Archive for October, 2011


I finally got the chance to listen to J. Cole’s new album and overall I like the album.  He raps about a lot of things that people our age go through and it just feels real when you listen to it.  It was very interesting to me, to hear a man’s point of view on things such as love, women, abortion and his father.  

One of his bars really caught my attention.  In his song “Nobody’s Perfect,” feat Missy Elliot, he said and I quote “She say she only fucked bout’ four or five niggas, so you know you gotta multiply that by 3.”  LOL……now, how truthful is that? AND Who the hell told him that?  I think it’s safe to say (for normal women, not hoes) that multiplying the number by 3 is an exaggeration, adding 4 or 5 sounds more realistic to me.  If you’re a hoe then multiplying may be the best math technique to use.  

Here’s a question for you men…if you think you multiply our numbers by 4 or 5 is it safe for us to divide your numbers by 4 or 5?  Hmmmmm….I thought so.   I’m going to get real with you men for a minute.  TRUTH IS sometimes women lie about the amount of men they’ve been with for four main reason (they may not be the only reasons but these are the MAIN reasons).  These are in no particular order.  

The number 1 obvious reason why women play down the number of men they’ve been with is because they don’t want to give the impression that they’re a hoe (in lack of better words).  The good ol’ double standard rears its ugly head again.  I mean how many is too many anyway?  That answer, I don’t know.  I think every woman has a different answer with different rules depending on their standards.  For example for me reaching double digits is too many for me, which is why (before I had a steady boyfriend) I would prefer to go backwards just because I didn’t want to add another number.  I will say to determine how many is too many a person’s age and relationship with the men should be taken in consideration.  

The number 2 reason is really simple…..some people don’t deserve to be considered a number.  What do I mean?  Ladies you already know what I’m talking about so let me be REAL honest with you men.  Sometimes the sex ain’t worth a number.  For those of you men who’ve came in .5 seconds….guess what?  Your girl didn’t count you and she probably didn’t give you a second chance if she wasn’t in love with you (you probably turned her alllll the way off!).  Or how bout’ those of you men who actually entered the woman but she quickly changed her mind…..guess what?  She didn’t count you either.  Same for you men with the incredibly small penises that your girl couldn’t feel anything through the whole ordeal, yep you got it, she didn’t count you either.

The #3 reason is something that me and my man argue about all the time.  Men, don’t for one second believe that you can count a woman as one of your sexual partners if all you did was give her oral.  Now if a guy only gave me oral (believe me it happens more often to women then you guys think) I will not consider him a sexual partner.  Now my man on the other hand believe that its worthy of a number.  He believes if a woman opens up her legs it’s considered sex.  I guess he also considers fondling sex as well, let him tell it.  Again, this is my opinion and I’m sure others agree with me.  For those of you men who disagree, you’re just mad because at the end of the day you felt like a sucker.  Even if she made it very clear to you in the beginning that nothing outside of you giving her oral was going to happen. BUT you my friend felt like your oral skills would be so great that she’ll automatically want the dick. In order for men to not feel like a sucker, they chalk it up as another one under their belt.  I would definitely separate the two groups into sexual partners & people who’ve given me oral sex.  Ladies let me just say if some of you are like these men who just give the man oral sex and that’s it……you my friend are a sucker too! LOL

Lastly the reason why women may not count a man as a sexual partner is simply because she’s embarrassed.  She must have been out of her mind to have slept with you.  Men don’t act like you don’t do this either.  There are some women you’ll scream to the mountain top about and others you pray to God no one finds out about (until of course you get her pregnant).  

Honestly the amount of people a woman or a man has been with in no way shape or form defines them.  Having a lot of sexual partners doesn’t make you a hoe and having a small amount doesn’t make you an angel.  The MOST IMPORTANT thing is that everyone knows their HIV/AIDS status and routinely get checked for STDS if you’re out there sowing your oats.  There are some women who’ve only had sex with 1 person and contracted HIV and there are some women who’ve slept with hundreds of men who’ve never contracted a thing.  The world is a funny place, just do your job in keeping yourself and those you come in contact with safe.  
















Just yesterday in the office I was asked by a woman do I ever approach men.  Just a couple of days before that a man asked me the same exact question.  So it’s only natural that I write about this topic.  First and foremost let me put this out there for everyone….I R.L. WYNDER HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH APPROACHING A MAN.  I’ve always been a go-getter with anything in life, if it’s something or someone I want I will go after it.  A lot of times I catch men off guard and they have no idea how to react, I either turn them totally off or completely on, no in between.

From all of the noes I’ve heard (yes people have turned the magnificent R.L down) you would think it’ll stop me from approaching men; I wouldn’t be R.L. if I do that.  When a man is taken aback just because I approached them then they’re not strong or should I say man enough to be with me any way.  It’s honestly no love lost on my end, besides closed mouths don’t get fed.  I understand, it takes a very secure man to be ok with the fact that a woman just approached him and did “his job.”  I appreciate those secure men.

There are two reasons and two reason only why women don’t approach men.  1. They feel that they’re too good to approach a man.  She believes if a man wants her then he should walk his happy ass across the room and approach her.  AND 2. She’s just simply afraid of rejection.  Reaching back to #1, she assumes if he didn’t come and approach her then he must not want her.  Which then puts her in a position to get rejected if she decides to approach him.

I believe it’s somewhat the same way when it comes to guys, except with a little twist.  The man may not feel that he’s worthy or good enough for the woman so he avoids the embarrassment and settles on dreaming about being with the woman instead of actually saying hello.

People if we live our lives waiting on things or people to come to us, we’ll be waiting for  long time.  Yeah, yeah I’ve heard of “Good things come to those who wait,” but why wait if you can be in control of the situation sometimes.  Only a fool would let an opportunity slip from under them.  Everyone that I look up to in my profession as a writer or a producer have all been proactive.  Everyone I know who’s in a successful relationship and happy have all been proactive within their relationship from the beginning to the end.

I say all this to say, if it’s someone you want, don’t wait for them to approach you because if you wait too long he/she may approach someone else or someone else with more guts than you may approach them.  I always say this to my friends and to myself when I become hesitant to ask someone something…..the worst thing that can happen is that they say NO.  You’re not going to die from that no, you’re not going to have a heart attach from that no.  Your ego may be a little bruised, other than that your day will continue as normal.  It’s time to step out of your comfort zone, take it from me, I’ve always lived outside of my comfort zone.

Until next time…….

Peace, Love & Freakiness