful bastard.  If he’s good to you in and out of the bed, then he earned some morning head.  Everyone knows if you ain’t giving a man what he wants then he will go out and find it else where.  I’m not saying be submissive to him but sex should be fun.  Sex shouldn’t feel like a job and if you do the same ol’ crap over and over it becomes a job so you gotta throw some wrenches up in there, like some morning head.  

To my ladies who don’t believe in that, here’s my advice.  You better start believing in it, especially if you expect the guy to give you some morning or night head.  To my ladies who may not be as good as you’ll like to be at giving head or need some help in that department…. I actually happen to have a very popular entertaining youtube video (almost 14,000 views) that’ll give you some help.

Thank me later!

R.L. Wynder


Oh My! He has really BIG…..Feet!


I recently over heard a conversation on the subway, where two women were discussing the possibility of having sex with some man.  Here’s how the conversation went: Girl 1: “I can’t wait until I get all of that 11.5 inches…..”  Girl 2: “Wait, what?!  How do you know the exact size of that man’s penis.”  Girl 1: “I think he wears about a 11.5 in shoe size so obviously that’s the size of his penis.” Girl 2 then starts to laugh in a similar way that I was laughing in my head.

Do all men with huge feet have large penises?  Is there any truth to this sterotype or is it just a flat out lie made up by some man with large feet and a small penis?  I’m sure all men with large feet have no complaints about this saying, so I’m sure you’ll just disregard everything that I’ll say in this post.  To your defense (and everyone who believes this), back in the day and I mean…..way back in the day according to Darwinian Evolution Theory, if men had large penises and small feet, they would keep falling forward. Obviously one day they’ll hit their heads on a stone, bust their heads open to the white meat and eventually leading them to their demise.  According to the Theory it was common sense, survival of the fittest.  Well….sorry guys, my common sense is telling me that this is a bunch of bull crap!  It should be no surprise to anyone that a man’s shoe size or his hand size has nothing to do with his penis size.  

I’m sure every lady and some of you men have been in a “situation” with a man, checked out his shoe size, his hand size and thought you were about to see the king of kong but instead you were disappointed when he pulled out the smurf of all smurfs.  All of your dreams and hopes for that myth to be true was shattered.  

Don’t get me wrong there are some people with small feet carrying a huge gun and there are men who actually live up to the myth and It has everything to do with genetics.  So to all of you men out there who don’t add up to your shoe size you should blame your daddy or the men on your mom’s side, and oh…please don’t act like you have more than you do, just embrace it and become great at other things (wink ;)).  Ladies don’t just assume a man is packing based off of his shoe size… may end up disappointed.  

For your entertainment only, I’ve included a chart of what your penis size should be, according to your shoe size.  


Is It Ever Ok To Snoop?!


I’m sure by now you’ve all heard of Bravo’s new hit TV Show Blood Sweat & Heels, where 6 ambitious women deal with the ups and downs of living in New York City.  If you haven’t, then you’ve been under a rock.  If you missed Sunday’s episode the women discussed rather or not if it’s ok to ever snoop on your man.  You know, going through his phone, email, voicemail, mail mail, facebook, instagram or whatever else you can think of.  The group of six women seemed to be split on that topic but they refused to agree to disagree.  

I honestly am not a snooper…..I’m a great believer in, if you go looking for something then you are sure to find it.  I know plenty of women who are avid snoopers and I’ve actually assisted in some of their snooping.  My friends tend to think that I work for the FBI and have access to information that they can’t find all because I happen to have a PhD in “Google.”  Hey, I said I don’t snoop on my man, I never said I didn’t assist.

The big question is…..Is it ever ok?  First let me say something to you men.  If you’re going to cheat on your woman, be smart enough to cover your dang on tracks.  The only time I feel that it’s ok to snoop on your man is if he was stupid enough to leave evidence around.  What kind, you ask?  If he leaves his facebook page or email open on your computer or if he leaves two movie tickets in your house.  Sounds simple but there are plenty of stupid men who have made those very same mistakes.

Women, I hate to tell you this, if you already have an inkling that your man is cheating, then he’s cheating or he’s in the secret service (pick the one that makes you feel better).  Now women, we go searching for this evidence because something deep inside of us say “I just have to know,” but you really already know.  All searching will do is cause a deeper hurt and an angrier heart.  

So what do you do when you find this information?  I’ll tell you, you end up calling or emailing the other woman who has nothing to do with the situation in the first place (unless it’s your cousin, friend or someone else you know…lol).  Your man comes home, you get in an argument, leave him or at the very least get mad at him for a couple of days and then you’re back in love with him.  If you find the information that you’re looking for, please do something with it.  As naive and as weak as this may sound….if you’re not going to leave him after finding hard core evidence that he has cheated just don’t look for it.  What you don’t know won’t hurt you.  

In order to avoid being in a situation where you might have to snoop, it’s definitely best to have the lines of communication open and be honest with one another.  Realistically that’s not always the case.  You have to ask yourself how much are you willing to put up with, with this man and be ok with it.  If you’re fine with him cheating on you and you snooping on him, then do you. If you’re not ok with that, then you should probably find another man.  I know that it’s easier said then done but sometimes doing what’s right may be the hardest thing to do.

Until Next Time….




The Most Complicated Fake Love Story EVER!



Guess who’s Bizzzzack!  Sorry I’ve been away for so long but I’ve finally found the time and the inspiration to write again (not to mention my daughter is sleep, allowing me to write).  But anywho…I’m back! Today’s topic is a little interesting and the situation should be simple enough to deal with but it’s actually quiet complicated.  

Sooooo…..Ladies and Gents put yourself in this situation…. There’s a guy or girl that you’ve been kind of feeling for a couple of years and yes they’ve been feeling you too, but things have never lined up for the two of you to be together.  What could be so big to stop two people from being together or at least seeing what might happen between the two?  Well…..listen to this there’s about 240 miles that separate the two and here’s the BIGGIE, one of them has a significant other.  

An opportunity popped up where the two decided to just hang out because first and foremost they’re friends.  When the two people came together it felt right.  He was the perfect gentleman and she enjoyed his honesty and appreciated the fact that he shared part of his soul with her.  He laid on her, they talked about life, love, God, the best comedies…it was one of the most natural experience she’s ever had.

Of course the evening had to come to an end, but not after he gave her the sweetest, looooongest kiss.  Before she even walked out of his door, she began missing him.

Sweet, right? LOL. What should happen next? Obviously the right thing to do is to just let it be, mainly because of the distance between them.  The worst thing to ever do in this world is to wonder “What if?”  I would personally have a rough time just letting it go with no discussion, with no effort.  I’m too much of a go-getter to let something so good go.  BUT what about the significant other, you ask?  Honestly at this point…..Who?  LOL No, but seriously it’s complicated obviously and for this situation I don’t have any answers, suggestions or opinions.  

Someone will probably end up at the very least not liking the outcome of this situation but hey at least they tried and don’t have to wonder…. What it, or I shoulda did this or I shoulda did that. It can feel right for everyone in this situation, but just because it feels right, doesn’t mean that it’s meant to be or that it will even happen.  Good luck to those complicated nuts!