Archive for June, 2010

IT’S MY BIRTHDAY YALLLL!!!

HEY GUYS, MY FAITHFUL AND LOYAL SUPPORTERS OF RISQUE THE NOVEL/BLOG.  TODAY R.L. WYNDER (THAT’S ME) IS CELEBRATING HER 28TH BIRTHDAY (JUNE 16TH)!  YEP THAT’S RIGHT, I AM NOT AFRAID OF TELLING MY AGE BECAUSE I WILL ALWAYS LOOK GOOD.

THANK YOU GOD FOR ALLOWING ME TO SEE 28 YEARS OF MY LIFE.  THERE ARE SO MANY IN THE WORLD WHO NEVER HAD THE CHANCE TO SEE 28.  I NEVER TAKE ONE DAY, HOUR, MINUTE OR SECOND FOR GRANTED!

THEY SAY THAT PEOPLE BORN ON THIS DAY ARE VISIONARIES, CREATIVE, & FREE FLOWING.  & I TOTALLY AGREE.  I SHARE MY BIRTHDAY WITH SOME WONDERFUL PEOPLE AND I JUST WANT TO GIVE THEM A SPECIAL SHOUT OUT!

SYMPHANIE JACKSON:  MY LIL COUSIN WHO I BELIVE TURNED 17 TODAY.  KEEP YOU HEAD TO THE SKY, KNOW THAT YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU PUT YOUR MIND TOO!  AND SHE’S A BOMB TRACK RUNNER ……..LIKE ME!!!

TAIMA VENTURA:  “THE MID-TOWN HONEY”  SHE’S A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN.  MANAGING HER CAREER, MOTHERHOOD (TO THE OLDEST 5/6/45YEAR OLD GIRL I KNOW), AND SCHOOL (CONGRATS ON THE MASTERS TOO!) KEEP DOING YOU!

JUNE FRANCIS-COLEMAN: SHE DOES IT ALL.  SHE WRITES SCRIPTS, LINE PRODUCES, MAKE FURNITURE (?? DO YOU ACTUALLY MAKE IT?).  SHE’S A REALLY POSITIVE PERSON THAT I’M HAPPY TO HAVE MET.  WE MET ONE DAY BY THE COPIER MACHINE AND SHE INTRODUCED HERSELF TO ME.  SHE GOES MY NAME IS JUNE , I SAY: OH I WAS BORN IN JUNE.  SHE SAYS: ME TOO ON THE 16TH.  I SAY: ME TOO!  SHE SAYS: GET OUT!  AND IT’S BEEN MAGIC EVER SINCE.

SHARRI MAPP (SHE’S MARRIED NOW): I FORGET HOW WE MET.  IT COULD HAVE BEEN THROUGH OUR RIVAL HIGH SCHOOLS ( I COULDN’T STAND YALL!).  THROUGHOUT HER ENTIRE LIFE SHE’S BEEN DETERMINED TO BE THE BEST IN LIFE AND NOW SHE’S A FIRST YEAR LAWYER!!! CONGRATS!

RICKY SARMIENTO: I FIRST MET THIS CREATIVE MAN ON THE SET OF INSIDE MAN, WHEN HE ALLOWED ME TO HELP HIM OUT IN THE CAMERA DEPARTMENT FOR ONE DAY (I FELT SO SPECIAL).  SINCE THEN  (5 YEARS AGO), HE’S BEEN NOTHING BUT A GREAT PERSON TO ME.  LOOKING OUT FOR ME, GETTING ME GIGS WHEN HE CAN.  THAT’S THE JUNE 16TH GEMINI IN HIM, BECAUSE WE REALLY LOVE HELPING PEOPLE.

OF COURSE I CAN’T FORGET TUPAC THE MOST CREATIVE ONE OF US ALL.  TUPAC HAD VISIONS, HE HAD DREAMS HE MADE INTO REALITY AND HE TRIED TO CHANGE AS MUCH OF THE WORLD AS HE COULD WITH HIS GIFT……JUST LIKE ME WITH MY WRITING AND PRODUCING, JUNE WTH HER WRITING, PRODUCING, AND CRAFTS, TAIMA WITH HER TEACHING, RICKY WITH HIS DIRECTING AND DIRECTING OF PHOTOGRAPHY.  WE ALL TRY TO MAKE A SMALL IMPACT ON THE WORLD.

