Archive for April, 2011


It’s been a while since I’ve done an article related to music so I decided to do a countdown on the Best Break Up Songs.  Everyone loves a good break up song.  These songs either help you realize that you need to leave an undeserving person or help you realize that you’re better off without the person.  Let’s face it, there are more lonely and brokenhearted people in this world then there are happy couples.  Even those in relationships can relate because a lot of times people in relationships are just as lonely and brokenhearted as a single person.  These songs will make you cry, give you strength as well as understanding.  I tried to do a top 10 but there were too many so I took it to 15.  Remember, I chose these songs strictly on my personal opinion, If I missed your favorite leave it in the comment box below.

HONORABLE MENTION: Fantasia: Bittersweet

Fantasia’s Bittersweet reminds you of that ex you were in love with and as soon as you get thoughts of taking him back it snaps you back into reality and reminds you of all the bad or should I say the bitter parts of your relationship.  For every good there is a bad and it’s just not worth taking him back to experience the bad again.

15. Whitney Houston: Why Does it Hurt So Bad

This song is from one of the best soundtracks ever made, Waiting To Exhale.  This song is about that one person you just can’t let go of even when you actually have and moved on.  Old feelings begin rushing back as soon as you see him.  You put up a front to show him you’re happy but deep inside you wished he was the one you were with and you would drop your current man in a heartbeat for him. 

14.  Melanie Fiona: It Kills Me

This song here is for all the women who stick by their men knowing goodness damn well he’s out doing wrong.  But love is a powerful thing and it keeps her there.  She sticks around hoping he sees how much she loves him and at the end receives all of his love.  It sounds stupid as hell but it’s real, a lot of us women have gone through this sometimes it works but most of the time it doesn’t, but leaving someone you love is one of the hardest things to do.

13. K. Michelle: Can’t Do This

If Melanie Fiona had a part 2 to It Kills Me this will be it.  She’s finally at the point where she’s tired of being the only one who’s loving and forgiving in the relationship.  She’s still afraid of leaving the love of her life but she realizes that the man she loves is no longer the man she first met and she decides to do what’s best for HER, LEAVE!

12. Tyra B: I’m Still In Love

Tyra B’s I’m Still in Love throws a twist on break up songs.  Instead of the female being broken hearted by some guy, she actually was the cause of the break up.  She’s apologizing and willing to do anything to get her boo back.  Of course she didn’t realize how much she loved him until she got caught cheating and lost her love AND we all know men rarely forgive for cheating but expect us to.  Shouts out to VA…..follow her on twitter @tyrab.

11. Chrissette Michelle: Blame It On Me

This song is about a woman who’s done all she can do to keep the relationship together and it’s just not working she makes the tough decision and decides to do what’s best for her and that’s to get out of the relationship.  She wants out so bad she doesn’t care if he bad mouths her, actually she’s telling him to bad mouth her.  She just wants OUT!  I hear you girl!!!

10. Allure ft. 112: All Cried Out

I was only 14 when this song came out but I remembered crying to it and feeling every word they sung.  The great thing about this song is that you had both the female and male perspective.  She explains how she was neglected, he apologizes and she tells him take your sorry and shove it up your ass (basically).  She has no tears left for him.  If the relationship was strictly physical she would have been a happy camper but of course he failed to please her heart (as so many do).  Shouts out to Lisa Lisa and The Cult Jam feat. Full Force for the original cover. 

9. Brian McKnight: One Last Cry

It’s always nice to hear a man pour his heart out and admit that he actually shed tears (we all know this only happens on TV and in songs).  In One Last Cry he finally accepts that what he has is over and there’s nothing he can do about it at this point but cry it out.  He uses his last cry as therapy, to help him get over the love he lost.  He uses his tears to wash away all of his pain and hopes when he finishes the pain, broken heart and the girl will be erased from his memory (we know that doesn’t really work, but it makes for a great break up song!)

8. Jackson 5: Never Can Say Goodbye 

The title for this song says it all.  Sadly little Michael always experienced heartache and felt he should be used to it but he falls in love again and every time he tries to walk out he turns right back around and stays.  I dedicate this song to all of our crazy ass couples who constantly fight, go to jail over one another and then get right back into the relationship.  Yall dysfunctional asses need help but I’ll tell you don’t nobody else want yall crazy asses so you might as well stay together.

7. Tamia: Officially Missing You

We all know that the beginning of a break up is the hardest and that’s when you’re the most vulnerable to go back to your ex.  Sometimes we just want the pain and the tears to stop and the only way for that to happen is to get that person back in your life.  You begin missing him, remembering all the great things he used to do to you.  Tamia realizes that getting over someone is harder than she expected now she’s seriously missing her ex.

6. Shanice: Yesterday

Damn!  Shanice don’t beat around any bushes or sugar coat anything in this break up song.  Her feelings have drastically changed for her boo, soon to be ex and she gives him two fingers and say deuces.  Yesterday she loved him but today’s a new day and she no longer has the same feelings for him so she feels it’s best for them if she leaves.  Oh and Shanice, it’s total bull shit when you say “It hurts me to see you go through this pain,” you’re only thinking about yourself.  That’s like saying “It’s not you it’s me,” LOL.  Tell it to someone else……..but none the less this is a beautiful break up song by a beautiful woman with an even more beautiful voice!

