Archive for April, 2010

HOLDING ON vs. LETTING GO

As I sit under the dryer at my favorite Dominican Hair Salon in Brooklyn on Lewis Ave (Shout out to Virginia, for blowing my roots out!), I anxiously wanted to type up today’s blog.  I’m really digging this bloging thing and it seems like you guys like it too.  Now all I need is for some of you to comment and then we’ll be in business….LOL  I mean if I’m sharing my opinion I think it’s only fair to hear yours as well.  It is just my opinion not facts so I want to hear it all to open my eyes up to some of the things you guys think.

Today’s topic is Holding On vs. Letting Go and I know we’re all guilty of this.  Rather it’s a boy/girlfriend, cousin, BFF, or just some random person in your life that you know you should let go of but you decide to hold on.  Or how about those you let go when you know you should have held on to.  I’ll touch both topics today.

I KNOW I SHOULD LET YOU GO BUT….

I’m guilty of this one the most.  Especially when it comes to the men in my life.  I’m honestly pretty good at getting rid of so-called friends that shouldn’t even have the honor to be in my presence (Yall know I’m crazy).  Don’t act like I’m the only one. I have three people in my life that always know they can call on Ron when they need to.  It’s because I allow it and I haven’t fully let go.  Well one of them is married and we’re really good friends but I had to put him in his place and let him know that certain things are inappropriate, so let’s just say two.  I’ll like to think that the other two are my back ups, if something ever happens with me and the boo (I’m just being honest).  But I have to ask myself is this really the case? Or is it just my excuse to feel better about keeping them in the background.

I believe it’s just my excuse, because part of me still has feelings for the other two guys, (one more than the other).  I’m a true believer in “if it’s meant to be it’ll be” and if you’re not doing anything for me mentally or spiritually I can let you go.  God will place us back together if need be.  So I’ve decided to let them both go, no back up plans.

I know it’s not that simple for most of you.  Sometimes you feel like this person is the beginning and all end of everything.  If you feel that way, you’re probably the one who’s putting the most love, time & effort into the relationship.  Don’t act like you don’t know because we all know when a person is not right for us, but we think about the way they smile, make you laugh, or put it down in bed.  SN: Sex is probably the number one reason you hold on to the person.  You think “Oh I’ll just have sex with him and that’s it.”  Knowing goodness well your emotions are still involved.

As my friend KP mentioned letting go of relationships not only mean boy/girlfriends, but of friendships & familyships as well.  Plain and simple some people are just a lost cause.  You can be on the path to somewhere and they’re on the path to no where and you just stick it out with them trying to guide them to a better path but in the process they keep dragging you down moving you closer to their path.  That’s when you know it’s time to let go.

I’m not saying let go of every person as soon as something happens.  You’ll never have anyone if you do that.  Some people are worth working things out with.  The world wouldn’t have any marriages, parent to child relationships or friendships if that was the case.  If you believe that person is worth it and he or she is willing to work with you as a team then stick it out.  I’ve been through so many ups and downs with this man but I decided to stick it out because at that time we were still getting to know one another and we haven’t hit an issue that we couldn’t solve.

I LET YOU GO & I MADE A MISTAKE

This is for all of you who’ve let people go in your life that you know you should have at least tried to work things out with but that stupid thing called PRIDE made you let he/she go.  I learned quickly that prides has no business in a relationship because it causes you to do things you really don’t want to do.

I remember the first time my pride surfaced with the boo.  I only have one problem with this man, he don’t know how to pick up the freaking phone and that bugs the crap out of me.  So I know this man’s schedule like the back of my hand, I went to the Y (where we first met) cause I knew that he’ll be taking a Sunday morning boot camp class.  Found him outside talking on his phone (which made me even more mad…LOL) So I just started going in on him, he’s looking at me like “are you serious.”

I end my conversation with “you just lost a good thing,” then I walk away.  When I said that I knew goodness well I didn’t want to leave that man I was just trying to prove a point.  Anyway, he ran after me, begging and pleading in public (don’t worry we didn’t make a scene).  But I kept walking because my pride told me to.  We all know how this ends I obviously end up getting back with him….LOL But I’m just saying leave your pride out of it if not it will be a mistake and your pride maybe more stubborn than mine and won’t allow you to go back.