SYMPHANIE IS STILL YOUNG, NOT QUITE IN THE WORLD YET, BUT WHEN SHE GETS THERE I KNOW SHE’LL MAKE A DIFFERENCE BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT WE JUNE 16TH GEMINIS DO!!!

LOVE YOU ALL!  SHOW US SOME LOVE ON OUR BIRTHDAY!

Is It Wrong for Me To Date My Best Friend’s Ex???

On my way into work today on the train, I was preparing today’s blog about cheating and how we women do it better than men.  But that’s not what you’re about to read.  I was talking to this guy on Facebook, a real handsome guy, was a real fly guy back in the day (not much has changed).  I’ve never looked at him in a sexual way, obviously I’m human and I’m not blind so I could definitely see that he was cute.  I guess, I never looked at him in that way, I because one of my best friends used to deal with him.  I’m not even going to mention that they tried to throw the friend on me…..LOL Don’t yall hate when your friends try to hook you up with the left over friend?  He was cool but…..yeah!  How about those Celtics…LOL (I couldn’t remember his name for the life of me until the mystery guy told me today…SMH).

So here’s today’s question……Is it ever ok to deal with one of your friend’s ex?  I know my answer I want to hear yours.  Are there ever exceptions to this rule?  Me, I think uh uh, No way.  Even if it was from back in the day.  If one of  my friends end up dealing with my first love (and that thing started back when I was in the 4th grade), I would feel some type of way.  Luckily he’s the brother of one of my best friends and I doubt my other two friends will ever cross that line.

In this particular situation, my friend and this mystery guy were both in the 9th grade, nothing physical ever happened between them besides some heavy petting and kissing, I’m not even sure if they were in love or ever official.  Let’s not forget about his friend that was interested in me.  Before I go any further….Me and the mystery guy are not planning or contemplating hooking up he just gave me a really good idea to blog about.  With that said, given the factors is it ok for me to deal with him being that they only had a “Teenage Love Affair?”

Will I be wrong if I allow him to take a dip in my fantasy land, or if I ride a couple of roller coasters with him?  How would you feel?

Here are the factors:

-She was 15 years old

-They never had sex

-They were never in love (at least I don’t think so)

AND she doesn’t talk about about him today which means she ain’t thinking about him

Honestly I just think it’ll be weird, to kiss on the man my friend used to kiss on.  I don’t want to be having sex with him and visions of them having sex pop into my mind.  Most importantly I don’t want to ruin my friendship with her (we’re both Gemini’s, so were a lot of alike so I wouldn’t even have to ask her).  If anything were to ever pop off, I’ll definitely have a conversation with her first………THOUGHTS??  Besides I’m fly enough to get any man I want, I don’t have to be with my BF’s ex!  Owwwwwwww! (as my brother would say!)

SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY

I honestly believe that as humans we are naturally built to want things we’re not supposed to have or can’t have.  We like to go against the norm, break rules and do things we’re told not to do.  This is something that has always been embedded in us, looking back at the Adam and Eve’s situation.  Eve began to wonder why they were forbidden to eat the apples and with a little help from the lil ol’ serpent she convinced Adam to go against God’s will, to do something he knew he wasn’t supposed to do.  If the apple was never off limits I’m sure that Eve nor the serpent would have been that interested in a simple apple.  We love to push limits, that is until we get caught and have to suffer the consequences

Which brings me to today’s topic.  Sleeping with a married person and I’m talking about both men and women.  I don’t read a lot about men who sleep with married women, because I think society loves to blame those types of situations on the women and let the men slide.  Even when its a woman sleeping with a married man.  They blame it all on the woman as if the husband had nothing to do with the affair.  Before I go off early in this post I’m going to discuss why people do it, the beginning, middle, and the end.  NOTE: I AM NOT JUDGING ANYONE, just merely discussing the topic.

