Archive for June 2nd, 2010


I honestly believe that as humans we are naturally built to want things we’re not supposed to have or can’t have.  We like to go against the norm, break rules and do things we’re told not to do.  This is something that has always been embedded in us, looking back at the Adam and Eve’s situation.  Eve began to wonder why they were forbidden to eat the apples and with a little help from the lil ol’ serpent she convinced Adam to go against God’s will, to do something he knew he wasn’t supposed to do.  If the apple was never off limits I’m sure that Eve nor the serpent would have been that interested in a simple apple.  We love to push limits, that is until we get caught and have to suffer the consequences

Which brings me to today’s topic.  Sleeping with a married person and I’m talking about both men and women.  I don’t read a lot about men who sleep with married women, because I think society loves to blame those types of situations on the women and let the men slide.  Even when its a woman sleeping with a married man.  They blame it all on the woman as if the husband had nothing to do with the affair.  Before I go off early in this post I’m going to discuss why people do it, the beginning, middle, and the end.  NOTE: I AM NOT JUDGING ANYONE, just merely discussing the topic.

Why People Do It

Everyone who engages in sexual activities with a married person are all not the same and they all do it for different reasons.  When it comes to men who are involved with married women they normally don’t care and somewhere down the road they begin mentally competing with the husband (men are some competitive creatures), which keeps them involved longer.  When you look for a real reason of why people do it, there’s no real answer most people say it’s something that just happen and there are those who say because I wanted it to happen.


THE SINGLE MAN: When it comes to the single man they normally become involved with a married woman because of the simple fact that he’s single.  Let me explain.  he’s obvious single for a reason, most likely it’s by choice.  So when becoming involved with a married woman it’s easy to just have sex and not worry about catering to her, caller her or showing her attention because she’s married and that’s what her husband is for.  It’s the perfect relationship for a single man, sex with no strings attached.  That’s not including the gay men who mess with married men (but that’s another topic).

THE SINGLE WOMAN:  This is definitely more complicated than the single man so I’ve split the single woman into two categories.

TYPE I: THE HEARTLESS SINGLE WOMAN, This is the woman who don’t give a damn.  She doesn’t care who’s involved or who’s feelings will get hurt.  She’s just looking out for one person and that’s herself.  Whether she’s in it just for the sex or the added benefits such as money and gifts.  She may even go as far as blackmailing  the man for her gifts in exchange for her sex and silence.

TYPE II: THE REGULAR SINGLE WOMAN.  This woman just happened to get caught up.  She didn’t plan nor seek out this relationship.  She followed her heart or hormones (we sometimes get the two confused) and one thing lead to another.  A perfect example is Lorrell from Dream Girls, she got caught in the situation and ended up being with Jimmy Early for years.  She knew what she was doing was wrong but she couldn’t get out of the situation until she finally got fed up.

THE MARRIED WOMAN AND THE MARRIED MAN:  When a married person decides to cheat on their spouse one of the smartest things they can do is cheat with another married person?  Why?  Because they both have something to loose (their spouse) and they’ll both do whatever it takes to keep their secret.  In most situations they don’t have to worry about the other person getting jealous or threatening to tell, only in extreme and rare cases will someone get upset.


I know what you’re thinking.  What relationship?  No matter how you look at it, its considered a relationship.  Maybe not a good or ethical one but a relationship none the less.  As mentioned earlier people choose to get into a relationship with a married person for their own reasons.  Some like the challenge of the chase, the excitement of possibly getting caught and others really don’t give a fuck.

Whatever the reason may be the relationship usually turns out the same way for everyone.  In the beginning both parties clearly understand the rules of the relationship, which the married one usually sets.  No contacting, no dating in public, no coming by the house UNLESS “I say so.”  Both parties agree and the “Other One” seems to have no problem with it and understands and accepts all of the rules.

AND THEN…….you guessed it.  Someone begins to catch feelings and things begin to change for the worst.  Promises start being made about leaving their spouse just to keep “the other” person’s mouth shut and happy for the moment.  We all know what happens, the married one never leaves their spouse and the other one becomes distraught and left alone with a broken heart (in rare cases they will leave their spouse).

We’re human and no matter how hard you try to not catch some type of feelings for the other individual, you will.  When matters of the heart become involved situations change drastically.

Is it ever ok to do this?  I believe so.  In God’s eyes? No.  One of the reasons why I wrote this blog is because everyone has been giving Alicia Keys all this shade for her relationship with Swizz Beats.  I don’t know the situation and neither do most of you.  For all we know Alicia didn’t get with him until he separated. My only problem with people talking bad about Alicia is the fact that no one is talking bad about him.  He made the commitment to his wife not Alicia if you’re going to blame anyone blame both of them not the one who had nothing to do with the relationship in the first place.

Will this ever end?  No this has been going on for years.  I just think we should want more for ourselves then to be the other woman or man.  Don’t you think you deserve more than being somebody’s side piece?  If you’re ok with being the side piece and seeing your person when ever he/she allows you to, then this is the lifestyle for you.  Before you make your decision put yourself in the spouse’s shoes.  How would you feel if your spouse cheated on you?  Then base your decision off of that.  Just be comfortable with the one you make, because you may just be sleeping with the enemy.