ART IMITATES LIFE SERIES

THE BEST MAN


Hi guys!!! Today will be my first installment of what I like to call Art Imitates Life, with a Risque twist.  Let me explain exactly what I’m talking about.  Most of you know that my main income comes from the world of television and film and I love to write and produce so much that when ever I get the opportunity to combine the two, I do.

I always think a person can learn so much from films when it comes to any aspect in life, especially with relationships.  Last night I watched The Best Man, which is a movie from the male’s prospective on relationships and how the four best friends from college view women (I think we’ve all seen the movie, if not I suggest you watch it).  I believe its really important for women to understand men and vice versa because it’s true what they say “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.”  Besides talking to my good males friends watching movies is another method I use to understand my opposite necessity.

There was one really important scene in the movie that gave me 5 blog ideas.  Do you remember the scene when the guys were in the hotel room playing cards and chatting about women?  If not after reading this put that DVD in watch that one scene.   I couldn’t just choose one of the topics so I have to hit all of them.

MEASURING UP

Taye Digg’s character Harper Stewart, the successful writer who causes most of the drama throughout the movie, is labeled a serial monogamist, meaning he always has a girlfriend and remains faithful to her BUT has been afraid to take it to the next level, marriage.  One of his boys was quick to point out the reasoning behind Harper’s serial monogamist activities, he assumed it’s because no other woman has measured up to Jordan Armstrong (Nia Long’s character), who by the way was never his girlfriend.  I know that most of us have been guilty of this at some time in our lives (even me).

How do I feel about this whole concept?  Waiting on the right one because you’re still hooked on someone else.  I look at that as an excuse to keep doing what you’re doing.  In my case, what I was doing was remaining single because somewhere in the back of my mind I felt like something could possibly still pop off between the two of us and I wanted to be available just in case something did.  The other side of it is that when I leave one person you better believe it’s going to be an upgrade in every aspect, why leave one person just to go to someone on a lower level?  That doesn’t make sense to me.

The down side to holding on to someone who isn’t holding on to you is that your blinders are on and you can’t see the person that’s been standing directly beside you the entire time, having your back and supporting you through all of your bullshit.  It took something drastic to happen (Harper getting his ass whopped) before he realized he needed Robin (Sanaa Lathan’s character).  I guess Lance (Morris Chestnut’s character) beat the blinders off his ass and he was finally able to see Robin the person who was beside him the entire time .

I’ve been on both sides of this and let me tell you it doesn’t feel good to be the one standing by someone who isn’t even looking at you.   But let me tell you I now have 3 ex’s wishing they could have another chance with me because they just now took their blinders off, sorry I’m taken.

Guys do me a favor and if you’re the one holding on to someone who doesn’t want you, pull your blinders off and take a look at the person standing next to you, they just might be the one.  Don’t wait until something horrible happens to you before you realize that’s who you want.  If you’re the one supporting a person who’s still holding on, leave them because you know what?  They’ll be back!  Believe me!

GOLD DIGGERS VS. WOMEN

Now this one is a bit tricky but it made perfectly good sense when Murch said it in the movie.  Lance made the comment that his fiancé’s place was right at home cooking and cleaning.  He then took it a step further and said a woman like Jordan (successful & making bank) doesn’t need a man and she’s one step from being a lesbian…..really?

I take offense to that because in a way I am Jordan.  She was a producer for BET, had a mind of her own, and did whatever it took to make it to the top, with hard work and not by spreading her legs.  Before getting with Tony I was in a similar position as Jordan.  What was I supposed to do play damsel in distress until some man came along and decided to take care of me?  Hell no!  My mother taught me how to take care of myself with or without a man.  Just because Jordan and I are strong independent women doesn’t mean we don’t have a softer side to us that we preserve just for our man.  We cook, we clean, we love and we fuck just like any gold digger; but the only difference is that we’re also bringing a little dough to the table, maybe just as much as you.  Which is another issue because a lot of men have a problem with their women bringing more money home, but the good thing about Tony is that he loves money just as much as he loves me and I’m sure even more.

After Lance made that outlandish, barbaric comment Murch says something very smart.  He says: “Why is it that men who want women to stay at home are always talking about gold diggers but can’t take a woman who works and possibly make more money than them.”

Men if you think about it most of you want a gold digger but don’t even know it.  When you’re at the club making it rain on them hoes, when you pull up in your too expensive car and unaffordable rims, when you buy an entire Gucci outfit just for one night you’re doing all of that just for women, not for yourself.  If you were doing it for yourself, you would catch a ride to the club, drink before you come and wear a wife beater, jeans and your air force ones.  I say that to say, all of that supposedly shows how much money you have and that’s the first thing you want a woman to see, so obviously that’s the first thing she sees and becomes attractive to.

