HOLDING ON vs. LETTING GO

As I sit under the dryer at my favorite Dominican Hair Salon in Brooklyn on Lewis Ave (Shout out to Virginia, for blowing my roots out!), I anxiously wanted to type up today’s blog.  I’m really digging this bloging thing and it seems like you guys like it too.  Now all I need is for some of you to comment and then we’ll be in business….LOL  I mean if I’m sharing my opinion I think it’s only fair to hear yours as well.  It is just my opinion not facts so I want to hear it all to open my eyes up to some of the things you guys think.

Today’s topic is Holding On vs. Letting Go and I know we’re all guilty of this.  Rather it’s a boy/girlfriend, cousin, BFF, or just some random person in your life that you know you should let go of but you decide to hold on.  Or how about those you let go when you know you should have held on to.  I’ll touch both topics today.

I KNOW I SHOULD LET YOU GO BUT….

I’m guilty of this one the most.  Especially when it comes to the men in my life.  I’m honestly pretty good at getting rid of so-called friends that shouldn’t even have the honor to be in my presence (Yall know I’m crazy).  Don’t act like I’m the only one. I have three people in my life that always know they can call on Ron when they need to.  It’s because I allow it and I haven’t fully let go.  Well one of them is married and we’re really good friends but I had to put him in his place and let him know that certain things are inappropriate, so let’s just say two.  I’ll like to think that the other two are my back ups, if something ever happens with me and the boo (I’m just being honest).  But I have to ask myself is this really the case? Or is it just my excuse to feel better about keeping them in the background.

I believe it’s just my excuse, because part of me still has feelings for the other two guys, (one more than the other).  I’m a true believer in “if it’s meant to be it’ll be” and if you’re not doing anything for me mentally or spiritually I can let you go.  God will place us back together if need be.  So I’ve decided to let them both go, no back up plans.

I know it’s not that simple for most of you.  Sometimes you feel like this person is the beginning and all end of everything.  If you feel that way, you’re probably the one who’s putting the most love, time & effort into the relationship.  Don’t act like you don’t know because we all know when a person is not right for us, but we think about the way they smile, make you laugh, or put it down in bed.  SN: Sex is probably the number one reason you hold on to the person.  You think “Oh I’ll just have sex with him and that’s it.”  Knowing goodness well your emotions are still involved.

As my friend KP mentioned letting go of relationships not only mean boy/girlfriends, but of friendships & familyships as well.  Plain and simple some people are just a lost cause.  You can be on the path to somewhere and they’re on the path to no where and you just stick it out with them trying to guide them to a better path but in the process they keep dragging you down moving you closer to their path.  That’s when you know it’s time to let go.

I’m not saying let go of every person as soon as something happens.  You’ll never have anyone if you do that.  Some people are worth working things out with.  The world wouldn’t have any marriages, parent to child relationships or friendships if that was the case.  If you believe that person is worth it and he or she is willing to work with you as a team then stick it out.  I’ve been through so many ups and downs with this man but I decided to stick it out because at that time we were still getting to know one another and we haven’t hit an issue that we couldn’t solve.

I LET YOU GO & I MADE A MISTAKE

This is for all of you who’ve let people go in your life that you know you should have at least tried to work things out with but that stupid thing called PRIDE made you let he/she go.  I learned quickly that prides has no business in a relationship because it causes you to do things you really don’t want to do.

I remember the first time my pride surfaced with the boo.  I only have one problem with this man, he don’t know how to pick up the freaking phone and that bugs the crap out of me.  So I know this man’s schedule like the back of my hand, I went to the Y (where we first met) cause I knew that he’ll be taking a Sunday morning boot camp class.  Found him outside talking on his phone (which made me even more mad…LOL) So I just started going in on him, he’s looking at me like “are you serious.”

I end my conversation with “you just lost a good thing,” then I walk away.  When I said that I knew goodness well I didn’t want to leave that man I was just trying to prove a point.  Anyway, he ran after me, begging and pleading in public (don’t worry we didn’t make a scene).  But I kept walking because my pride told me to.  We all know how this ends I obviously end up getting back with him….LOL But I’m just saying leave your pride out of it if not it will be a mistake and your pride maybe more stubborn than mine and won’t allow you to go back.

So here’s my advice to those of you who’ve made a mistake, it’s ok to go back.   More than likely you’re hurting more on the inside then you’ll ever admit.  And if it’s a family member you’ve let go of make sure you’ve made the right decision because just because you let them go doesn’t mean they’re no longer your family, they’ll always be there.

