Archive for August, 2013

Now I Want That Old Thang Back!

does_it_work_getting_back_with_ex_18ialqo-18iam3e

Guess who’s bizaaaaack!  That’s right R.L. is back on the scene and I apologize for being away for so long BUT after being pregnant, sick every day and then raising a little girl in the rough city of NY( and not to mention working full time) I’m just now finding the time to transform from Mommy to R.L.  I’m really going to try and keep this thing up because I really have missed writing and interacting with you all.  BTW, Risque The Novel’s sales are still doing well online and I hope to have another book out by next summer.  

 
Now that I got that out of the way let’s get into today’s topic.  In the words of H-Town “Now I want that old thang back!”  Hmmmm, this subject may be a little sticky for some of us but I’m sure most of us have had at least one woman or man that they can’t get enough of.  We break up, we argue, we scream I hate you and I never want to see you again….we do all that just to be laying up with that same person again telling them how much we love them.  Why is that? I mean we must know that something isn’t right and that maybe it’s not meant for you and whomever to continue to deal with one another but something keeps reeling you back in.  Let’s discuss…. 
 
I believe the number one reason this keeps happening is because of what we call love, even if it’s a dysfunctional love, well obviously it’s a dysfunctional love if you gotta keep going back and forth with someone.  It’s extremely hard just to up and leave someone that you truly love.  I know some of us, women especially we care too much for the other person and we begin to say things like “Well he is stressed and having a hard time,” or “I invested too much in this man and to start all over again with someone else is just out of the question.” Or, how about “If I have to go through it with someone it might as well be him.”  In my opinion those are all valid points but the question I always ask myself is “Will my life be better and/or happier with or without this person,” whatever my answer is, I try to then work on a plan to make that happen.  It’s definitely not as easy as it sounds.
 
The number two, this is actually number one but I wanted to give some of you the benefit of the doubt and not portray you as a shallow person….hee hee hee.  SEX!!! Sex is the number one, I mean the number two reason why a lot of this back and forth mess keeps happening.  Some people say (not me, but some people), that the best sex is make-up sex.  After a huge argument you can have sex and forget what the hell you were arguing about in the first place.  I mean we’ve all seen Baby Boy, right?  One of the best scenes is the one where he hit her and then made up for it with what?????? SEX! And Yep, she forgot allll about her black eye…lol.  A lot of times our bodies are stronger than our minds.  “My mind’s telling me noooooo…..but my body….,” yall know the rest.  
 
The final reason……drum roll please, is because we don’t know how or like to actually deal with issues head on.  Most of the time, your issues are never spoken about unless you’re arguing about them.  When you do get back together you act like nothing ever happened and you try to continue the relationship but the same issues that caused the past break-ups keeps coming back therefore resulting in another break-up.  See the cycle?  If you actually sit down and talk about what’s happening in your relationship then you can move on and hopefully break the cycle. 
 
How do we overcome this horrible disease?  I think it really has to do with self-worth and what you’re willing to deal with.  If you don’t mind having to go back and forth, to break up to make up, then this life is for you.  No judgement here, we’re all different and we all want different things. I’m sure by now you know who you’re dealing with and if you’ve known that person for a while he or she will probably be who they are for the rest of their lives.  
 
If you believe you deserve to be treated better, then you have to put YOU first.  What’s the worst that can happen?  You’ll be alone until someone else comes along?  Fine, but now you know and understand what you will and won’t put up with and this will help prevent the back and forth thing from happening.  
 
As always, this is only my opinion I didn’t do research on this and I didn’t gather tons of references to back this up.  This is only my opinion but I know a lot of you can relate to my opinion.  If you wanna put in a request for my next topic, please do so…..I love writing but I write for you.  
 
Until next time….Peace, Love & Freakiness
 
R.L. Wynder