So here’s my advice to those of you who’ve made a mistake, it’s ok to go back.   More than likely you’re hurting more on the inside then you’ll ever admit.  And if it’s a family member you’ve let go of make sure you’ve made the right decision because just because you let them go doesn’t mean they’re no longer your family, they’ll always be there.

This post means a lot to me because I have a lot of friends (including myself) in my life that I love dearly who struggle with Letting Go vs. Holding On and I know it’s extremely hard especially when you really love the person.  I just ask that you take your time with this decision and pray on it.

Love you guys and leave a comment DAMNIT!!!

Oh shout out to my biggest devoted reader….Mr. Stacker, he gave me the idea for my post yesterday!

THE BIG O & HOW TO PLEASE YOUR WOMAN

A good male friend of mine called me today and gave me a wonderful idea for today’s post.  He wanted me to write a post on how to give a woman an ORGASM.  This is a very touchy topic for men because EVERY man wants to be able to please their woman and send them riding on the Big O wave.  They sometimes feel like failures in bed and honestly we sometimes agree with you.  Men it’s not all your fault but most of it is.  There are a lot of factors that can ultimately bring on a woman’s Orgasm.

Did you know that 50-75% of women only receive an orgasm through clitoral stimulation?  Which is good news for you guys because this is one part of the Va Jay-Jay that you can actually see unlike the mythical “G-Spot.”  Here are a couple of things I believe will help a man give a woman an orgasm.

THE WARM UP

Women are like cars and when it comes to sex you must treat us like cars.  On a cold winter’s day you would let your car warm up for a couple of minutes. Why? Because it’ll take the fluids in your car longer to thaw out and start flowing if you didn’t warm it up.  *CLEARS THROAT* If you warm us up with some thoughtful foreplay, we would then in turn be “Turned On” and  our juices will begin to flow (which makes the sex better for both parties).

When I say thoughtful foreplay, I mean take your time.  Introduce your mouth, hands and tongue to her body every single time even if you’ve been dealing with this person for years.  A little rub and a lick just don’t do it for us.

THE MENTAL

This is one of the most important parts of sex and it remains a factor throughout the entire process.  You have to get the woman’s mind right and keep it right.  From the start to the end we need to think that you’re into it and the only thing you care about is getting us to the finish line.  Sounds hard, right?  Well it’s not because we do it all the time.  All that moaning, screaming, and telling you you’re the best that you hear from women (SORRRY LADIES) most of it is for show and to keep you thinking that you’re doing something.  We’ve become so good at it that you have no idea that we’re actually doing it.

You can also keep the mind right by setting the mood right.  Dim the lights, light some candles, throw rose petals over the bed, or role play.  I like to call that mental sex because I can guarantee if you do it right she’ll already be turned on and ready before you even touch her.

THE SEX

First off you don’t always have to be the largest to give the most pleasure.  Honestly if you’re too too LARGE we ain’t messing with you anyway unless our profession is in the porn industry…..LOL And if you’re too small that’s an instant turn off!  You do need to know what to do with what you have.  Your stroke game should be on point.  Be creative when it comes to sex, try new positions other than Missionary, Doggy Style, and Woman on Top.  Doing the same thing every time gets boring and becomes routine, so our mental is already gone because we already know the outcome.

Don’t pump too fast! Why? Because 1. It makes you cum quicker and 2. Most of the time it does nothing for us.  Women will look at you like you’re crazy then go tell their friends about their quick pumper of a boyfriend.  You’ll know if you’re doing the right stroke for your lady.  Just listen to her moans, look at her face and notice her body actions.  If you think you have the right stroke in the right position and it seems like she’s on the verge of coming just keep doing what you’re doing because if you change it up she could possibly loose that feeling and you’ll have to start all over again 😦

If you have no idea if you’re doing the right thing, don’t be afraid to ask her.  Talk to her during sex, let her know how it feels, how you feel and what you want her to do.  Don’t be shy.  The best position for a woman to receive an orgasm is having her on top because she’s able to regulate the depth of penetration of the penis and the rate of thrusting.

Don’t forget that 50-75% of women only come off of clitoral stimulation, so during sex you can gently massage her clit or use a vibrating toy.