Here’s a hint men, if you want a real woman, start off by saying, hello miss, how are you?  Start having a conversation with her before you pull out your wad of money and if she gives you some attention THEN you offer to buy her a drink.  That’s when you know she’s talking to you because she’s interested in you and not because she wants a drink.  Let me be the first to admit, if you present a drink to me 1st then that’s all I want from you because I don’t deal with men I meet in a club they’re only good for one thing and that’s buying me a drink.  That’s the only time I play the gold digging role, I guess you can call it drink digging because I don’t pay for drinks when I go out.

Let me also say to you men who present their money before anything else, most of you are insecure and believe that’s the only way you can get a woman.  Grow some fucking balls, if not, you’re going to keep running into those gold diggers and mess around and marry one of them and as soon as you loose your money they’ll be out.  I stated what I said above about you men because that came straight from my honey’s mouth, besides the fact he presented his money to me.  I took advantage and brought the most expensive meal on the menu because I never planned on seeing him again.  Until I got to know him, now I wouldn’t leave that man if he was broke or in jail because I love him past his money.

MONOGOMY/ FORGIVENESS

Through out this movie Lance, the groom was known to be a little of a ladies man.  He’s been caught numerous of times cheating on Mia, his girlfriend during their college days.  Each time he got caught, he begged his way right back in and Mia forgave him.  About 85% of all women who catch their man cheating, forgives them.  As soon as Lance found out that Mia cheated on him years ago he was ready to throw it all away.  Forgetting about the many times he’s broken her heart, cheating on her with nameless hoes.

Men I have two questions for you.  Why is monogamy so hard for you?  AND.  Why is it so hard for you to forgive?  Everything is so fucking hard for you men.  Why?  You don’t have babies, you don’t bleed from your penis every month, you don’t go through hormonal changes as much as us women.  So, what the fuck is the proble?  Why is everything so freaking hard for you guys?  Believe me, I will be asking Tony these same questions but I already know his answers.

When it comes to being in a monogamist relationship and forgiving, I ask you men to place yourselves in our shoes.  How would you feel if we did to you what you do to us.  I’m not bitter because I haven’t really caught any of my men cheating on me (what I don’t know won’t hurt me).  I’m just a really firm believer in treating people the way you want to be treated.

Why are you strong enough and bad enough to fuck around on your woman but not MAN enough to forgive her for the same shit she forgave you for.  Now I know men aren’t the only cheaters we women cheat too but you rarely have to forgive us because we rarely get caught.  It’s unfair to ask her to do something for you that you won’t do for her, relationships aren’t supposed to be one sided and neither is forgiveness.

Tony and I have spoken about cheating on one another, we’re both realists and neither one of us condone each other to cheat on one another but we also know if we really want to do it, we can and we will.  He told me he’ll be extremely hurt and will possibly cry if I gave another man head…..LOL I laughed so hard.  He feels like that’s more intimate.  I’m sorry but anything sexual between a man and a woman is intimate to me so I prefer you to do nothing!

Enough ranting about you men and your barbaric ways of thinking.  I just ask for both men and women to be considerate of each other’s thought process and why we do certain things.  We women definitely think differently from men and vice versa.  You’ll have a better understanding of your partner and why he or she does certain things.  For instances, if I leave Tony today he’ll probably be sad but he’s not going to run after me because he doesn’t get too attached to people because he’s lost 3 siblings.  That has nothing personally do with me.  He believes all women are a certain way because of how certain women in his life are.  It’ll take a while for him to change the way he thinks but I need to be patient and understanding as he needs to be the same with me.  Just try it, I’ll promise you it’ll help your relationship.

So what have we learned from The Best Man?  1. Don’t stay too caught up on an ex.  That person is in the past and if preventing you from seeing the person right beside you.  2. Men figure out what type of woman you really want, a woman or a gold digger and start presenting yourself properly for one you want.  Women don’t alter your style just because the majority of men want a certain woman.  Meaning don’t become the woman who spreads her legs just to get what you want just because you see others benefiting from doing that.  Stay true to yourself.  3. Treat others the way you want to be treated.  Don’t go cheating on your partner if you don’t want them doing the same to you.  Be understanding of your partner’s feelings and try and figure out the root of their actions.  Remember to forgive as much as you want to forgive.

Don’t forget to subscribe to Risque The Novel Blog and as always please leave a comment.

Love, Peace, and Freakiness

R.L. Wynder

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  • Comments (3)
  1. Thank you for the good writeup. It in truth was a amusement account it. Look advanced to more brought agreeable from you! However, how can we be in contact?

  2. That is a tough position Christina. All you can do is show him that you understand and maybe suggest some counseling for the two of you because it will be horrible if you two never get married or if he marries you just because and is still thinking about his ex. He may feel like he’s being unfaithful to his ex that died in some weird way. Good Luck Christina!

    • Christina
    • September 7th, 2010

    I think I just understood why my fiance doesn’t want to marry me. He asked me and then changed his mind. I think it is because he still loves his ex who passed away. Well I can’t really measure up to that.

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