This post means a lot to me because I have a lot of friends (including myself) in my life that I love dearly who struggle with Letting Go vs. Holding On and I know it’s extremely hard especially when you really love the person.  I just ask that you take your time with this decision and pray on it.

Love you guys and leave a comment DAMNIT!!!

Oh shout out to my biggest devoted reader….Mr. Stacker, he gave me the idea for my post yesterday!

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  • Comments (6)
    • SYS
    • May 1st, 2010

    Letting go VS. Holding on has been the theme of the last year of my life! I think letting go is one of the hardest things to do, especially for women. We are nurturers and who wants to let go of someone or some things that we have nurtured or feel we can nurture until they “get it right” so to speak.

    The key to letting go in my opinion is realizing your self-worth and knowing that God created us in His image therefore, we are more than deserving of being treated with the utmost respect, worth being loved unconditionally, capable of saying NO and pack your… WHAT CHRISSY SAID; LOL! But seriously when one truly realizes what God meant when he said that we are FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY created then he or she will be able to LET GO of things that are not healthy; whether it be a woman, man, family member or friend, drug or habit!

    It is important in my opinion to HOLD ON to things or people or actions that align with God’s plan for your life. To most of us God’s Plan goes against what we want and we push those ideas to the side or close certain doors or shut certain people out because we are on OUR OWN AGENDAS and neglect to see what is intended to be. Why hold on to things or people just because of the “what if factor”? Would you want to be someone’s “what if,” You know, what if this doesn’t work out… then I have Thomas (tehheeee) on the back burner. I know I don’t because ultimately many of us really want just THAT ONE, whether it is now or later! Keeping the “what ifs” around just hinder THE ONE from getting through to you when it is time!

    Spoken from a WOMAN who is well on her way to sexual and emotional integrity and IT FEELS GOOD TO LET GO AND LET GOD!

  1. You know what Jushadenough I forgot all about married people mainly because I’m not married and I’m definitely not equipped to give advice about marriage. I can only imagine how difficult it maybe. You’re right we do think that men don’t have feelings because a lot of the times men find it difficult to express themselves and show us their feelings so forget that you’re really not Superman. I don’t think it’s possible for a relationship to last without both parties being on the same page. You sound like a good man and I’m sorry that you’re going through this. Pray on it. whatever you decide please don’t let this damage you for other women. 🙂 Keep your head up!

    • jushadenough
    • April 29th, 2010

    Well princess it a little harder to let go when your married. when your married it more than just the two of you. There families involved,not alone mention the kids. but i am a firm belevier that kids can’t keep a relationship/marriage together.
    How much can one person take when we are not in agreement with each other and we are finding fault in whatever each other do. Like you mention a lot of it is pride but who should stand down. As a man i feel im right as an independant woman she feel she is right. i feel once you say i do you are no longer and independent you are one. her problems are your problems and vice verser. on top of all of that i feel she uses sex as a porn. if i cheat them im wrong and i’m a male dog and everything is my fault. sometimes i feel that woman dont think men have feelings. This has been an on going problem. When should i let go. i’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.

  2. Oooooh comments!! LOL Chrissy, you know I feel you girl! Thanks, you’re always very encouraging. June that’s just the Gemini in you stubborn as hell, I know because I’m bad w/ it….. but I decided to ease up a lil when it came to him.

    • June Frances Coleman
    • April 29th, 2010

    Well you see… I have way too much pride to hang onto anyone that doesn’t want me around, so I say good riddance always. With that said, through experience I’ve learned to cope with the disappointment and heartache that comes with letting go of someone that isn’t right for you, regardless of the type of relationship that involved the two. On the other hand, there are the people in your life that help you grow and challenge you. If you work towards being whole, you can appreciate those people for who they are and learn something at the same time. I think time and patience helps us to decide which situation we’re in and how we should proceed. I get the dilemma, but I just think its something we all have to go through to find out how to love ourselves.

    • Chrissy
    • April 29th, 2010

    Letting go is hard and is somthing that takes thought and time, until you get to your breaking point. Then oneday it’s something very small that triggers your emotions and your like fuck it I’m through, get your shit and get out. Relationships have been the hardest adjustment, task, and goal to accomplish, and I thought college would be lol. love this blog keep up the great work and keep making us PROUD E.S.V.A. LOVE U

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