THE END

If some how after all this you still haven’t made her come, I suggest you learn how to properly give oral sex and become a pro at it.  If you become really good at it I don’t see how she can’t come.  It’s ok to use toys, it means less work for you and we don’t mind showing you how to use them on us….because we know.

I hope this help a couple of guys out.  Let me also add that some women don’t care if they don’t receive an orgasm every time.  If they love the man and he makes her feel good during sex that’s all that matters.  Some women get off by pleasing their man.  Some women even fake an orgasm just to make their man feel good (others fake it just because they want it to be over…LOL)  Good luck guys!

Leave a comment I’m interested in what you have to say about this one.

WHAT’S YOUR FETISH?

I decided to tackle a topic that we all know exist but most of us don’t talk about it because it’s considered to be a taboo subject.  I’m talking about fetishes yall!  And no not E-V-E’s clothing line (does that still exist…LOL), but sexual fetishes.  I’ve broken down the fetishes into three categories; 1. Most Common 2. Weird as Hell & 3. Disgusting.  I couldn’t believe some of the things I was reading and if some of these things are what you like, do you.  I DO NOT JUDGE.

According to Wikipedia Sexual fetishism, or erotic fetishism, is the sexual arousal brought on by any object, situation or body part not conventionally viewed as being sexual in nature.

Below you will see my Top 5 fetishes in three categories and if any of you ‘practice’ any of these activities I will like to hear from you 🙂 (I’m just nosey. Right?).

Most Common

5.

Kleptophilia AKA ‘Just Crazy’

Basically this is the act of ‘getting off’ by stealing.  So in a nut shell these fools are willing to risk their freedom by stealing just to get a nut.  What’s wrong with a good ol’ masturbation session?

4.

Parthenophilia AKA ‘The Telly Syndrome’

This is the sexual attraction to virgins.  I call it the Telly Syndrome because of Telly from the movie Kids.  He made it his business to have sex with as many virgins as he could, it was sort of sport to him.  This fetish mostly pertains to men because women rarely want an unexperienced man.  Some men feel proud to take a woman’s virginity.  Just don’t take advantage of the women guys!

3.

Foot Fetish AKA ‘Stinky Things Turn Me On’

The act of being aroused by feet.  We’ve all heard of people having a foot fetish but I’ve never quite understood how people can have an attraction to feet.  If you’re into porn there are a lot of videos supporting the foot fetish and they go from kissing and licking of the toes to actual insertion of the feet (if you know what I mean).  Interesting enough Ludacris, Eddie Murphy, Britney Spears & Ricky Martin are all reported as to having this fetish.

2.

Martymachlia AKA ‘I Need an Audience’

For those of you freaks that get turned on because you know someone else is watching you have sex, this one is for you.  I actually don’t think this one is that bad, we all need a lil’ adventure in our lives.

1.

Agoraphilia AKA ‘Having Sex in A Public Place’

This to me is the most common, most known and a lot of times it turns into a fetish by chance.  Sometimes things happen in the heat of the moment or you just want to be freaky so you just do the do where ever you are.  At least 85% of us have had sex in a public place.  For the other 15% of the population, LIVE A LITTLE!

Weird As Hell

5.

Omorashi AKA ‘Bladder Control’

This sexual fetish first kicked off in Japan and I’m not surprised because they are some of the most sexual people in the world, but this right here is just crazy.  Omorashi is when you receive pleasure by holding your urine for a long time *BLANK STARE*  I don’t know about you guys but it hurts like hell when I have to pee really bad and these broads turned it into a sexual sport…SMDH

4.

Plushophilia AKA ‘Furry Fandom’

This weird crap is when you dress up in a furry costume and dry hump each other and some how gain sexual pleasure.  I can’t really say much more about this one.

3.

Klismaphilia AKA ‘Anal Masturbation’

Let’s see…how can I explain this on?  Some folk use enemas as a way to receive sexual stimulation.  It’s mostly practiced by men and sometimes used as a substitute for genital intercourse.  And get this the biggest pleasure comes from the “eliminatory process.”

2.

Crush Fetish

Normally the sight of bugs and rodents makes the average person run the other way to get away from the pest.  But not for the weird freaks who love to crush.  They receive their big O by crushing anything from roaches to mice.  This is not only weird it’s disgusting.

1.