Why People Do It

Everyone who engages in sexual activities with a married person are all not the same and they all do it for different reasons.  When it comes to men who are involved with married women they normally don’t care and somewhere down the road they begin mentally competing with the husband (men are some competitive creatures), which keeps them involved longer.  When you look for a real reason of why people do it, there’s no real answer most people say it’s something that just happen and there are those who say because I wanted it to happen.


THE PEOPLE WHO DO IT

THE SINGLE MAN: When it comes to the single man they normally become involved with a married woman because of the simple fact that he’s single.  Let me explain.  he’s obvious single for a reason, most likely it’s by choice.  So when becoming involved with a married woman it’s easy to just have sex and not worry about catering to her, caller her or showing her attention because she’s married and that’s what her husband is for.  It’s the perfect relationship for a single man, sex with no strings attached.  That’s not including the gay men who mess with married men (but that’s another topic).

THE SINGLE WOMAN:  This is definitely more complicated than the single man so I’ve split the single woman into two categories.

TYPE I: THE HEARTLESS SINGLE WOMAN, This is the woman who don’t give a damn.  She doesn’t care who’s involved or who’s feelings will get hurt.  She’s just looking out for one person and that’s herself.  Whether she’s in it just for the sex or the added benefits such as money and gifts.  She may even go as far as blackmailing  the man for her gifts in exchange for her sex and silence.

TYPE II: THE REGULAR SINGLE WOMAN.  This woman just happened to get caught up.  She didn’t plan nor seek out this relationship.  She followed her heart or hormones (we sometimes get the two confused) and one thing lead to another.  A perfect example is Lorrell from Dream Girls, she got caught in the situation and ended up being with Jimmy Early for years.  She knew what she was doing was wrong but she couldn’t get out of the situation until she finally got fed up.

THE MARRIED WOMAN AND THE MARRIED MAN:  When a married person decides to cheat on their spouse one of the smartest things they can do is cheat with another married person?  Why?  Because they both have something to loose (their spouse) and they’ll both do whatever it takes to keep their secret.  In most situations they don’t have to worry about the other person getting jealous or threatening to tell, only in extreme and rare cases will someone get upset.

THE RELATIONSHIP

I know what you’re thinking.  What relationship?  No matter how you look at it, its considered a relationship.  Maybe not a good or ethical one but a relationship none the less.  As mentioned earlier people choose to get into a relationship with a married person for their own reasons.  Some like the challenge of the chase, the excitement of possibly getting caught and others really don’t give a fuck.

Whatever the reason may be the relationship usually turns out the same way for everyone.  In the beginning both parties clearly understand the rules of the relationship, which the married one usually sets.  No contacting, no dating in public, no coming by the house UNLESS “I say so.”  Both parties agree and the “Other One” seems to have no problem with it and understands and accepts all of the rules.

AND THEN…….you guessed it.  Someone begins to catch feelings and things begin to change for the worst.  Promises start being made about leaving their spouse just to keep “the other” person’s mouth shut and happy for the moment.  We all know what happens, the married one never leaves their spouse and the other one becomes distraught and left alone with a broken heart (in rare cases they will leave their spouse).

We’re human and no matter how hard you try to not catch some type of feelings for the other individual, you will.  When matters of the heart become involved situations change drastically.

Is it ever ok to do this?  I believe so.  In God’s eyes? No.  One of the reasons why I wrote this blog is because everyone has been giving Alicia Keys all this shade for her relationship with Swizz Beats.  I don’t know the situation and neither do most of you.  For all we know Alicia didn’t get with him until he separated. My only problem with people talking bad about Alicia is the fact that no one is talking bad about him.  He made the commitment to his wife not Alicia if you’re going to blame anyone blame both of them not the one who had nothing to do with the relationship in the first place.

Will this ever end?  No this has been going on for years.  I just think we should want more for ourselves then to be the other woman or man.  Don’t you think you deserve more than being somebody’s side piece?  If you’re ok with being the side piece and seeing your person when ever he/she allows you to, then this is the lifestyle for you.  Before you make your decision put yourself in the spouse’s shoes.  How would you feel if your spouse cheated on you?  Then base your decision off of that.  Just be comfortable with the one you make, because you may just be sleeping with the enemy.

