Today’s inspiration comes from the 2004 movie starring Jamie Foxx, Morris Chestnut & Gabrielle Union.  This movie wasn’t in my plans to be apart of the Art Imitates Life Series but it came on late one night on the Oxygen Network.  I actually, forgot all about this movie but in the first 20 minutes of watching it, I knew I had to include it in our special series.  Quincy Watson (Jamie Fox), was instructed to write a manual on firing employees the correct & sensitive way to prevent crazy folk from shooting up the office the next day. Before he could finish the manual his wife to be broke up with him in the worst way possible and that’s when he realized that breaking up with your partner and firing people are one in the same so he quit his job and wrote a book on “breaking up,” and sort of became a master in it.  Which brings us to today’s topic; The Break Up, The Good, The Bad & The Ooooogly!


In my opinion there is no good way to break up, unless its a mutual decision and most of the time it’s not a mutual decision.  But you guys know me, I always try and keep an open mind and look at all sides of a situation.  Quincy’s man purpose with his book called “The Plan,” is to do it so well that you keep the other person away from you.  Because we all know when a break up isn’t mutual, the one who didn’t do the breaking up will be the one constantly calling and if the breaker upper isn’t mentally strong enough then he or she could possibly work their way back into the other person’s life.

The first thing Quincy suggests is that you do the breaking up at their house, so you can do the leaving.  I thought about it and that’s very smart, because let Tony come over here and break up with me I’m either going to react one or two ways.  I’m either going to be so angry I’m going to start throwing shit at you or I’m going to be so hurt I won’t be able to do anything but cry.  Either way the breaker upper won’t loose, I’ll be breaking up my own shit and if I cry I’ll be giving him an easy escape .

After that’s done, Quincy suggests you change your voicemail to the automated voice message (house or cell phone).  Why?  Because that person will be calling just to hear your voice and that keeps them attached to you just a little longer.  That makes sense, because a lot of times we do things for reasons we can’t understand and a lot of times it’s definitely subconscious.  I really don’t think this is an important factor to remember when it comes to breaking up, but I would remember it if you have a stalker on your hands.

Another thing that bugged the shit out of me that Evan Fields (Morris Chestnut) did, is that he sent Quincy out to pump up his girlfriend Nicky’s (Gabby) head about him because he was afraid of her breaking up with him all because he wanted to be the one to do it first.  The reason why it bugs the shit out of me is because I encounter men all the time who send their friends over to do their dirty work or to be their wingman.  What will happen is you won’t get the number and the wing man will get cursed out, HARD! It always back fires, just as it did that night with Quincy and Nicky.  Nicky obviously knew who Quincy was so she lied to him, told him a different name and she had a new hairstyle so Quincy had no idea that he was spilling his guts to his cousin Evan’s girlfriedn.  So men do your own dirt, don’t send your friends to do it for you.


As I mentioned before there’s nothing good about a break up for the person that’s being broken up with, especially in their eyes at that time.  When you actually sit down and think about it, most of the time there are always warning signs that the relationship isn’t going so well.  According to Quincy’s book, when a person says “Baby, we need to talk;” that’s the beginning of a break up.  Besides those things, your interactions between your partner becomes different; you become more distant emotionally and physically (unless you’re blind to the fact and don’t want to notice it).  On rare occasions you can meet someone like Evan, who has a 3 month rule, no matter how well the relationship is going he’s going to break up with the girl and that’s the position Nicky was in.

Breaking up is hard to do, especially when you’re in love with the person.  Sometimes you know that it should be over and you just wont do it and you need a lil help.  Your help just so happens to be your partner breaking up with you.  I’m sure you wont think it’s a good thing at the time but if it’s a bad relationship the best thing that he/she could do for you is break up with you.  Just always try to look at all the positives in bad situations.


In my opinion, everything about a break up is bad, bad, bad.  There’s nothing good that comes from it,unless you’re the breaker upper.  The worst part of a break up I believe is getting over it.  Your heart will hurt, the tears will fall and you’ll feel like the world is ending, just as Quincy did in the movie.  The only thing that can heal a heart is one or two things; time or another person (I suggest the first one).

The more time that passes the better you’ll feel about it and eventually you’ll begin to forget about the other person.  That is until you remember what they did to make you laugh, the way they made love to you, they way they smelled, their smile.  Eventually time will take care of those things too, you’ll always remember but it’ll begin to hurt a little less.

I don’t recommend getting another person right away (especially for us women) because if you think about it all we’ll be doing is trying to replace the person who just left you and you can’t replace a person with a different person.  When you leave them, you’ll still be thinking about your ex.  It only helps for the moment, you have to ask yourself how you’ll feel afterwards.  This is why I say we women will have a hard time using this method because it’s extremely hard for us have disconnected sex with men, we’ll end up getting hurt all over again.  So just give it some time.


Now depending on a person’s situation this can go from a horrible curse out to someone ending up dead.  Let Tony come over here and unexpectedly break up with me.  It’s going to end ooooogly because if you hurt me, I’m going to try my hardest to hurt you as well.  I’m going to attempt to whoop his ass, even though one of his biceps is half the size of my thigh.  I can’t beat that man,but I’m going to sure as hell give it a try.

Sometimes people take it a step further, busting out window, slashing tires and I’m sure you’ve heard this line before…….”If I can’t have you than no one can.” That’s when keeping it real goes wrong as hell and people do dumb stuff. Snapped on The Oxygen Network is one of my favorite shows and you think about it, most of those murders happen because the woman didn’t know how to break up with her husband and/or money was involved.  For those of you who’ll take it that far, I suggest you get a copy of Quincy’s book and some mental help before you’re the next person I see on Snapped.

There’s no good way to break up with someone.  I say forget the games and the so called rules and just be as honest as possible to your partner because the more honest and straight forward you are with the person the less of a response you may get.  Why?  Because he or she maybe so shocked by what just came out of your mouth that they’ll probably just sit there and look at you for a couple of minutes.  You better be a smart person and get the hell up out of there before they realize what you just said.  People expect people to lie and make excuses when it comes to situations such as this so they already know their reaction but if you do the unexpected they won’t know how to react.

If you’re in the process of wanting to break up with someone, watch this movie first (it might help) and just try to do it as respectful as possible……Good Luck!

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Love, Peace and Freakiness!

R.L. Wynder

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  • Comments (1)
    • WARREN
    • September 9th, 2010


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