Erotic Asphyxia AKA ‘Damn Near Suicide’

This is is the intentional restriction of oxygen to the brain for sexual arousal.  This can be done with and without a partner.  It’s one of the oldest fetishes, started back in the 1600s.  It was first used to treat erectile disfunction.  This is an extremely dangerous fetish, there have been accidental deaths while practicing this.  If this is your thing, please be careful and try to always perform this with a partner.

Disgusting

5.

Formicophilia AKA ‘Fear Factor’

Just researching this one made my skin crawl.  Formicophilia is the fetish of having bugs crawl around or on your genitalia.  This is more common in developing countries because of their obvious pest situation.  I guess they made lemonade out of lemons.

4.

Urolangia AKA ‘The R.Kelly’

Yall know I had to do it!  To me it’s a very disgusting fetish.  If I wanted a warm liquid sprayed all over my body for pleasure, I’ll just take a warm shower and not a golden one.  I just don’t get this one.  This goes hand in hand with Coprophilia, the act of defecating on one for sexual pleasure.  I’m not even going to get into that one.

3.

Zoophilia AKA ‘Beastiality’

This is the practice of sex between animals and humans.  Are you freaking kidding me?  I’ve heard of wanting a stallion in bed and women calling men dogs but you’re not supposed to take it literally.  Sad thing is that there’re recent cases of this happening.  Geesh people!  Are you that unattractive that you can’t find a person.  Send me a letter I’ll find someone for you, just not me.

2.

Vorarephilia AKA ‘The Hannibal Lector’

Hmmmm if this is number 2 you know number 1 has to be right down nasty.  This is the arousal by the thought of being eaten or watching someone eat someone else.  I’m not talking about oral sex, I’m talking about actually eating folk as a meal.  Really people?  This turns you on?  It makes me down right scared and if you’re one of them let me know so I can stay far away from you….LOL

1.

Necrophilia AKA ‘Tales From The Crypt Lover’

This the most disgusting, disturbing fetish of them all.  Necrophilia is sexual attraction to corpse.  We all heard of people killing their victim and then raping them.  There are also cases of people who dig up graves to perform sexual acts on the corpse.  This is just the most disrespectful fetish for a human body there is.  Just nasty!

Don’t forget to click on and leave a comment tell me what you think!

Welcome To The Blog About Sex, Relationships, Books & More Sex

Hi Guys!!!  Welcome to my new blog for Risque The Erotica Short Story Novel.  I want to make this a fun environment for us to share our thoughts, dreams and nightmares about relationships and sex.  I know we all have questions and we may be afraid to face our fears but that’s why I’m here.  I’m here to tackle those taboo topics such as; 3-Somes, Anal Sex, ‘Experimenting,’….LOL, you catch my drift.  I’ll also be discussing serious situations such as; STDs, impotency & domestic violence.

I’m ready, waiting and excited to begin a blogship with each and every last one of you.  Make sure to tell a friend to tell a friend about Risque The Erotica Short Story Novel and become a fan on Facebook. Send all questions about Love, Sex, Relationships and books to risquethenovel@gmail.com.

Can’t Wait To hear from you!!!!


Risque The Novel Trailer

Risque The Novel’s SIZZLING Trailer starring Lourdes (@LouLo_Star) & Will (@Hollyceasar).  Two very talented people, follow them on twitter and show them some love.  You can also follow me @RLwynder.

Enjoy!

Risque The Novel

Experience Risque

Same Book, 2 Covers

Risque: The Erotica Short Story Novel is an addictive intoxicating piece of
work, which includes 14 alluring stories guaranteed to leave you ‘jonesing’
for more than your next read.  Risque extends an open invitation for you to
join the world of each character and experience the same electrifying
sensations as those portrayed in this spicy novel.   This racy compilation
of short stories also allows you to walk Hand in hand with euphoria as it
takes you on an invigorating trip full of spine tingling adventures.

Risque will be available on Amazon’s Kindle really soon.  They’ll also be an opportunity to order Risque off line in the upcoming days.  Shoot me an email (risquethenovel@gmail.com) or leave a message if you’re interested in a copy of Risque!

Risque Video Blog Intro To Risque & R.L. Wynder

Sorry for the constant hair touching…LOL it was my first blog I promise the future ones will not have as much touching of the hair.