5. Monica: Before You Walk Out of My Life

This sounds like another song where the woman is the official cause of the break up.  Some where down the road Monica made some bad decisions, realized it, apologized and would do anything to make things right so things can go back the way they were.  She’s making this huge plea and she’s hoping she can change his mind be before he walks out of her life for good.  We all love Monica and her first album is a classic!

4. Marsha Ambrosious: The Break Up Song

Marsha has one of the most amazing voices I’ve ever heard.  It pulls you in and forces you to become a part of her songs.  This songs makes me want to cry every time I hear it and I’m not going through a break up.  She lays her heart and all of her feelings on the line after finding out that her man was cheating on her.  She doesn’t want to let him go but after finding all of that out she’s forced to break it off.  She regrets digging for the information and wishes she can turn back the hands of time but it’s too late for that and her relationship.

3. Mary J. Blige: Not Gon’ Cry

Now ladies you know this is the first song we throw on to make ourselves feel better after a break up and men yall hate this song! It’s another song from one of the best sound tracks, Waiting To Exhale.  This song help women realize that throughout that entire relationship she was way too good for his ass any way.  Even though she loved the hell out of that man, put her own life on hold and then he ups and leave her (for a white woman…LOL) without even considering everything that she’s done for him.  She remembers that life goes on and she must stay strong, this song is filled with hope and encouragement!

2. Lauren Hill: Ex Factor

First of all this is Lauryn Hill…………(enough said).  Secondly we all have or had someone we stay with in spite of all of the difficult times you go through.  You love somebody so much, you leave them, you come back, he leaves, he comes back, you wanna leave, he forces you to stay……that my friend is called the Ex-Factor. It’s unhealthy but hopefully the couple comes to their senses and stop playing games and love each other the way love is supposed to be.  P.S. It was a beautiful video.

1.  Boyz II Men: I’m Doing Just Fine

This song was hands down my number 1 choice, no tough decisions I knew this would be it.  It’s Boyz II Men one of the best male groups ever!  I love this song because it’s so truthful.  They’ve just gotten past the point of their depression and heartache and is finally accepting that the relationship is over.  They’ve taken back their heart and want nothing more to do with their ex.  Of course she realizes she made a horrible decision and comes back in his life but Shawn, Wanya, Nathan & Michael said hell no! I’m finally over you, sorry for you! Anyone who’s ever experienced a horrible break up know how it feels to cry everyday, vow off the opposite sex for the rest of your life but this song gives hope that the pain from a break up will one day be over and you’ll be stronger. AND Boyz II Men tried to get sexy up in this video too!



I hate to be the barer of bad news and I absolutely HATE to give out any secrets we women hold.  Ladies please forgive me but there are just some things men should know.  Men are you ready for the big secret?  Well……….sometimes women only have sex with you because she loves you and not because the sex is good.  What? Huh? What you say?  Yeah, you heard me.  Just because we love you doesn’t mean that we love what you’re putting down in the bedroom.

You still don’t understand, do you?  Well, I know you don’t, because you honestly believe that your woman loves the motion you’re throwing in her ocean because all of her actions say so.  Before I dive deep into this let me first remind you that 99.9% of men can’t tell when a woman fakes an orgasm……so do you really think a man can tell if his woman isn’t enjoying sex (if she’s putting effort into it).

Why would a woman continue to have sex with someone who’s not doing it for her?  One word: LOVE.  She loves you so much that she’ll rather suffer in bed before telling you that you’re wack.  When a woman doesn’t care about you, she’ll tell you exactly how she feels about your sex game.  Women understand how important sex is to a man’s ego, it defines so many things for them.  Sometimes we women are fooled to believe the sex is better than what it actually is simply because the love is stronger than sex.

In this day and age sex is a HUGE part of a relationship.  It can lead to infidelity and ultimately a break-up/divorce.  So ladies, what can you do to save your relationship?  Several things…..Let me first state that I do not recommend cheating, someone always gets hurt.

1. Ladies you can suggest fun little things to your man that you love to do.  Spice it up by taking control.  Play games with him, dress up for him, have sex in a public place.  Anything that will toss a little excitement back into your sex life.  A lot of women seem to forget that the Vajussy holds a lot of power and we can control the temperature in the bedroom.  Even masturbating for him before you get down will help, you’ll get your orgasm while turning your partner on (men love watching women masturbate).

2.  Suggest an open relationship.  For those of you who don’t know an open relationship is when you’re committed to one person but both parties agree on having a physical relationship with other people.  I know some of you are thinking….Didn’t you just say no cheating?  Yes I did, but I don’t consider this cheating as long as both parties are aware.  Will and Jada Smith are rumored to engage in open relationship type activities and it seems to be able to work for them.  I believe a lot of people cheat anyway, why not do it so you won’t get in trouble?


3. Try talking to your partner.  Explain to him that you’re not very happy with your        sex life and together work on a plan.  Don’t worry about hurting his feelings, he should understand as long as you approach him correctly.

All in all relationships are based on communication and without it the relationship will fail.  Just try to be as open as possible with your mate, no matter what the subject maybe.  Oh and men, don’t be so cocky in the bedroom…..she may not enjoy it as much as she leads you to believe.

Love, Peace, & Freakiness

R.L. Wynder