What Exactly is Tantric Sex?

Most of you know that I started shooting a new show this week so I’m going to be having a rough time balancing work, writing for the blog site and writing the new Risque novel.  I promise I’m going to be trying my best to please you all and to keep you on your Risque fix.

Today’s topic is very interesting. It’s something I’ve never done before but wouldn’t mind doing it, I just know it’ll be hard to find a guy who’ll be willing to try this with me and fully commit to it.  Before I do anything I always like to do my research, this way we can all learn about this at the same time.

I first heard about this particular type of sex through Diddy.  Way before I was on twitter Diddy twitted that he was in his 35th hour of  marathon sex.  Do I believe he would pick up the phone during sex?  Yes.  Would I have smacked the beJesus out of him if I was the woman?  Yes.  I became curious, did a little research, found it to be too confusing and soon forgot about it until Dawn & Que tweeted about it.

What am I talking about my peeps?  I’m talking about Tantric Sex which is the slow sustained form of sexual intercourse founded on Indian mysticism.  We’re going to take a deeper look into what it is and the benefits from it.  I think we can all agree when we have sex we all want the same outcome, to feel good and for lack of better words to bust a nut.  Tantric Sex is just the opposite.  Your goal during a session of Tantric Sex should be to prolong the orgasm in order to increase your sexual energy and intimacy with your partner.

Why would anyone want to do that?  Have sex and not have an ending point?  It’s because Tantric Sex allows you to feel and focus on all of the other feelings and emotions that happen before the orgasm.  Even though Tantric Sex can last up to an insanely number of hours, another one of your goals is to preserve your energy.  When you experience an orgasm or release any amount of come, you are releasing energy from your body.  Don’t worry it is possible for men to have an orgasm with out releasing any fluid, but normally that comes with being a pro at Tantric Sex.  A man must be able to have enough control mentally and physically to have what they call a dry orgasm, on purpose.

I like to describe Tantric Sex as sexual yoga, because it’s based on breathing to cycle energy.  You breath in each other’s air to create energy.  Sort of like sexual photosynthesis (without the light).  It involves a lot of conscious breathing, eye contact and visualization.  It’s connecting spiritually with your partner.  It sounds like hard work and it is but here are a few beginner points if you’re interested in pursuing in this spiritual sexual act.

SETTING THE MOOD

You should be in a comfortable area a place where you are most relaxed.  You should accent the room with candles, flowers & dim lighting and anything sensual.  Anything distracting such as the tv, cell phones and clocks should be turned off.  It’s ok to have music playing softly in the background.  Scents are very important to sensuality so it’ll be a plus to have some oils, scented candles or incense burning as well.

Concentrate on Breathing

Breathing allows you to easily sync with your partner which is why breathing is so important in Tantric Sex.  One of the easiest way to do this is to have the woman straddle the man’s lap and your breathing should be opposite.  Meaning while she’s inhaling, he should be exhaling causing you to breath in each other’s breath, therefore creating energy.

Keep Eye Contact

This is also another way to stay sexually connected and intimate.  You know how they say the eyes are the windows to your soul.  Imagine making love to our partner seeing their soul and experiencing what they’re feeling.  It’ll only heighten your sensuality driving you both to a new level of ecstasy.  It’s a little difficult to do being that people naturally close their eyes when something feels good or bad.  Just try and stay conscious of keeping your eyes open.

Take Your Time

In my opinion sex is better when you take your time, and I’m obviously not the only person that believes this.  Four play is very important when it comes to Tantric sex.  Take your time with it, explore every inch of each other’s body.  The longer the four play the better, because the slow build helps men control longevity and piques women’s arousal.  The act of four-play is to build energy and that’s what Tantric Sex is all about.  So the longer you build your energy the longer your session will last.


Good Luck and I really hope you step outside of your sexual box and try something new.  After researching this topic I believe it can redefine sex.  If you’re tired of the old get in get out, humpty dumpty acts of regular sex, I challenge you to challenge yourselves and try Tantric Sex.  As soon as I post this, you better believe I’m starting my campaign to convince my boo to try it with me.  I know it’ll be a lil harder to convince the men but ladies give it a try!